letters

what a useless cat. they're probably conspiring. if i were you i wouldn't be able to sleep... i'm so sorry :( i hope you've killed it by now!!! you have to tell me the tale of how it turns out.

Let the cat take care of it you may say...well, I think we've concluded he's trying to kill me. Now it's just a slow painful death of knowing there is a centipede scuffling around rather than the quick slice of the claw. 

Preparing for war. Not sure if it's with the cat or the centipede.

OH MY GOD I LOVE THE SHIRT YOU SPOIL ME?!?!? that's seriously amazing, and you can tell theresa i think so!! i can't wait to come hooome (which won't be til thanksgiving auhgughuhg) so i can touch it in real life ahhh.  ♥ ♥ ♥

i'm glad to hear life is going well! how are things progressing with you and bud?! regular dates yet orrr?? inquiring minds must know! i saw the instagram of your pie, it looked absolutely delicious ;D i'm jealous of all these skills you're acquiring lil lady! and of COURSE our future-shop will have pie. it MUST have pie, in my opinion, or what is the point?

i totally always forget about grant's farm, except for when i'm thinking of clydesdales. i had no idea they had an elephant?! or, anything really? besides goats? i wanna go next time i'm home!! so i can abduct an ostrich haha.

and please my father would never think you're crazy. i'm glad you saw him. i miss him a lot, and you, too! uhg i miss everyone :( i looked for tickets home the other day and i seriously can't afford to come home at all until thanksgiving. please say you can come visit me sometime soon haha :( my life is so sad without you in. 

I'm sorry it's taken so long! AH! LIFE. Always getting in the way. I picked this up at the Schlafly Art Show the other weekend. It's a screen printed T made by Theresa! Other than it being made by her, it has a pic of the St. Louis statue we both know so well...AND AND AND octopus tentacles! All representative of the Occupy STL :) 

Life here is fine. Work is the usual. Hanging out with Amanda, Bud, Brooke and Leica. Working on that GM status. Watching movies with my cat. Mastering the art of a good Manhattan cocktail. Nothing out of the ordinary...I did bake an amazing pie a week or so ago. Apple blackberry. OMG. It was delicious. I realized then that if I could just bake pies all day life would be so much better. Seriously. When can we start up our future business? And can it have pie?

Other little happenings: I took my first shot (no pun intended) at buying/finishing my first whiskey flight. Amanda & I went to a Scottish pub and drank whiskey. Never again. But it was a good experience. 

Last weekend, Brooke and a few friends went to Grant's farm...I forgot that place existed. Did you know they have an elephant!?! AN ELEPHANT. In suburban STL. Along with a camel, an ostrich, goats, lemurs, parrots and a shit ton of deer (deer like animals). That is where you can get your ostrich. 

I also hung some white christmas lights up around the fireplace...let me just say it looks rather charming and is a useful night light. White string lights are a necessity in future homes. 

I saw your dad the other day too! Amanda took his order and as soon as he walked in the door, I was like "OH OH OH I KNOW YOUUUU!" He probably thought I was crazy but it was great to see him. 

Now, when can I see you!?!!?!?!?!?.....!?!?!?!

What's going on there? How's work? Kyle? You're mom? Any big news? How's the weather? 

I LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE YOU SO MUCH. Write back soon

fuckin a i miss you! i'm sorry i let so much time go bye without writing. moving, finals, graduation, post-graduation depression, and now work kind of all washed over me tidal-wave-style and i haven't had much time to breathe.

i think you're the only person i know who thinks hanging out with babies is relaxing, bro, but if it helps you then blessed be! how's things going with A, still good? things with M? any change? how's things in general, i need like a whole life update!

i'm gonna be in town august 8-18th!!! and i sent you a fb invite for my graduation party, but no pressure if you have to work. i'm so stoked to see you, ahh, but you still need to come visit me here!

soooo yeah i moved to a new apartment with just katie because maisie's girlfriend moved in with her, and then graduated with honors and had every type of existential life crisis possible. i haven't been home since i was there last, but my whole family came up for that weekend. umm then i secured two part-time jobs. currently working as a waitress at an italian place in my neighborhood, and also as a PA to an art manager. it's... not glamorous haha in fact i kind of hate it all, and i'm tired all the time. but i gots to pay rent. so. that's where i'm at right now! tell me about you!

Hanging out with babies is a stress reliever though. I'm babysitting A's 3 kids, all under the age of 6, on Friday. #IMSOEXCITED I hope it's nice because I'm going to fly mini kites with them...maybe take them to get hot chocolates and then cook homemade vegan soup. 

and i really wish i could be there with you now, because it's blowing my mind that you & m broke up. do you feel like talking a little bit more about it? is it just that you guys are both really busy or was something just not working? he didn't do anything bad, did he? because i can come home and kick some butt >:( either way i'm so sorry. i know you have so much to be dealing with without this. if it's brought you any relief, i am glad about that, but i know it must not have been an easy call to make. i wish i was home so i could bring some drink over and we could just have it out and veg like crazy but. since we can't, just know you can call me any time of day or night, or text if that's easier. 

also i don't know that your fb is deleted! i went on it today! you might want to double-check that if it's a thing you're still interested in not being on haha.

and no, i don't think that being incredibly stressed out is how you know you're living! just definitely try to take one day at a time. that's all anybody can ask of you, especially with a ton of shit going on. 

