Life's Serenades

My view of the world

Blurred

When it blurs

I don't notice

The exact moment it starts

Who knows?

But is there much to see anyway

Apart from the moments I want and treasure

Does anything else matter?

Do I live for the miniscule in days

Or for the big events of life

The why of it all continues to confound me

Blurs

Everyday

Are we just waiting

Am I just waiting for something to materialise

From thin air?

From something

promised

A promise of

Good things to come

When some say you were made to be seen

And all you want is

Not to be

They take it in turns viewing you

When you're relevant

You're popular

When you're not

You're not

You long to be in the corner of the room

Viewable to those who care to find you

But not the centre

Of an obsolete room

Whether or not you like it

You're on show

Days off and days on

They tell you it's in your control

And you tried

You try

To have some control of it

The thing that brings people to you

Even when you don't want them to

You're not ready

At least that's what you tell yourself

When others say you're ready just as you are

Yet you don't feel enough

... Not just yet

Everything happens for a reason right?

What was the crime?

That I'm owed so much by the universe, but yet this is my current fate

What is life at this moment?

But a sad tale of things gone wrong

Of woes and sad songs

Of crying along to the melancholy of life

I cry and I cry,

And yet no one hears my plea,

Who should?

Who am I calling out to?

The universe?

Who owes me so much

People?

Who don't care if I die or if I live,

Until I die

I cry out daily,

Bursting full of unheard wishes

Where are my wishes going?

Where were they going?

Where I had a direct line straight to the One,

Who answered every one of my calls

With a return of what I'd wished

Who cut the connection?

Me or them?

Was it my whininess? My whinging?

My never dying song?

Did I not foster the relationship enough?

So self involved?

Became too human

Why do I feel so alone?

When before I didn't?

Who's abandoned me on the other side of this telephone call?

When will I get my connection back?

Will I?

Ever?

In the depth of the indigo murky sea

She glides

Home to her bruises and wounds

The cow jumps over the moon

But it goes unnoticed

Her head bowed as the waves toss

She lays her head

This was never the plan

While murky waters was what she knew best

Glimpses

sunlight

Split the waters

And illuminated the environment around her

Reminding her the ocean wasn't always navy

Indigo, or blue in fact

What pushed her

to evade undercurrents or rough waters

when she saw them coming

Her longing for white shores

For teal gentle waves

The images a consistent reminder of

What could be

What could be

Would it be

Will it be

Hope is back in the box

Going round in circles

Loop

Fatigue

Frustation

My constant allies

While I search for better

How do you release a long time companion?

How do you abandon ship?

To find newer, safer shores

I'm tired of the same old circles

The same old loop

Loops loops loops

Like a circus

I parade

In my own unpaid charade

Tired of the sameness

Yet determined to remain blameless

When only I am to blame

Fatigue, might be your friend

But it's not your name

Scurrying by or floating

Depends on the day you see her

What is she running for?

Who is she running from?

Questions that have been evaded

As of late

The deep recessions of her mind

Left

To reconcile on their own

Abandoned

And subdued

It seems they're long forgotten

But really

She'd forgotten her way home

The path back unclear

This

Again?

Running, though fleeting,

Is her only time to release

Her emotion

Anger, disappointment, sadness, hurt

The slamming of her boots offer her

Respite

The sounds, the only sound she let's herself emit

Shrouded by the state of her world

She soars as she runs

For a brief moment in time

For all the people

Who haven't had their voice,

Their presence,

Their lives,

Their stories,

Their actions

Captured if only for a moment,

A glimpse into their life

And no one currently to remember them

I see you,

Your presence, your lives, your stories

Your thoughts, your actions, your voices

Are beautiful and just as important

You live on with us

No one's forgotten

Just no longer here

But the earth remembers

The ground remembers

The soil remembers

The wind remembers

The energy remains

Humans scare me

Make me feel paranoid

Thrill me,

Leave me bursting full of love

Make me nervous and anxious

At the drop of a tone

They interest and

Fascinate me

Making me wonder and want to

Discover more

Research, talk, experience more

Enthralling and intriguing

Beguiling and bewildering

I've never felt more lost

Than when with humans

Lost in the beauty of it all

Lost in the sadness

In the chaos of their worlds and minds

In their lack of thought or

Care

But found in their love and attention

They often speak as though

Words have no meaning

Throwing them this way and that

But can also speak with such

Precision and intricacy

That they leave you speechless

Infiltrating your mind and your

World

Swirling through the void like

An enchanting bird

Discovering, exploring

Why is it

that we have eyes

only to see others and

no eyes to see ourselves?

Yet we need to see ourselves

in order to

As the grey sky dwindles

The leaves swirl and still

Find reason to dance

A beautiful dance of synchronicity

Propelled by their soul mate, the wind

As we sink into our place

On this typical morning

As the black birds fleet and flitter across

The waves of grey

As though all the human infrastructure

is as normal as the waves they surf

this morning

Above the lake of green

We assemble here to watch a great game

How hard it is for me to just sit here

Knowing that there's a battle going on inside

An invisible battle of worlds

My heart breaks for the wounds I can't

Tend to

The healer

What do they do without their job

Who am I in this fight

It's not my battle, but give me armour and I

Will fight

This invisible battle

A fool in an empty battlefield

Where do you go?

I sink,

with clinking armour

A fool

Always

Some fights aren't yours to fight

Arm me with a blindfold

To lend my efforts

I will fight

I learn to fight blind

A colourless daydream

Full of wanderlust

For places you can only ever dream about

For your own safety

You've tried before

Into the colourless abyss

You get lost

Swept away by the waves

Grey, Blue, Orange, Rose

They all sweep over you

One at a time

Sometimes, all at once

In disarray

A storm at sea

Without a boat

Or the safety of harbour

You float

With time you float

Only for colour to

Slowly

Seep back in

When you're overwhelmed but you're living the dream

When you're super tired but no one else can see

And you're not ungrateful, but you say it anyway, because Growth

Growth will have you out here saying things

That you never thought you'd say to anyone

So used to suffering alone,

But now learning that when people say they're here for you

They mean it

And in all this chaos

That we call life

You're reminded that your simple task on this earth

Is to simply Be

When all else fails

Remember you're not expected to do anything

But that

But once the hustle and bustle of life starts again

And when I sit with myself I realise

I don't want sex,

I want love

I want love that engulfs the room

radiating from our connectivity,

from our souls being

on the same wavelength

the same frequency

I want communication without uttering a word

I want synchronicity

I want

that

Sex comes after

And the love will make it blow our minds

What can you do?

when you can do nothing

at all

So many ideas

So many hours of researching,

And looking up,

And checking,

Even thinking about calling up

But

What can you do when you can do nothing at all?

What's the point in all the effort when you can do nothing at all?

While you become detective, doctor and researcher looking up

Something can happen

And render it all useless and pointless

Just like you were afraid it would all be

What's the point?

Why do we try when the system isn't here to help us but to disenfranchise us?

It's hard some days,

some days the optimism is on the hunt

Looking, searching for something to cling to

Others there's nothing in sight,

Just you and barren land

No hunt, with nothing there

Broken, defeated and hurting

Can't begin to imagine how it feels to have it all

- the fear, the anxiety,

the hopelessness,

the bleak twinkling of depression floating around you before it decides to leave you or consume you

But yet they push through,

But yet we push through

It's tough but

We do what we can

I guess

At the very end of the day

I know

I'll make the call

Because I care

That trumps all

Allowing yourself to feel love from yourself is a huge thing,

Remember that everything always figures itself out,

So stressing isn't even worth it,

It's already been written,