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@lesbianstormtrooper
Baby, I'm here for the hard nights just as much as I'm here for the laughter and music in the afternoons.

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âTo have someone understand your mind is a different kind of intimacy.â
â Unknown
I am 1% human and 99% tired
YES >:(
Some days itâs definitely like that.

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Thereâs a part of me that isnât the same anymore
good morning gay people!!
@opossumtoesâ

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So I wanted to know what kind of crystal could go in a wizard staff, right? so I googled âbig crystal,â as one does, and got an Etsy ad for This
And as you all know I Am currently taking a geology class, so I am probably more emotionally invested in minerals than usual. But that is...very obviously not a natural crystal.
So I did some looking around on Etsy.
Now, these shops all seem to advertise to the âwitchyâ/âspiritual healingâ type of person. And there are a lot of them. Crystals are a Big Thing on Etsy. And ALMOST ALL of them are obviously artificially cut into the same sort of prism with a triangular pyramid top, regardless of the actual sort of crystal it is supposed to be.
Even like, fucking, obsidian. Obsidian is volcanic glass, it doesnât form crystals at all, it is not a crystal
Iâm not throwing any shade at people who are into crystals for like witchy reasons, but it really seems like if crystals are spiritually important to you, you should know what a crystal is...right...?
So there I am. Caught in the helpless anger and distaste of looking at geologically inaccurate Etsy crystals.
And as I scroll, I start to see items in...interesting shapes:
âOh,â I think to myself. âOh no.â
But it is too late. I have heard the sirenâs song, singing to me of knowledge that will destroy me, but that I cannot help but seek.
These...elongated objects are almost always ambiguously described as âmassage wands,â âcrystal healing wands,â and other such innocuous things. The egg-shaped objects are, um, âyoni eggs.â
...Right. Okay.
Maintain the youthfulness of my sacred organ.
ITâS A SEX TOY. SAY IT. BITCH, ITâS A SEX TOY, ITâS OKAY, SERIOUSLY, THEREâS NO SHAME IN IT, SAY IT WITH PRIDE, SAY IT WITH YOUR CHEST,
OKAY.
Okay. Iâm good. Iâm fine.
Actually, you know what, never mind. There is shame in this and I want it to be never acknowledged again.
Additionally, I am not fine.
Why the fuck are there so many of theseâ
At this point I stop and start googling.
Now, Selenite is the crystalline form of gypsum. It is also known as satin spar. Selenite is brittle and breaks easily, and has a Mohs hardness scale of 2.
For those unfamiliar with the Mohs hardness scale, a mineral with a hardness of 2 is soft enough that it can be easily scratched with a fingernail. It also is dissolved by moisture.
NO. DONâT PUT THAT IN YOUR BODY???? DONâT PUT THE GYPSUM, WHICH HAS A MOHS HARDNESS SCALE OF 2, IS BRITTLE AND BREAKS EASILY, AND IS WATER SOLUBLE, INSIDE YOUR LITERAL ACTUAL VAGINA??????????
I try to reassure myself with the fact that these things are probably not actually selenite, because making a dildo out of such a soft mineral in the first place would be very difficult. Having seen fluorite before, I feel pretty certain that the fluorite yoni eggs are probably actually just glass.
I google fluorite.
Okay.
Further exploring online shows me that fluorite is soluble in various strong acids.
Some guys on a forum in 2004 have strong contradictory opinions on this.
(I google the pH of the vagina.)
I donât understand how pH works. I give up on the solubility question and google the toxicity of fluorite:
I now know at least one orifice fluorite does not go inside.
Science.
No, dear followers, my journey did not end here.
I have opened Pandoraâs box, except Pandoraâs box is filled with minerals God did not intend to be anywhere near the vagina carved into the shape of dildos. Etsy is advertising me sex toys I wish I could forget.
And vaginal steam herbs.
It seems that there is potentially a correlation between wanting to steam your vagina and wanting to put rocks in it. I know, groundbreaking discovery.
Okay, so weâre talking therapy substitute therapy substitute.
(I begin to think about how desperately we need universal health care. Maybe I just need someone, something, to blame.)
At this point, I realize that I havenât done any googling on whether dildos made of rocks are a good idea at all. So, very tentatively, as if typing it more slowly will make it any less observed by the FBI, I google whether quartz should be used...internally.
First result that pops up:
Thatâs, uh. Thatâs reassuring.
I decide Iâm incapable of unpacking this particular suitcase.
There are, of course, a small handful of articles debating the safety of rose quartz sex toys. But Iâm getting the feeling that this is not a normal question to have in the first place. I close the tab with little relief.
Etsy is still enthusiastically recommending me things that hurt me psychologically.
...pleasure chalk?
How can I describe the fear that this image struck in me, reader?
Pleasure Chalk? What could that be?
Is knowing worse, or is not knowing? I scarcely have a choice:
