Delusional

You learn quickly that he seemed to have a different opinion on what the words “quiet” and “relaxing” meant. He hadn’t come to dinner with maps or an interest in discussing logistics of a future dungeon adventure, no, and you were grateful for that. But you were hoping that he’d leave the incident alone until you’d brought it up. But Laios and Falin operated on significantly different social cues than ninety percent of the rest of the world, so you should’ve realized that he’d want to discuss something of great interest to him as soon as he had the opportunity to. 

“I know Falin looked you over, but you’re not feeling any side effects of the…monster, right?” 

You had to be grateful that he asked you in a one-on-one setting rather than in front of the whole party. What had happened to you in the dungeon was deeply personal, luckily only he had gone to look for you when you’d disappeared from camp that night so only he saw what had truly happened to your armor and he’d kept it a secret like you’d asked (Falin definitely knew based on the questions she asked before leaving with Marcielle, but she didn’t count). 

“Uh, not that I’ve noticed,” you murmur, your gaze fixed on the rice remaining in your bowl that you push around with your spoon. It felt shameful knowing that Laios had seen you in that state, but your mostly empty bowl could not hide you from Laios Touden. He’d finish your rice then keep the bowl so you couldn’t use it as a way to avoid him. “I feel fine.”

Fine was a good word to use. Excellent, even. Truly the only choice you had for a response and it was to his credit that you could say that. You weren’t anything more than fine, the thought of saying you felt great or even just good after what had happened seemed less than normal, but you also weren’t less than fine. He’d gotten you free before any of the intruding tendrils could release much of their spend into your body, the sensitivity in your body had faded just a few hours after your rescue — Laios Touden alone could be credited with the fact that you could manage nothing less than fine. 

“Did it hurt?”

If you were any closer to Laios you’d admit your truth, but for now your truth is simply being fine and that was more than enough for you. So you settle for a lie by omission with a simple, “Not really, no.”

“I’m sure you were scared, but you pulled yourself together quickly once you were free.”

“I didn’t have much of a choice. We’ve all got to pull our weight in the dungeon.”

He nods, large fingers drumming against the table in a succession of taps from his pinky to index fingers. Laios liked to keep his hands busy, especially when there was information he was selling but uncertain how to obtain. You spoke to the rest of the party more than Laios, your attraction to him guiding you away from him with the intent of not making a fool of yourself more than you might have already while fighting through the dungeons, but you knew his tells. Falin was always quick to comment on her brother’s quirks, finding herself by your side and always encouraging him to talk with you both only to smile and shrug her indifference when he said he needed to talk to Shuro or Marcielle instead of chatting with you. 

“Laios is tapping again, he must have something to ask you,” she’d say, only to be proven correct when he did turn to face you and ask what was on his mind. 

Tonight would be no different. 

“Can you tell me what it felt like?”

He wanted to know what it felt like? He saw the position you were in, heard the squelching, your cries and moans, and got to clean you up before carrying you back to camp. It was easy to understand why he’d hesitate to ask. 

“I don’t think this is a conversation for this setting,” you state, glancing around the bustling tavern to make sure you hadn’t caught any unwelcome ears. Your party was of interest with your consistent success in the dungeon, you didn’t need anyone eavesdropping in the interest of learning secrets and hearing something they certainly shouldn’t. 

“Sorry, you’re right. I was just curious.”

“I’m going to get a private bath, I’ll need to scrub away the grime from the dungeon and the monster. You should join me.”

You swear you’d never seen Laios move faster than this moment, standing up so abruptly the chest plate he still wore knocked against the hard wood of the table, gathering the eyes of the other patrons near your table that was tucked away in the corner. A sharp glare has them returning to their meals and conversations, before you’re smiling at Laios as you stand from your seat. His cheeks are pink, his finger scratching at the side of his head as he mumbles something about being a bit too hasty before he’s following you out of the tavern and towards the bathhouse. 

