Heaven ain't close

It's very sick and twisted, they know how private i am about my tumblr they know pretty much what's on here, yet they came in and invaded this space (like full scale, dead ass read everything i ever posted)and it no longer feels safe

Way to make me lose my last bit of sanity yay

I'll probably make another blog, under some weird ass name and start all over again..

Context :

In our society sex all in all is taboo lol, ESPECIALLY before marriage, so people who are dating are not supposed to be "physical" until they're officially married

So

Bf randomly asks : "how would you feel if i told you that I "did it" over the phone with someone else, who is just a stranger and long distance"

So i asked him : okay, did you do it, do you plan on doing it, or what's up??

Then he said you wouldn't tolerate any explanations or reason with it, right?

I said definitely (duh) and there's nothing that can make recovery possible for the relationship

So i asked again, he said no, it's just that his friend is doing that and he's trying to tell him how bad of an idea that is, he also mentioned how this is totally not aligned with his morals and all

BUT BITCH I GOT SO PSYCHED IDK WHAT TO DO

That's literally me..

It'd be nice if my brain let me be productive :')

Like, I'd like to continue learning new languages, re-study french (my grammar definitely needs polishing and so does my accent), i would also like to read and write again, not just doom scroll on the NeT until i have to cram for my exams

Ahh idk i just feel like I'm stuck in this cycle of oh I'll do it

But then I don't

I'm wasting my brain's prime time on stupid shit, not to mention my fkn body's time lmao

You're your hottest in ur 20's NO MF I HAVE THE BODY OF A 35 YEAR OLD AND I CAN'T BE BOTHERED TO ACTUALLY DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT AND IT'S DRIVING ME INSANE

Gosh why is it so hard to just fkn do it

Like i know what to do, i know how to do it, why can't i just do it