I'M A MAN DAMN IT

person A: can play 12 different instruments, got accepted into Harvard, is organized

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in Elder Scrolls Online, you can steal things. And sometimes, you will get caught stealing. Usually, when this happens, NPCs will just be like “ugh smh” and you’ll get a small bounty, which will eventually wear off.

But sometimes. Sometimes. NPCs will flip out and try to murder you for stealing. They will try to punch you until you die.

When this happens, you have a number of options:

Kill them. This is not ideal, however, because killing them will count as murder, even if it was in self-defense. Additionally, even if there’s no one else around, killing them will still get you the murder bounty; it appears that they can be witnesses to their own murder.

Let them kill you. This is also not ideal, for obvious reasons, as your gear will get damaged and you’ll have to spend gold to repair it.

Try to run. This is risky, however, because if you’re in a town, the guards might catch you. If the guards catch you, they will take all of your stolen loot, which is terrible. It’s better to be killed than let the guards take your stolen loot.

Try to evade them and block their attacks until they get tired of trying to kill you and leave you alone. This generally works out pretty well; just run in circles and block their punches, and make sure to keep an eye on your stamina and health, and you should be fine.

Obviously, option number four is my preferred method of dealing with these situations. It’s far less risky than running, won’t get you a horrifyingly huge bounty like killing them would, and you don’t die. 

So, just a little while ago, I got caught stealing something, and this dude flipped out and started punching me. So of course I tried to wait it out until he gave up by running in circles and blocking his attacks.

But

did you know

when you block someone’s attacks in ESO, a small amount of damage is returned to them.

And, of course, I was keeping an eye on my own health bar and stamina bar. I was not paying attention to his health bar.

And he died.

He punched me so much that he died.

He’s dead. He’s lying in a pool of blood because he would not stop punching me and he literally fucking died from punching me so much. He fucking punched himself to death and now he’s fucking dead he literally punched me and then dropped dead.

And guess what

this still counts as murder.

I was just casually walking through town, and I saw another player running along, and their health bar was really low.

So, naturally, I healed them, nbd.

And then the words YOU ARE NOW NOTORIOUS AND WILL BE KILLED ON SIGHT BY THE LAW flashed across my screen

because it turns out that that player was running from the guards, and also, that casting healing spells on wanted criminals is punishable by death.

So of course I ran for it. The guards pursued, but I had a head start, and most of them were still chasing the player who I’d just healed. 

I ran for the outlaw’s refuge. It wasn’t far; it was soon within sight, and the guards still chased me, firing arrows and spells, but escape was within my reach. I could see the entrance, right there. It was so close.

And then.

And then this fucking nun just appears out of nowhere and charges right into my field of view, punches my in the face, and I die.

and it went about as well as you would expect

and i saved the best for last

the stuff i’m seeing passed around now about “supporting perpretrators” in addition to survivors is the horrifying track down which that train of thought has sped, because what people don’t seem to understand is that mental illness and trauma do no make you an exception to the boundaries of those around you. it is necessary to be aware of the ways that survivors and mentally ill people may lash out emotionally at those they are close to but it is not actually necessary to be “accepting” to the point that it is harmful to you. your emotional boundaries are important, more important than whatever obligation you feel to “accommodate” someone’s trauma.

it is not “okay” that survivors sometimes display manipulative/abusive behaviors towards the people around them and it is important to handle these situations with tact, sure, but not to the detriment of setting your own boundaries and checking the behaviors in question. when friends i know are mentally ill/ trauma survivors have lashed out at me with emotionally manipulation tactics in times of great distress, i have supported them afterward, but i have always followed this up with a discussion about how these kinds of behaviors can not and will not continue or our relationship will end. this is not “ableist” or refusing to support survivors’ trauma, it is setting strong boundaries within the context of supporting each other and providing the community in which we all can heal. what is important here is that these are isolated incidents – learned defense mechanisms arising in times of panic and stress – and not consistent grabs for power. these are not people following the deliberate, overarching pattern of actions abusers use to isolate and control victims, and their actions are easily distinguishable from such.

“what people don’t seem to understand is that mental illness and trauma do no make you an exception to the boundaries of those around you.”

“it is not “okay” that survivors sometimes display manipulative/abusive behaviors towards the people around them [….]   when friends i know are mentally ill/ trauma survivors have lashed out at me with emotionally manipulation tactics in times of great distress, i have supported them afterward, but i have always followed this up with a discussion about how these kinds of behaviors can not and will not continue or our relationship will end”