The bathhouse lady never gave you any trouble, often giving you a discount on your usage of the private bath after you’d done her a favor in the dungeon a few months ago. However when she sees Laios half a step behind you a knowing eyebrow is raised as she extends the key towards you, to which you tell the teasing old hag to mind her business before you’re pulling Laios along by his wrist. 

“You didn’t even pay her.”

“I don’t have to until I’m done.”

“She makes me pay upfront for the public baths.”

“She probably thinks you’re a pervert.”

It was a known practice for bathhouse owners to make known or suspected perverts pay upfront to use the baths, securing their profit in the event their suspicions are confirmed and the pervert has to be kicked out immediately before they can manage to claim the fee for the use of their baths. 

“She might be right,” he mumbles, watching as you lock the door behind him and waste no time stripping down to nothing. “You don’t worry about me being a pervert?”

“Laios you’ve seen me in a much more compromising situation,” you remind, looking over your shoulder as you step into the hot pool of water. “Join me, I’ll tell you all about my experience.”

“J-Just don’t look.”

You chose not to comment on how he could watch you be fucked by a dungeon monster, defiling any modesty you could have in his eyes, but you couldn’t watch him undress. Instead you abide by his request, turning your back to the warrior so he could have his perceived privacy and sit on the bench in the water. 

He sits beside you shortly after, and you look over at him with a smile that you hope is reassuring. His face is bright red, clearly not the most comfortable but you’re not sure what to do about it since he put himself beside you. There was another seat, an entire bath that he could’ve seated himself around, and he chose to sit beside you.

“The tentacles are a little rough,” you start, choosing to get to the point of what he was interested in rather than dance around it. “They’re ribbed, I think.”

“Did they hurt? I-Inside you, I mean?”

“A little at first. You saw them, they were pretty thick, Laios.” He nods at the response, finally turning his head to look at you as you spoke to him. “They, uh, I think the monster has an aphrodisiac, too. After it went into my mouth, I just wanted more and didn’t feel any other pain until the third.”

“There were four that I counted?”

He shifts beside you, and you catch the minute movement of his arm at his side, and ripples in the water that suggested movement under the surface. Was he getting off to this? You’d always suspected Laios was a bit of a freak, but this was a gift to you if you were right. 

After months of lusting after the elder Touden sibling, trying to figure out what he was into and seeking from a partner you’re given quite the tip. You turn more to face him, your own hand moving beneath the surface of the water and meeting his on his shaft. His hands were large, you’d thought about them enough to be able to recall a near perfect image of them, but his hand feels larger while wrapped around his cock – was it that big? Hopefully you’d get to see it for yourself before leaving the bath, but that was up to Laios. 

“There were four,” you confirm, keeping your hand on his as he continues to stroke himself slowly. “The first went into my cunt, shortly after the second went into my mouth – really more my throat, if I’m being honest.”

“That deep?”

“They were long and I was pretty helpless with my hands and legs held apart by the tendrils,” you clarify, bringing your other hand to rest on his chest as he nods. “Thankfully I could breathe through my nose, otherwise I probably would’ve passed out or died.”

“Where- uh, where did the third go that it hurt you?”

“Where do you think it went?” Turning the question on him as your lips brush against his jaw seemed like the play, hearing his breath hitch and feeling the muscles in his hand flex as he squeezed his cock at the base. He saw you, he knew where they were and could likely have a clear mental image. “I’ll give you a hint, you stopped the fifth one from joining it.”

“Have you ever had something in your ass before that?”

“We’re talking about this event, not prior ones,” you scold, pulling your hand from his and leaning in more to cup his sac. “But have you?”

“I was in the military, men like to explore sometimes.”

You appreciate the honesty, rewarding him with a gentle squeeze to his sac that has him groaning before you kiss him. Laios would definitely be a fun lover to have, and he was a lover you wanted to have and hold onto for a long time. He was a competent and capable man, not always sure of himself but not afraid to rely on his companions to fill any gaps in his ability to complete the task ahead of him. He was strong, protective, someone you trusted to keep you safe – and clearly he trusted you too.

