35 minutes before my legality. It's ending already. I'm scared, excited, shaking, anxious, all at once. Pero sa pagkakataong ito, isa lang ang hinihiling ko: Maging masaya sa isa sa mga magiging highlight ng buhay ko.
Happy Birthday, L! Sabi ko last month pa lang bago matapos 'yung school year, magsusulat ako para sa mga natitirang oras ko as a 17-year-old girlie, e. (Tangina parang mamamatay na ako ah?) Anyway, ayon, dahil mas umiral pa rin talaga 'yung katamaran, ngayong after birthday ako nagsusulat. (O, 'di ba parang tanga lang.) Pero siguro mas pinili ko na lang 'to para mas ramdam.
Simulan muna natin sa naging emphasis ng buong 17th year ko. Ayon, grade 12 na ako. Senior. Seniorita as my last year as a highschool student. Honestly, 'di ko alam paano ipapaliwanag kasi sobrang mixed emotions and ang overwhelming ng lahat ng experiences. Siguro ano na lang, literal na kinabahan ako kasi noong g11 pa lang kami, like orientation pa lang ata no'n or patapos na 'yung school year, may kumausap sa'min na senior namin na dating Humanista rin. Binigyan kami ng heads ups, reminders, mga babala, and more on what to expect on our last year as SHS Tomasinos. Shockingly, nakinig ako sa mga sinabi niya and talagang naselyo siya sa utak ko. Edi nag-anticipate na ako ng mga mangyayari, I even prepared myself because one of the things or words that strucked me the most from the speaker that talked to us was, "Creative Writing" and "Creating Non-fiction" which are all about WRITING. OO, WRITING - my worst and most exciting fear.
Fast forward, nag full face-to-face na kami. For almost three years, naramdaman ko ulit yung pisikal na pagod sa pagcocommute mula Ugong hanggang Blessed- ay hanggang UST na pala. Pumikit lang ako, nasa dream school ko na ako nag-aaral- hanggang college! It still feels surreal. Daming ganaps for real to the point na I can't even list them all kasi super mixed emotions ng senior year ko, and the past half months ng buhay ko. Ano ulit? Super begging for attention na naman ako, nag-amfee moments na naman sa ibang tao na akala ko kinaganda ko na. Fuck. Nasanay lang siguro akong sumandal sa balikat ng mga tao. Naalala ko 'di ko pala puwedeng gawin 'yon sa lahat. Apologies.
Ano pa ba? Shet. Siguro 'yung umabot din ako sa buhay ko, for the first time in my life, na na-confuse ako sa orientation ko dahil sa isang tao. I mean, this is very inevitable and I'm not closing my doors sa pagiging gay, but I feel like hindi ko PA makita 'yung sarili ko sa same gender relationship. Maybe admiration lang talaga kaya ko.
Dami pa actually. Naging tanga sa pag-ibig na hanggang ngayon, fuck, when will I ever learn ba? Bigyan niyo na ako ng bago, 'yung mas better, 'yung mas deserve ko. EMZ. Uhm, playing 17 by Avril Lavigne non stop and setting it as "my song" kahit na I don't relate to most of its lyrics, basta ma-fit lang kasi nga 17 ako. Ewan. Masyado kong niromanticize pagiging 17 years old ko simply because ayaw kong mawala 'yung concept ng pagiging minor de edad ko. Well, the time's up and now I'm entering my adulting age.
Basta to summarize this all, I am really, and will be forever grateful for all the experiences, people, life lessons that I've learned in my 17th age and I'm really looking forward sa pag-uumpisa ng aking adulthood. I really hope that the next following years of my life treat me the way that I deserve, like what my one treasured friend said to me that made my heart touched and melt. I will really miss you.
Anyway, cheers to 18th, L! I really wish you all the best and please make good choices in life kasi tangina 'di ka pusa na merong siyam na buhay tulad nina Vivi and Hype. Bitch isa lang buhay mo. ISA LANG. Always aim for progress and please do not be hard on yourself anymore. I'm really begging and on my knees right now.
For the last time, Happy Birthday, L! Be happy. Be strong. Maging maganda palagi at ibalik ang alindog :)
gummygunk
vaporwave
turnnoffyourmind
andulkaphoto
blakekathryn
izzy806
stormborns
theartofmadeline
