Letters to Thrive

"But....he's....special....." You think to yourself, knowing the man uses a wheelchair and has a bit of developmental delay that according to your roommate, reminded her of Forrest Gump. Your family has high expectations for you to find that college soulmate, get married, and have babies. You try to keep things civil with Bill, but fate had other plans.

You fought hard to break that feelings. But tonight, you had your first kiss. And right now, you're sitting in your dorm trying to talk yourself out of those feelings with your roomie.

Well, sweetie. Life will be one big adventure for you and Bill that will stretch well into the next decade and beyond.

You'll start dating him in secret, trying to hide your relationship from your roommate and your family but to no avail. But you kept at it all freshman year and well into your college life.

As you and Bill became closer, you soon realized that this relationship would help you find your voice in self advocacy. Bill, unknown to many who see him at first, was a member of the board to a self advocacy group, and gave many speeches and workshops in his life by sharing his story on how he got to where he is today despite what others told him he couldn't do.

Bill helped you find your voice by tricking you into presenting a shoebox of your favorite things to a room of about 100 or so strangers at one of those conferences. By doing so, you learned it was OK to be different.

But college came to an end and a so called normal man came into your life, which led you to a crossroads. Do I do what's right for my family, or follow my heart instead?

You will find yourself taking the easy way out, which sadly leads you on a path of trying to figure out what was best for you. Turned out that what people thought was best for you wasn't necessarily the right choice. Society's prince for you turned out to be a toad.

You go through 7 years away from the man who changed your life, but he always found a way to contact you, even in your darkest moments. He never gave up on you.

You will travel the country in search of meaning, at one point chasing a childhood dream of working for Disney, making your grand escape on the road to finding yourself. Disney will be a blessing, promoting you and eventually allowing you full time status.

You will work harder each day, seperating yourself from the normal man society wanted you to have and accepting the fact that destiny played a big part in finding your soulmate. You will eventually board a plane with the paid vacation hours you accrued to be back in his loving arms once again.

In a world where society expects you to be a certain way, you will learn that it's OK to beat to a different drum and that it's actually fun to take chances and find your true happiness.

You will also learn that your Prince Charming doesn't have to ride a white stallion and you don't need to have that fairy tale ending everyone wants for you. You will learn to write your own chapter.

You have each other, and that's all you need.

Your happily ever after may differ due to complications regarding your prince's care and the long distance you have in between. But you are currently making the most of it pulling Cinderella hours and talking through the Magic Mirror known as Skype.

Your fairy tale is just begining, princess. Don't settle for less, because what society may label as less might actually be more than you ever imagined. Rule your own kingdom, and most importantly, love yourself the way your Prince sees you.

Make your own happily ever after. You have the pen, you have the power within. Make your story worthwhile and never be afraid to share it with the world.

Stay royal,

Mandy at age 30.

It’ll take getting your heart stomped on by your first boyfriend, who never loved you in the way you did him, for you to begin to see that you deserve better, and to not let one heartbreak define your outlook on love. You won’t allow this pain to fester; you’ll treat the wound by learning from the experience and being smarter with who you give your heart to.

You’ll take some time from dating to learn to love you fully. You see the beauty and fierceness you have, and start to see a change in yourself. You are slowly coming into your own, in many ways. Some will not like it because they are used to a quieter, reserved Vilissa - not this new evolving individual.

You will learn that you are perfect the way you are during this new growth and perspective period. You won’t see your disability or wheelchair as “guy repellent”; instead, you will use it as a “weeding-out“ tool. The guys who aren’t shaken by it are the ones that may be worth getting to know. You realize that your body is not unlovable or undesirable; it will be treasured by the right person, flaws and all. Our physical makeup is only a small part to our encompassing beauty; the personality, talents, skills, and emotional and caring aspects you possess are worthy of being loved, desired, and treated tenderly by that special person.

You will learn not to be scared to speak up when someone hurts you or does something that makes you uncomfortable. You will find your voice and use it to empower yourself not just with men, but with anyone who oversteps boundaries with you. You will also learn to be selfish, in a good way, of who and what receives your time, energy, and love. Anyone who makes you feel inferior cannot take up room in your space, and you’ll be unapologetic in wheeling away from those who fail to bring value and goodness into your life, including men.

Younger Self, most of all, you’ll learn (and it will be a continuous lesson) to be patient and gentle with yourself when it comes to love. While you witness and be a part of your friends’ joyous moments of getting married and building a life with their special someone, you must remember that your time will come when it’s supposed to. That “late bloomer” feeling will subside and be replaced with the understanding that everything as a season to take place. Your season for love and romance will bloom - just wait your turn. On those days when you get frustrated with the lackluster dating options and foolery that comes with taking the online dating plunge, practicing patience and gentleness are needed. Your “Mr. Right For You” will make himself known; right now, you both are working on yourselves (personally, professionally, and spiritually) so that when you two do meet, you are prepare to create a healthy, strong, loving partnership that will be unlike anything you could wish for.

Younger Self, take your time of singleness to develop the life you deserve to have and be an unapologetically carefree Black disabled woman. That is your charge until “Mr. Right For You” surfaces, and fit perfectly into what has been established.

Signed,