“The fourth in your pussy, did you like being full like that?”

You answer honestly, telling him that your brain felt pretty empty but your body enjoyed it greatly. Being full of two thick tentacles, one fucking in while the other pulled out, alternating in what you believed to be their desperation to get to your womb to fill it and reproduce. Not that they could, as your biology was incompatible, but the dryad didn’t know that. The dryad didn’t know that your ass wasn’t connected to your womb and therefore would be unable to aid in reproduction, but that same aggression kept you full and whining for more as they pulled orgasm after orgasm out of your helpless body. 

Your hand moves back to his shaft at his request, this time feeling him for yourself and marveling at how big he was in your hand. 

“Did you like being tied up like that?”

“It has its pros and cons,” you start, watching his face as your hand slowly pumps his length. “With a dungeon monster it’s pretty scary not having a way to easily get free and to safety. With another person who speaks the common tongue, it can be fun.”

“You looked for it, didn’t you?”

“I did,” you confess, your face hot at the admission despite having his erection in your hand beneath the water. “I thought it would be a bit more docile and take what I offered of myself, turns out it was greedy.”

“And when you were caught by the mimic on the trip before that?”

“Also intentional.”

“You’re interested in monsters like that?”

“I wasn’t at first,” you start, circling your thumb around his tip and enjoying the way he shuddered. “A regular client I do jobs for got an unusual request from one of their clients. Sorry from a specific monster however it could be retrieved. It was weird at first, then quickly got exciting. This time wasn’t for a job though, I was just interested after we saw them the last time.”

“You aren’t worried about getting hurt?”

“If I cum hard I feel like it’s worth it, no?” You flip the question, knowing that you and Laios were learning so much more about each other in this half hour in the bath than you had in six months of being in the same party. “A little pain feels good sometimes.”

“I think so,” he whispers, his eyes clearly struggling to stay open as your hand strokes him faster. “Just like that, I’m close.”

“Gonna cum for me, Laios?”

“I-I like the way you say my name,” he confesses, his hand taking your wrist to help you get to the pace he was seeking. “You called out for me that night.”

“I did?” That was news to you, but you could understand why he initially wouldn’t tell you that. You’d been a bit shaken after he’d cut you free; coming back to reality while also realizing that not only had you been caught in the act with a monster, but your pants and armor were destroyed leaving you with no armor for the rest of your excursion in the dungeon. Adding that you’d said his name at least once while being fucked by a monster probably wouldn’t have gone over well and you appreciate his concern there.

“Yeah,” he groans, squeezing your hand tighter around his shaft while maintaining the pace. “Sounded so sweet, I-I want to hear it more.”

“Go ahead and cum for me Laios,” you request, keeping your lips close to his ear as he nods. He looks so handsome like this, his face flushed and eyes struggling to stay open as he looks at you while you continue to pump his cock together in fast strokes. The way his bicep flexes with every stroke, his other hand holding your thigh in a grip tight enough you’re confident there will be bruises blossoming after he releases you — evidence of a man teetering on the edge of his control as you urged him to snap. “Let me see how pretty you are when you cum, Laios.”

“Y’think ‘m pretty?”

“Beautiful,” you whisper, your free hand pushing his hair away from his sweaty forehead. “C’mon, Laios. We can do it all again back at the inn.”

That does him in, his hand continuing to guide yours in slower strokes as he releases into the bath with what sounded akin to a soft wail. His neck strains, body tense all over his nails biting into your thighs as his head falls forward while you whisper reassurances into his ear, gently scratching at his scalp before his mouth collides with yours in a sloppy kiss. His shaky hands pull you over to straddle his lap, hissing into your mouth when your hips bump against his sensitive cock as it’s trapped between your two bodies. 

