Letters From Bella

Couldn't sleep last night

Really, I tried hard

But end up read some of your old tweets

Funny I still get your jokes

Can't you tell me more personally?

I watched some videos, featuring you in them

I am so proud for what you've become

I look back to the good old days, and yet still very proud of you

You were the man of dream

Now you are only my dream

For the first time

After several months

I finally see myself and

Knowing where to stand

Who to love, yet who to care

Realize when to hold on tight, and when to let go

I thank the Lord universe for the past wonderful weeks finding myself

There might be some rocks on the road

But I can proudly say

It's been 90 proper days since you left

Or since I cut you off

It's been 150 fuckin days since you fell for her

Or since you forgot me

Or since you met her mother

Or since she cooked for you

That's your dream since harvest moon

I am sorry, I am not good at cooking

I am sorry, I can't making herbs

I am sorry, I can't bake cookies

I am sorry, I am not her

It's been zero day since you said you love me

Or forever days of lies

I let her take care of you

Sometimes I woke up with an empty feeling

Like there's a hollow but I can't define

Sometimes I slept with a heavy heart

Like tears would shed but it didn't

Sometimes I wonder where you are

And what you do

What it feels like to live without me

Sometimes you crossed my mind, came into my dream, with a woman beside you but she's not me

There was a man

Free, fearless, and no one could stop him

He was busy catching flights, not feelings

There was a woman

Who might be too good for heaven's sake

She was pure, delicate, and kind

The man kept her wrapped around his fingers

The woman fell weaker into his magical touch

Until one day

When the world grew darker

And life-threatened

And more dangerous

They were apart

The man was nowhere to be seen

But the woman kept his undeniably love to him

Patiently waiting for the time, universe would let them back together

And when the days seemed a little bit brighter

The woman saw an angel

Flied with her own wings

And she could hear her lover's voice

He was staring fondly at the angel

The woman called his name

But he never turn his back

He kept looking up

To where the angel flied

The woman start to tremble

As she realized, she lost his man

She could hear the wind blows

I hate remembering,

Especially memories of something that I love so much till it hurts. Memories keep flashing fast like lightning in my mind, every single time. And how I wish to be strong enough to just let it passed, slipped away. But no, I am a superwoman that always like to turn back the time, walking in reverse,passed the line that I’ve ever crossed, find its beginning and hoping to experience it all over again. People said, “just let go”, “reading the same book would never be fun”, “you deserve  better” and so on. But here I am, enjoying my favorite month of the year, with that memories flood in my brain. Happiness, sweetness, tenderness, grateful, joy, success. I can’t never find faults in December. All the remembering is about good vibes, new passion, new love. So, hello December. Surprise me again, will you ?

Rose was once a happy go lucky girl back then. She got all the boys attention. She’s so charming, kind, funny, and cheerful. She might show her tantrums and frustrating sometimes, when she didn’t feel right. But overall, she’s just too lovely to resist. When it came to relationship, she always deny. She just couldn’t be with someone that time. She didn’t want a relationship that last short. So she always, always made sure that she really feel the spell, that magic spell that people called it love.

She walked down on the sidewalk, not too fast, nor too slow. The wind blew strongly. The sky also started to get dark. It will rain soon, she thought. She quickened her pace, right after the drizzle began to fall.She held her coat, ran, turned on the corner of the street, and stopped at her destination.She was hiding from the rain, under a tree, then she looked at the brown-painted house in front of her.

Let me clean myself up first, babe

She opened the unlocked gate, rang the bell and then wait.

"Oh dear, why are you drench so much ? Come, let me get you towel." 

"It's okay, where's he ?"

She couldn't wait anymore. He's the only reason why she came here. She couldn't stop smiling as she walked into his room. There he was, lying on his bed.

"Hello, babe. I bring you yogurt."

He opened his eyes, he looked sleepy, but she could capture a glimpse of happiness from his eyes.

"Hey honey, it's raining outside. Why are you coming here ? You can catch a cold."

"Nay, my baby is sick, and I can't stand thinking of you suffering, How are you feeling, today ?" she said as she caressed his cheek.

"Better, honey. Million times better as I see you here," he held her hand then kissed it.

She chuckled and leaned down for a kiss.

"No baby, I don't want you to be ill too," he stopped her way gently.

She pouted but then said, "fine then, let's just cuddle."