i'm glad you're (hopefully) finding time to have fun and relax with your new friend! a trip to atlanta, some sunshine and some waves, would probably do you a lot of good. how many kids does she have? she sounds like a great gal, and i'd love to meet her whenever i get to come home next :)

nothing too much is new with me. i'm trying to get back into columbia's administration employment-wise. they have a part-time area rep position open that i'm gonna try for, and i'm chasing an interview for an art therapy internship at a center for disenfranchised LGBT youth here in chicago. just trying to piece shit together to last til grad school. kyle just bought a harley and he got hired for a regular 9-5 job with a company. he does like design and html types of things for them. it's not his dream job but it's a good stepping stone. 

i see rose twice a month if i'm lucky, and it's actually more my fault than hers right now. life is kicking my ass and i don't have time/energy/money to hang out with anybody it seems. barely talk to mary, though she told me she got accepted to teach for america in chicago. woo?

uhg don't even apologize, i just wrote you a whole novel in response. ahhh i love you so much. please call me if you need anything. take time out to be good to yourself.

It seems that my life is falling apart. Or maybe it's just a growing period you know. Like this growing up shit. On top of being stressed and tired (more so that) about work, my birthday ended up with me in a college town partying with work friends, having an anxiety attack and then opening the next morning. Later on in the week, after both of us having a conversation, M and I decided to be friends (keeping this on the DL). So. Along with deleting my fb, losing my mind, no bf, you being 500 miles away, and just having to deal with life. I'm a little overwhelmed, strangely calm, free to do whatever and still so anxious about it all. My emotions are out the freaking door, going every which way. 

Is that how you know you're living?

Just trying to take it one day at a time. 

On a brighter note...my new friend, A, is great! We have allotted at least one day a week to hang out- whether it be with her kiddos or just us. Either way it's always really fun. Her brother lives in Atlanta and she wants to vacation there this summer (sightsee and stay at a beach house). She's invited me to go with her and the kids-which is truly an honor and a great deal to look forward to.

How are you!? Anything new? Have you talked with Rose or Mary or Katie W.? How's school? When's the next travel home? What are your plans for summer? School next year? (we need to pick an area of the the world for our coffee shop. let's get a move on ;) ) 

Sorry for such a lengthy post.

love you forever and ever and ever and ever and ever...etc. 

i don't know what true false is so you should inform me!

i miss you! i'm constantly having meltdowns! i just want to start a coffee shop and fuck trying to plan the rest of my life!!!!!!!!

how are you doing darling? don't spare the details.

that does not actually make me feel better. why are our friends so fucking stupid sometimes? i guess because i usually try to consider as many people as possible that it seems really weird to me when they consider nobody but themselves. i wonder what that feels like, to really be your own number one? i'll probably never know. i can't believe neither of them called you, that's so shitty. shitty to the point that it's like, you shouldn't even be wasting energy on them.

tell me about your new friend, what's her name? is she the one you've been instagramming? i'm glad that in the light of other friends being dumb and stupid, you've made a new and better one. 

facebook is so lame. i think about deleting it all the time, but realize it does have its uses. good on you for minimizing it in your life!

how was your valentine's day?? mine was pretty tame, but omg. courtney just got her driver's license for her birthday. that seems so insane to me, she's still eight years old in my mind! what the hell, where is time going? little siblings should most definitely not be driving cars yet.

i don't know when i'll be home next :( stuff is so up in the air right now. i'm definitely staying in chicago after graduation, my parents basically told me if i moved home for any other reason besides purely wanting to myself, they'd be mad at me. so i'm staying here but going to be moving into a 2 br apartment with katie, as maisie is moving in with her girlfriend (a topic that i have a lot of feelings about but really can be summarized with one single, simple eye roll). stuff is insane, and i feel very tired and very sad all the time. counseling through my college is not going as well as i was hoping, in fact, it mostly feels empty and pointless. the therapist seems to have zero interest in me at all. so. i'm going to try and find something else soon, i think.

i have to turn in early because i have to give an 8am tour to a group of high school students. their teacher signed them up, so they're not even coming because they want to, so it will be a massive waste of time that i'm going to need energy for.

i love you and i miss you so so much. sometimes the force with which i ache to just have someone else quietly around me who understands is incredible. i really hope i make it back sooner rather than later.

Welp, if it makes you feel any better our *wonderful* friends were here this weekend and made absolutely no effort to hang out with me. I don't think they will ever learn that our friendship means so much to me and this is ruining it. It sounds dramatic and depressing but it's a subject that is becoming more and more worn out. I'm getting tired of worrying about it. So after this point, I'm just not. 

I've made a new friend. She is so much fun. She works at the roaster so we have work to talk about, go out to weird bars and then go dancing. It's quite fun. 

I've decided that I'm partially giving up Facebook, mostly because I needed more space on my phone so I deleted the app for it. I don't have internet at home yet so that means only at the cafe or my parents will I be able to check it. I must say, it's nice to not give a flying fuck about what other people are doing. I'm grateful for not staying in the loop right now because I'm sure my mood will turn sour otherwise. So all is well.

My mom's birthday is on Valentine's Day and my brother keeps bugging her to get his driver's license. It's weird to think he is old enough to get it!!! He's not a very good driver so my mom said no. Mike is doing well too...just working and planning for the upcoming trips to Columbia, MO for True/False...he's been a busy bee.

(Random thought: Speaking of bee's, I saw an ad posted on the bulletin board at work about Bee Keeper classes. WHAT THE FUCK. I WANT TO DO THAT. It's like $90 to go to a farm for a few days and learn to be a bee keeper. *sigh*)

When will you be back dear? I can't wait to see you again soon! How are you? Kyle? The family? Missing you all terribly- like always.