“Thank you,” he whispers against your lips, you feel the ghost of his smile against that has you smiling in return, resting your forehead against his as he tries to collect himself. 

“Maybe next time we can go find another dryad together,” you whisper, resting your head against his shoulder and smiling when he nods his agreement. “I think you’d have fun, too.”

you were thinking, too deeply maybe, about how easy it had been to shoot, pull the trigger and watch red hearts shatter like glass. back before the circus, you’d never even held a gun, never even thought about what it meant to really end someone. and yet here you were, victor by elimination, murderer in a world where murder didn’t really count but still felt so heavy in the pit of your chest.

nothing had prepared you for the sensation of aiming and pulling and watching someone’s head blossom in a flash of pixels. but the circus broke the rules. here murder was a game. laughing at someone else’s death was considered normal, if you look at Jax’s behavior. and if for you it was a shock, for Jax it was a feast. he enjoyed every shot.

out of nowhere, cold metal touched your temple and you jolted, nearly dropping the weapon in your grip.

“bang,” Jax’s voice lilted mockingly, warm breath brushing your ear. “you’re dead! oh waittt, no no no, looks like you already did the killing for me.” he nudged the gun playfully against your skin before flicking it away.

you whipped around, pulse leaping into your throat, only to find him grinning ear to ear, holding a pistol sideways as if it was a toy.

“you’re a real riot,” you hissed, forcing yourself not to step back.

“hey, don’t blame me, sweetheart. you’re the one holding a rifle bigger than your whole damn arm span,” Jax drawled, gesturing lazily to the gun you clutched. “oh it’s hilarious! especially from the rookie who just blew holes through their friends. hell, i’m impressed. didn’t think you had it in you.” he clicked his tongue, sighing with satisfaction. “so tell me. first kill? or you’ve got a little history i don’t know about?”

you went silent. the thought pressed itself in again and again, nauseating in its bluntness. killing. shooting. murdering. even if it wasn’t real, it felt real, and there was no way to scrub the image of Ragatha’s head cracking apart or Gangle staggering before collapsing. what was worse, there had been a moment where it hadn’t felt awful at all. a split-second where it had almost felt easy.

you let out a sharp, shaky laugh, but quickly composed yourself, a smile on your face.

“oh please, partner. this is the first time i’ve even touched a gun!” then you narrowed your eyes at him, tilting your head to be mocking as you grinned. “you, on the other hand, you looked like you were born with one. ever killed anybody before?”

a joke meant to echo his own dark humor back at him. nothing bad, you're joking, right?

but for some reason you couldn’t quite understand, Jax’s face changed. the cocky smirk froze, fading away. his pupils shrank, and his expression turned glassy distant, and that exact look, on someone like him, was more terrifying than the barrel pressed to your temple.

a silence thickened until he finally recovered. “depends. you mean the people in the circus or the ones before the circus?“ he blinked and snapped back, returning to his usual laughter, putting on a happy mask. and again, the gun was near your head, sending an unpleasant chill through your body.

you rolled your eyes, but your grip on your gun tightened. “you’re %$!#”

“takes one to know one.”

the silence stretched.

you broke it because his stare was starting to itch into your skull. “i just. . . y'know, i feel bad about Gangle,” you muttered, looking past him, to the bright colored curtains. “she was running, and i just shot her in the back. i—“

oh here you go whining again. and what now, he’s supposed to comfort you? what the hell did you come up with this time? maybe hug you, pat your head and tell you everything’s gonna be fine? bullshit.

Jax barked a mocking laugh that cut you off. “oh my god. really? you’re gonna start crying over shooting the sad noodle? that was the whole point of the game.”

“it didn’t feel like a game.” you looked down at the floor, guiltily hiding your gaze. “she trusted me.”

“no, don't be so naive. she trusted Zooble. and you blew her spine out mid-sprint. which, i gotta admit, was pretty awesome.”

