Who am I today?
Am I
Jason the sports jock?
Nathan the science nerd?
Melanie who loves to travel and go shopping?
Crystal the christian baker who wants kids?
Paxton the atheist DND nerd?
Paige the witch who loves books and hates kids?
How do I know?
When I feel low and disassociated
When I can barely pick myself up off the floor
What's the favorite color?
What do I think I look like?
What's my favorite hobby?
What will bring me comfort?
Should I pull out my tarot cards
or my Bible
or a favorite book
or just cry to the stars?
Do I download a dating app and look for a partner?
Or will that make me feel angry in an hour?
Will I get to the date and switch halfway through?
How can I form relationships
or friendships
when I don't even know myself?
How can I make any meaningful life decisions
when tomorrow I might wish the opposite?
I can't even decide on a hair color.
How can I decide on a career
or whether to have kids?
Will I look back in 20 years and hate every aspect of my life?
Or will that day come tomorrow?
I wish my life could look like yours.
Every choice solely mine.
But instead I switch and flip and flop
like a fish out of water
gaspingforairdesperatelyhelpmepleasedeargodican'tdothis
my own comfort
my own condemnation
I hold multitudes
and yet
I am alone.











