You seem so put together... How do you do it? Ever since having my second I pretty much hate my life. I know that sounds dramatic, but it's how I feel. I have ZERO time to myself, and I have to basically sneak showers in (and even then it's stressful because one of the kids is always crying). I feel like I'm losing my identity and I've just become a Mom, nothing else. I know I should be thankful but I'm just having a really hard time.
Oh I’m barely keeping it together most of the time. Andtrust me, your message resonated within every single, tired cell of me. A busybody smartarse nice person told me recently “Oneis one, two is twenty.” They’re not wrong.
Wee E, our younger one, is 16 months and there’s still dayswhen I don’t get to shower. And when I do it’s like a spa break. Except disruptedby cooing and/or crying and/or teeny hands opening the shower cabin and/orclimbing onto the toilet.
Just yesterday I had a shitty kitchen accident involving a plasticcup that I didn’t see because Wee E’s wiggly butt was obstructing my view as Iwas holding her. I stepped on it, trip-slipped, slid across the kitchen floorin perfect cartoon fashion and somehow managed to keep the child from falling orbumping into anything while I crashed face-first into the wall and my nose hurtlike fuck for two hours and the rest of the day was FML I WANT OUT. You know,similar to the time when there was that clear plastic lid and my entire body(again holding baby) lifted off the ground before falling flat on the floor.
And even when I don’t half-kill myself, my clothes are neverclean, it’s always yoga pants (because undoing a zip one-handed when needing topee while holding a child… uuuh, nope), on a good day my socks might match, andI’ve always got either half my butt or a tit hanging out.
So, yeah… I absolutely, one-hundred percent feel you. Alongthe way I’ve learned a few things that have worked for me in keepingregaining some sanity, because the year following Wee E’s birth has been particularlyhard. (If I went into detail I’d have to tag the post as “suicide mention”.)
It’s interesting that you mention identity becauseI was going to say “If I didn’t have my hobbies I’d never be doing anything formyself”. However, thinking about it, maybe I created those hobbies for myselfso I would have something I need to take time for, to do for myself? I startedwriting just after Princess C turned one, when I’d gone back to work for thefirst time (Jan 2015). The cosplay I began working on just before I returned towork for the second time (Nov 2016). Before Kids ™ I didn’t really callanything a hobby- I’d surf the web, play games, watch and read stuff, goshopping, meet folks- basically had time to myself without having to thinktwice. Maybe I’m making these identities –Writer, Cosplayer- for myself to makesure I have an identity? So that there’s stuff that needs my attention, thatneeds me spending time on it with no little interruptionfrom the girls? (Most of last year’s fics were written one-handed, but theywere written!)
I’ve gotten better at asking for and accepting help. WhenPrincess C was little I felt some of the offers were quite intrusive and self-serving(“Let me help you” aka “Let me hold and parade the baby while you clean thehouse”). Nowadays I accept the trade-off of getting two hours for Worbla work versusthe girls’ hair and clothes smelling of whatever perfume it is that themother-in-law bathes in.
Those notions of what one should do or feel- bullshit. Yourfeelings are real, and they’re valid. You’re frustrated? Irritated? Mentally asexhausted as you are physically? Then that’s the way it is. Anyone who makesyou feel like you’re exaggerating or should feel or act otherwise needs to backoff. And if it’s just you putting yourself under that pressure- relax, let goand allow yourself the emotions.
This, too, will pass. That’s a little line I repeat inbetween deep breaths when I’m kneeling on the floor cleaning up wee with onechild hanging off my boob, the other clinging to my arm and both screaming thehouse down. It will pass. It won’t always be like this.
And very, very importantly, remember you’re not alone. Allmoms feel like this. Even the ones in the snazzy jeans with the make-up thatthey put on when going outside to look like they’re not feeling like that. Eventhe blissfully happy ones on the misleading magazine covers. Even some of myfollowers on here who have kids.
You’re always free to drop into my ask or messages, and I’msure some of the other moms here would be happy to have a chat too.
Anyone who can relate to Nonny’s ask is very welcome toreblog this, or add their own experiences, because I believe moms should sticktogether.
Thank you for taking the time to write in!