I check in with my emotions.
Is this relief? Am I relieved that they are eating the dirt instead of fucking it? One review complains about the taste. I donât know what they expected.
I try in vain to struggle against the tide, to return to the relatively normal side of Etsy. I begin to resent, no, hate, these deceptively aesthetically pleasing hippie shops eagerly spreading medical misinformation and things as yet unknown.
This, unlike the other âcrystalsâ I have shown, appears to show naturally grown crystals. They are, of course, quartz crystals, and $45 comes off as extremely overpriced. I have a quartz crystal I got for a dollar at an Eastern Kentucky rock festival, about the size and quality of the ones in the photo.
Quartz is the most common mineral in the Earthâs crust. But at least this is regular levels of annoying.
Then I see this:
Well, I see the photo and the price, and I think, that looks like a regular quartz crystal. Thereâs no way a regular quartz crystal is $1,347.
I read the description:
I am crying. I donât want to google any of this. I am beyond googling. I no longer desire knowledge.
THATS A QUARTZ CRYSTAL. MOTHERFUCKER THATâS QUARTZ. SIO2, MOST COMMON MINERAL IN THE EARTHâS CRUST. ITS FUCKING QUARTZ IMâ
I click on a malachite.
The malachite promises to protect me from emails. And at this, darkest hour, I want to be protected.
I have been broken. I have been lured to my demise.
Big Brother: loved.
Geology lab Iâm supposed to be doing: incomplete.
God: unmerciful.
i canât stop laughing really.
come on sisâŚ
within 2 seconds i knew i was abt to witness a war crime
I have never been more insulted in my LIFE
i wish all white people making rice a very read the fucking instructions on how to make rice oh my gods itâs not that hard
This hurt me on a personal level.
Hereâs one good thing to come out of 2020:
Paleontologists completed a life-sized replica of Sue, the most complete T. Rex ever found.
And she is freaking GORGEOUS!
As I read more about this beauty, I found out some new details regarding things I thought I previously knew about the beast that was Tyrannosaurus Rex, and Iâm going to share them with you.
First, and most obvious, her size:
This is nothing new, we all figured T. Rex was big, but I for one never stopped to consider exactly how big it was. Nobody ever really knows what to imagine when they read about something the size of a whale that walked around and ate everything it could kill.Â
Speaking of eating things, I just want to remind you all that T. Rex hadâby milesâthe strongest bite of any terrestrial animal living or dead, somewhere around six and a half tons of force. Thatâs over six times greater than the current estimate of what Allosaurus was capable of, and three times what was delivered by the highest measured reading of the living title holderâthe estuarine crocodile. It didnât have to waste time swinging its head open-mouthed like Saurophaganax for a little extra oomph, or grow fancy serrated teeth like Carcharodontosaurus to cut pieces out of its prey. It opted for the simplest approach: get its mouth around something and crush it to death; imagine the full weight of an elephant on whatever was between this thingâs jaws.
âHow did it find something to eat?â I hear you asking. âIt canât see something if it doesnât move, right?â
Listen, I love Jurassic Park too, but thatâs a big crock of shit.
Notice how both her eyes face forward. That gives her binocular vision (the ability to focus both eyes on one target, like you and I). More importantly it means she has impeccable depth perception due to overlapping fields of vision from each, large, eyeball. Researchers agree that T. Rex not only had incredible vision, but that it was probably better than most modern animalsâincluding eagles, hawks, and owlsâand that she could likely spot something three and a half miles away. If something that big can see that well, it doesnât matter if you move or not, sheâd be able to tell if it was an animal trying to hide or a piece of vegetation. So pray she isnât hungry if she lays eyes on you. And even if by some miracle she didnât see you, sheâd still smell you.Â
If she decided you looked tasty, you probably wouldnât hear her coming as much as youâd feel her. Modern science indicates that T. Rex didnât roar like in Jurassic Park, but rather bellowed or maybe even hissed like crocodilians. If she were on to you, youâd most likely feel this sense of unease creep up your spine as a low-pitched rumble in the air permeated through you. You wouldnât know what it was or where it was coming from until you hear her footfalls. By then itâs too lateâyou could try to run but sheâd probably catch you. Thereâs plenty on YouTube that reconstructs what T. Rex may have sounded like, and itâs legitimately haunting. Â
To wrap all of this up, the one bit of good that came out of the cursed year that is 2020 is that this wonderful child of science and art came into the world, and reaffirmed my respect and admiration for the eight ton slab of muscle and teeth that is this magnificent creature.
âŚand it is nothing if not magnificent.
@fnaf-is-awesome201 Lots of words but DINOSAURS!!!

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