Chapter 22 ~ Mummy time

I don't see it as splitting our family apart, only spreading it out for the happiness of everyone and for my mental health

I'm unhappy in a relationship like this and I'm glad we aren't getting married cause that would be the biggest mistake

It makes Alex G sad that he cant call himself uncle to little CJ. He wants her to know him.... but I guess thats too confusing

Reading this book for the first time since I was 13 or 14.. I comprehend it a lot better now and love it even more than I did last time :)

I decided that I would allow some alters to come out and help me when I need it, but I'm not sure how often it's happening... My memory has been getting worse, but I've only been conscious of a couple of switches. It seems kind of scary to not know.. I feel like I'm always here, but the memory blanks make it more obvious that maybe I'm not. I know I will be aware if anyone with bad intentions has been fronting though so I shouldn't worry too much. I've been watching Bates motel and I switched after the last one I saw... I think it reminded me that it's not nice to suppress alters that want to be out and I don't know if that triggered more switching or not. The one that came forward was Cassie, my 5 year old but I think it was because she was playing with CJ, my daughter. I was aware that she saw her as her little sister and briefly thought CJ's daddy was her daddy, but if she saw him she would know he isn't a daddy to her. She was present at way too many intimate times without him realising for her to see him that way. I'm not sure if she realises he's CJs daddy.

I always had trouble getting my partner to help out more. I would tell him I need him to make more effort but he found it difficult to get up and actually help. I felt like I was a single parent nagging for a little bit of relief every now and then. But yesterday I finally said the right thing to make him realise how I felt... I said, "you know how I get paid by centrelink to look after CJ? Well I will pay you some of that money to look after her more. I want you to look after her the same amount that I do because I would like the same amount of free time that you get! It's not like I'm a single parent and should ask you to look after her as a favour... You should spend the same amount of time with her that I do. Is that okay? How do you feel about that, are you annoyed?" I didn't say it all at once, but all those points helped. He replied by saying that it makes sense and that if I needed him I should have asked at the time because he just assumes I'm okay by myself. We tried it out today and so far I think it worked really well. We are taking her for two hours at a time each so we both have time with her, but also have enough spare time to read, Study, clean, tidy, do personal things, play games or even just take time to write a tumblr post. I already feel much better mentally and emotionally than I did yesterday :)

Couldn't be bothered eating porridge this morning, so made oat biscuits instead :P Eating cookie dough now.

So I've been going to a course involving different aspects of witchcraft, making candles, mojo bags and potion/perfumes. It's been great so far, but I have fallen asleep during meditation twice now and that's kind of annoying :P

Now we are on our spiritual, witchcraft journeys together and we plan to create and nurture a garden in my veggie patch out the back of my house. It seems everything is as it should be and I love having her in my life.  <3 xx

Best birthday celebration in years for sure <3