Dear love,

How're you doing ? I hope you still be awesome as always. You know today's 23 right ? Well, happy 22th month anniversary. Yeah, it should be, if you didn't decide to leave on our 17th. 23 will forever be my favorite date. I'll always remember when you propose me to be your girlfriend at that morning crowd. I still remember how happiness filled my throat and butterflies fly inside my tummy. And how sweet we hugged each other for the first time. That was the most lovely moment in my life. Thanks to you for such an event, What are you doing this morning, my love ? I could barely know it since we can't text each other too often. I said I would never cry, or hate you, or make some distance. But you know, it just don't feel right for me. Being close with you in our condition now isn't a smart decision. Sorry if I can't open up my mind like yours. I'm your ex, I can't stick with you like I did when I was your honeybee. You said that would be okay if we manage to be good friends. But I'm not okay, love. Once I saw your face, once I texted you, once I read somethings related to you, once I heard your favorite songs, once I watch your favorite movie, the memories just keep coming. I can't get rid off them, sure I wanna keep and cherish them forever with all my might. You perfectly know that I'm so much of history repeater. If I could choose, I don't wanna be this person. I wanna be like any other girls, when break ups become a common thing and then they can move on to another man. I hate my state here, love, I always can't hold my tears when I remember about our memories. Sometimes I woke up in the middle of the night from my dream about you, dream that feels too real, then I cried when I realized you're not here anymore to calm me from stormy days. People said that I lose my weight and seems unhealthy. Yes, I want some curves, but not with unhealthy looks. I wonder what makes me look like that, then I realized that I skipped meal, irregular sleeps, and too much daydreaming and crying. Tell me how to fix it, love ? You always succeed to move my ass from laziness, it's only your spell. When you read this letter, could you come ? I won't ask for roses or chocolate, just say something if there's any hope for us. Or could you tell me where should I start to move on ? I don't have any idea where I should start all over again. I broke down as you walked away, tell me who might arrange this broken puzzle into one. Come back and hug me, love. Well, I may bothered you too much. I know you wanna set free. But you know where to come when you already tired from navigating. Come down, I'll be waiting you on the ground and we can settle everything back. Happy 22 love, I wish I still have a heart  to write this next month. I love you, and I'll always do. 

Your only desperate lover,

She doesn't know why she keeps doing this.Crying, begging, crawling into his arms again. But she knew one thing, their story has not finished, there is something hanging between them. He left her because he's not ready to bear a word 'commitment'. He left because he wanted to travel the world, in fact, he's still stay this city even in two years. That's it, she still see the hope, the hope that they might getting back together, because there is no big problem between them, really. Her love to him is too big to carry. she is too dedicated herself for him. She likes to  tag along with him anywhere. She's just like it too much

She is one lady who has the best understanding of her man

She knows that he looks for someone who can listen to his thoughts and bestow her trust in his dreams

She is an ideal couple for him who listens to his ideas with patience

He gets completely intimidated by her beauty and femininity

He steals her heart with his honesty and strong personality

He inspires her to be more creative in her dreams

He is an extrovert who is very different from her, he loves to take risks and he breathes adventures which is totally different from her personality but she knows how to reach the state of equilibrium with their love and affection

They need to understand their differences and accept them with grace to lead a more promising life

The rain continued to fall in the city, where she was hiding from James and lived her life as a lover of Jack. However, the rain didn’t diminish love. The rain didn’t make her removed her feelings for James. No matter how hard she tried to destroy the flutter, the shadows of James settled peacefully in her mind.

It has been 6 years since she left, disappeared from him. However, it didn’t change anything on her feelings, they were so strong. Jack really know if she still love James. It feels like millions needle stuck in his heart when she said James’ name, tell him how great he is now with sparkling eyes. She still secretly pay attention to him, even now. Thousands times Jack thought, why he loves her too much ? Until ignoring the hurt it caused. Jack understands, her love for James is so sincere. He blamed himself for being too selfish. He invited her to hide from James. He felt himself was too cruel for separating her from her true love.

One day, she looked at Jack with confusion, "Jack, what’s wrong with with you? " she asked.  Jack suddenly became cold and silent that morning. Jack pulled her into the house, looked at her with reddened eyes. She was surprised, Jack had never looked at her like this. "What's wrong?" she asked, her voice trembling with fear. Jack suddenly pulled her into his arms. Jack sobbed, tears falling from his eyes. Day by day, he only felt a fake love, lies. And it's painful for him.

"Please, don’t pretend to love me anymore. Please don’t." Jack sobbed. He continued to hug her tightly, reluctant to let go. She stunned to hear it. How could he know?

It wasn’t about cars, no.

He was a drifter. Someone who didn’t stay in one place long enough to build a sense of permanence. He could just drop everything at any moment when he deemed it necessary or just for the heck of it, and move to another place. He wasn’t someone who could be tied down because he was so much of a freedom seeker. He had talked to her about seeing the world and being everywhere, trying over all experience and chances.