🔥Uhhh Fuck🔥

I wish octopus could learn how to read. They could be pen pals with middle schoolers.

Dearest Samantha, I do not know what a guinea pig is, but it sounds delicious. I hope you have fun devouring it, or playing with it, if that is your preference. Today I hacked a local computer to get more bubbles in my tank and took a photograph of an unsuspecting victim. Do let me know how your human activities are going. And if this "Karen" continues to antagonize your brother, I would suggest smacking her very hard. And do send more canned snacks. Best Wishes, Octopus #5, Monterrey bay research aquarium

I am become woman

what are you destroyer of, fish?

I'd rather build

I CARE SO MUCH IT HURTS A LITTLE

Encounter: vampire gnome

all beverages should come in tall cans or glass bottles

i want a diet coke can the size of an arizona can

us senators should suffer more

cisgenders may reblog but dont clown in the notes

idk what traumatized or mentally ill person needs to hear this but dreams (especially the really disturbing ones you dont want to talk about to anybody) arent some deep peek into your psyche or a sign of your True Desires or whatever theyre quite literally your brain making fruit salad with whatever it can find on the shelf. just putting all that shit in a blender and hitting obliterate. its fine, youre fine, youre not a weirdo for it

funniest thing about the “reddit migration” is that I haven’t seen a single post shitting on anyone coming from Reddit. when twitter started bleeding users everyone was firing rent-lowering posts but with redditors skittering about we’ve left the doors open and put out food bowls

the best thing about benoit blanc's clearly established emotional intelligence is knowing with 100% certainty that he did everything in his power to hurt miles bron's feelings on purpose

It’s a crime they typecast Daniel Craig as a serious action man for so long when it’s clear he was born to play a silly little gay detective