IT'S ALL RHAAST

@ferrumdaemonium | pinterest quotes / accepting

Rhaast stares at her for a good moment- if he had any eyebrows they would surely be furrowed in thought. Eventually, his teeth grate against each other and he curls his hands into fists, ignoring the sharp claws digging into his palms. He’d heal soon enough anyway ( and it’s not like he really felt it either, he didn’t feel much nowadays ).

Rhaast doesn’t default to having a dick, he is more than capable of ‘crafting’ one if he needs one. Speaking of crafting, he can make whatever genitalia he wants to, be it male or female... or none.

He goes quiet, and she wonders if he’s tired of her already. It would make sense, she believes personally. She wasn’t exactly good company. But when he speaks up, she huffs a breath out, tail twitching, but quite obviously listening to him speak. It was only right she listened to him after all, especially when he hadn’t really wronged her in anyway.

“… I don’t think you’re that far gone. You… Are not who you used to be, that is certain. But neither am I. However we still have sentience, correct? We can make decisions. We can choose whether we let our fate entirely control us.” She goes silent, before sighing. “But maybe I just cling to false hope. I lose more of my memory, more of myself with each passing day. I can’t even remember my village properly anymore. The names of people I cared for.”

Her voice was quiet now.

“I’m scared of losing myself. Rhaast. When I first claimed my host… I. I lost myself. To all the pent up pain. Anger. Sadness. I slaughtered a mountainside village in two days, and don’t even remember it. I didn’t even feed. I blacked out. I lost control and became an animal for… For days. Weeks. I don’t remember… Anything from that time period. I regained my sanity after some time but… I’m terrified it will happen again, and that I will never come back from it.”

A shudder ran through her at the memory, as well as the thought. The mere idea of simply becoming a roaming beast, without thought it conscience… It was awful. But perhaps she overshared just now.

“… I apologize. As for isolating myself? I won’t. But don’t isolate yourself, either. I am here for you. I always will be.”

He listens, too ( he knows many of his brothers and sisters thought he never did but he did; he listened all the time ). His claws go back to picking at his flesh, idly, while he listens to her. He’ll never understand where she keeps finding that hope of hers- but the most important part of healing is wanting to and Rhaast isn’t sure he really wants to.

Oh, what he’d give to be back in his Ascended form, though, but his mind has long since deteriorated and bloodlust and slaughter is all he really knows now. All he remembers.

He shakes his head a little, shooing away the thought, before a puff of breath pushes past his jagged maw. His eye narrows then widens back to its original size right after.

“It seems like you found yourself again, though.” he murmurs then, leaning back slightly to stare up at the sky with a slightly wistful gaze- the sun is high and its rays gently batter Rhaast’s flesh, but he doesn’t notice. He doesn’t feel. ( He doesn’t remember. ) What was the sun’s warm touch like? How did it feel when it caressed him, warming him to the very core? Would it feel the same way now? He has no answers for any of these questions he’s asking himself.

“Not without any complications, huh? We lose a little more of ourselves every day.” Rhaast stares down at his hand then, watches it try to claw at the sensitive flesh under the armor- perhaps in an attempt to feel something other than anger and hatred ( and the need for bloodshed ) but even his own claws can’t pierce the carapace of dead flesh and dried blood that he consumes after every kill.

Don’t isolate yourself, huh? Pretty hypocritical of him to say that to her when that’s all he’s ever done, really. But just because he spends most of his time ( enjoying the slaughter ) killing mortals, it doesn’t mean he wants those he still cares about to go through the same thing. Bathsheba deserves better- they all did.

… what an idiot

umbranatus replied to your post: yeah so I’ve come to the conclusion that I do...

kayn has 1 sleeve

"...Why does anyone care what we have?"

does that work……………….. down there too? :‘v

“… I’m sure there’s still a small part of all of us, capable of pity. Most likely in a very negative sense of course.

I’m sure you’re capable of more than you think, Rhaast. More than just violence and rage.”

A moment of silence.

“I can’t answer that question. Because I do not know the answer. I know I hate what we’ve, what I’ve become. I hate that all of this happened to us. Maybe I do pity myself. Pity us.

I don’t know much anymore. I don’t ever know how to feel about things. I scare myself. I don’t want to give in to the bloodlust looming under my skin.”

Rhaast is quiet for a moment, lost in thought, most likely. Then, he sighs.

“I don’t think you realize just how far gone I am, sister.” Rhaast’s voice is unusually soft. He finds it strange that she still holds some hope for him, even to this day, even now ( but he’s too far gone; a lost cause ).

He kneels down, scratching at the ground idly before he laughs breathlessly. “Scare yourself, huh... Can’t say I know the feeling. Nothing scares me anymore- not after going through everything.” He curls his hand into a fist at the last word, grabbing a fistful of dirt and stone and crushing it in his hand without an ounce of hesitation ( like he will do to every last mortal out there ).