Renee Yohe’s story is one of the main reasons TWLOHA exists, and a key part of her story is our late friend David McKenna. When Renee and her guitarist Jon Mayfield recently recorded an acoustic EP, BEARCAT Rawr!, one of the songs she revisited was “Saudade,” which she has now dedicated to David’s memory. We asked Renee to write more about the spirit of “Saudade” and what it means to her. We are grateful for Renee’s voice, in more ways than one, and privileged to share her words here.
Someone asked me recently what the word “saudade” meant to me. There are many different definitions of this word, and they were curious which one I believed. I believe they are all true, and together they capture this complex human emotion: the human experience of loving, longing, missing, losing, remembering, grieving—and continuing to live and move forward with hope, because we will love again.
Saudade, to me, is the epitome of duality.
It is described as a deep nostalgic longing for and turning toward the past, a yearning for someone or something that may never exist again. It’s that moment when you are painfully aware that something is missing, someone should be there, and you feel the hole created by their absence. It’s that “Great Gatsby” pang of homesickness for a home that is no more.
Saudade is also described as a love that stays, even after one has gone.
This is all very tragic and heavy, but it also speaks of hope. Saudade is also a turning toward the future. That same nostalgic recollection of the beautiful people, places, and things we’ve loved so much allows us to keep going because there will be more ahead. This is why we stay.
The acoustic version of this song is dedicated to David McKenna. He was one of my dearest friends, a man who profoundly impacted my life and countless others. He lived passionately, dreamed big, wasn’t afraid to make mistakes, and never quit. He was hilarious and equally as inappropriate as I can be. He was kind and always believed in others. My favorite trait of his was his fierce and unconditional love. If it weren’t for him, I don’t know that I would have made it past 19 years old, TWLOHA would not exist, and many dreams would have never been realized.
We lost David on the 14th of last December, a day I will never forget. It struck me to the core of my being, and it has been a long hard road without him. I have learned a lot through this loss; the process of healing and acceptance has been one of the hardest things. But I am grateful to have this pain. I would rather feel this than to have never had the beautiful gift of knowing David. It is a privilege and honor to keep his legacy alive through my life—and right now, through this song.
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