“you don’t even care who you hurt, do you?”

if only you knew what you just said, what wound you touched.

your words made Jax take a step forward as he closed the gap until your back found the wall. the sound of the gun clicking against your temple was deafening in the empty corridor. his face was too close, despite the rising anger, creepy grin still slashed across his mouth.

“care?” he asked again. “sweetheart, you still don't understand? none of this is real. none of them matter. they’re dolls. props. toys for me to break when i’m bored. i like watching them squirm. you think i’m here to make friends?” Jax leaned harder, gun biting your skin. “i’m here to make it hurt. and this is what i find funny.”

looking into his eyes then, the thought came to you that this asshole was just bluffing, that there was a hollow place in him too cowardly to follow through. “you don’t mean it.” your breath stuttered, but you didn’t look away.

anger snapped in his expression. Jax pressed harder. “the hell i don't, sweetie.” and then, looking at your face, at that fucking fear you tried so hard to hide under a mask, Jax broke into insane laughter, still holding the gun right beside you. “you think i'm what, bluffing?”

feeling threatened, your hand tightened around your own weapon and without thinking you lifted it, pressing firmly to the side of his temple. a mirror, a perfect cruel reflection.

“you gonna shoot me, sweetheart?” Jax taunted, leaning into your gun. “blow my brains out? go for it! i bet it’d look beautiful, red and gray all over you. i could return the favor, you know. put one through those lips. watch the blood pour down your chin.”

“or i could just paint the wall with your head,” you snapped back, pressing harder. “maybe i’ll carve a hole in that smug grin or gut you instead. watch you laugh with your insides spilling.”

“god, you’re cute when you try to play psycho,” he sneered, though his grip on his gun trembled imperceptibly. “but you know, you shouldn't get carried away like that if you don't want to see your brains dripping down that wall. i could put this through your jaw right now. blow your teeth out the back of your skull.”

“you won’t,” you answered surprisingly steady.

Jax’s face twisted. “you don’t know a damn thing about what i will or won’t.”

“no,” your eyes held his, unwavering, “i do. you don’t mean any of it.”

Jax’s aggression grew with every second, with every fucking word out of your mouth and that expression on your face scared, pathetic, and fucking reminding him of someone. oh, how he hated everything happening right now. anger, shame, shame, so much shame, and fear he refused to admit burned through his face.

Jax leaned closer, pressing harder, forcing a groan of pain out of you. “don’t. test. me.”

whatever happens, happens. you pressed the barrel harder to his temple in response, threatening him too, your voice was almost pitying, and that made it worse.

“you don’t scare me, Jax. not with your cheap tricks, not with your toy guns. all that cruel %$!# you say, you’re just hiding. you’d never pull the trigger on me. because then you’d have no one left to laugh at, no one left to follow you around. what would you be? some sad clown with nobody left to mock? without me, you’re just a coward hiding behind jokes, terrified someone might see how %$!# lonely and pathetic you are.”

well, it seemed this little adventure had at least one upside. now Jax knew exactly what you thought of him. at least someone dared to say it right into his cocky fake ever-smiling face.

oh what’s wrong, bunny boy? what’s with those shocked eyes, glassy, without the usual spark of your stupid so called fun? why is he staring right through you? why, for the first time, did that look carry rage, raw, real, unmasked?

Jax’s thoughts were racing, but he refused to let himself show weakness.

and before another word could dig into that wound, his mouth slammed down in a rough kiss, silencing you with bruising force.

he gripped your clothes tight, and you couldn’t even respond properly, couldn’t kiss him back, because that bastard literally wouldn’t let you move.

your lips, your stupidly kissable lips.

kisses scared Jax, any action that could be seen as meaning he actually gave a damn about you scared him. seriously? you, just another loser in the circus, the one he lies to himself about every single day, swearing he’ll forget you the moment you abstract?

kissing you or shooting you was the same thing. and Jax decided he wouldn’t deny himself either.

when he finally broke away, panting, Jax pulled the trigger without thinking too long. the shot echoed.