randomly spent my night thinking about Max in Double Exposure, how haunted she is, how she’s grown and changed over the decade since her time in Arcadia Bay, and how so much of the personality she shows at Caledon is actually something of a front — probably not as intentionally manipulative as it was for Rachel Amber, who actively changed how she was perceived by others to get what she wants, but as a subconscious trauma response, a way to get people to focus on the surface level, to keep them from peering any deeper and seeing just how haunted and broken and hollow she really is.
after Arcadia Bay, regardless of the decision made, she wanders. she takes photos of abandoned places to reflect how she really feels, and she takes photos of “ordinary people on the verge of change” to cling to how she felt before everything back home went down, to put that trauma onto others so that she doesn’t have to process her own. it’s a coping mechanism, and while it produces beautiful art, it’s not healthy. it’s also notable that she doesn’t stay in one place too long — whether that’s because nothing quite feels like home OR she’s terrified of causing another disaster just by being somewhere for too long, she’s keeping herself from a stable life, plunging herself over and over into the torrent of her trauma while refusing to reach out for help.
when she makes it to Caledon, it’s clear that she likes what she does, where she’s at, and it’s just as clear that that scares her. they say time heals all wounds, but — perhaps because she messed with it so thoroughly — time has only kept Max’s wounds raw and stinging, a stasis that hurts to so much as regard let alone try to heal. she keeps all of her pain to herself, uses the happiness and sense of belonging Caledon gives her and depends on it. for the first time in basically 15 years, she has somewhere she enjoys being, with people she enjoys the company of. the last thing she wants is to dredge up that pain and have to run again.
so she keeps it up. leans into this newer, more confident version of herself. she smiles more, she cracks jokes, she FLIRTS… and it’s all to keep people focused on what she frames, to keep herself focused on that image of who she’d rather be, veiling everything else beyond the stark white borders of her image. and this happiness isn’t a bad thing in and of itself, but that she’s using it to hide how much she’s been hurting, how broken her past has left her, how terrified she is of it ruining this good thing she’s got going… that’s what does the damage.
and I think what’s really interesting is who she flirts with and how: Vinh and Amanda.
with Vinh, it’s cute banter and barely restrained sexual tension. it’s playful. it’s fun. it’s not a threat. Vinh is clearly attracted to her, but — once again — it’s to that surface level version of her, the one that he could probably have some fun with and not have to put any emotional labour in. like her, Vinh is just as concerned with maintaining his image, just as adverse to authenticity, and this makes him not a threat. so she flirts with him, maybe they hook up, and there’s no harm done.
but Amanda’s different. Max watches Amanda with those doe eyes of hers, daydreaming wistfully about how sweet and how kind she is…and it is so different from how she’s been acting at Caledon this whole time. Amanda sees through the facade somewhat, knows that — even if they can have a laugh — Max is a person who hurts. and even Amanda herself admits that that’s the kind of person she’s attracted to: emotionally unavailable disaster women. and Max? yeah, she’s as emotionally unavailable and disastrous as they get.
it’s clear that Max, even if just subconsciously, wants the stability that Amanda can give her. sure, she’s cool, she’s funny, she’s cute, she’s probably a great kisser, but more than that, Amanda is smart and mature and authentic. if they’re to be together, there’s a VERY good chance she’ll eventually find out everything that’s going on beneath the surface, all the poison and the rot that’s been festering beneath that smile for well over a decade that Max hasn’t yet taken care of. and, even if just subconsciously, Max wants someone who can see all of that and still want her, still love her.
it’s why it’s harder for her to flirt with Amanda — unlike Vinh, Amanda’s a threat to the disorder that’s dominated so much of Max’s life, a threat to her own legacy of self-loathing and pity, a chance to maybe for once be normal and actually heal. and she precariously walks that line between wanting it and wanting to hide from it. thats why, when they kiss for the first time, Max tries to break her. it’s a very passionate kiss (and it clearly gets Max going), but it’s also toxic: in that moment, had Max kissed Amanda first, it would be somewhat of an admission to wanting what Amanda could give her, agreeing that she is emotionally available for the kind of relationship Amanda wants.
but that’s the thing: she isn’t. she’s still hurting, she’s still scared, she still can’t talk about all that pain and torment and agony she’s carried with her and let hollow her out all this time. so she hides again, reverts to playful banter and dares Amanda to kiss her first. it’s cute, and it’s clearly effective, but it lets her off the hook for any promise of emotional vulnerability. it’s why not kissing Amanda is ultimately the wiser option: not because Max doesn’t have those feelings, but because she isn’t actually properly, sincerely acting on them if she kisses her.
in the end, though, it’s Safi — who has spent the whole game trying to understand Max, trying to understand what her mother sees in her, trying to understand why she refuses to open up about herself — who ultimately forces Max to open up, and it’s only because Safi also has powers that Max can finally be upfront and unpack all that trauma. she’s finally face to face with someone who, even if only marginally, gets it.
and then the storm happens, and it’s not just Safi’s trauma taking over. Max has to relive, unpack, and conquer all of her own, this time to help someone else…at the cost of everyone finding out. in a way, Max does have somewhat of a secret identity, but it’s not that she has powers: it’s to what extent her trauma has defined her, what that trauma is, why she’s so terrified of it and why she’s spent all her life running from it.
but with the storm now passed, everyone sees the truth…and they still want Max around. they’ve seen beyond the facade, and they’ve decided that Max — fucked up and hurt and haunted as she is — is someone they want in their lives, in their community.
and finally, what Max feared all along is proven untrue. she can have all this trauma and invite all this devastation and people still love her. and that’s what gets her to finally stay at Caledon.
everyone around her ultimately sees something different in the storm about Max. Vinh sees what made Max so haunted in the first place. Amanda sees why Max is so afraid of herself. Diamond sees a perspective outside of her own. Reggie sees a second chance to become less fickle. Loretta sees something that she just can NOT explain.
Safi sees a warning, of what could become of her if she doesn’t take responsibility and wise up.
and Max sees her life flash before her eyes, all that she feared coming back…and a chance to do something different, to be better. and she takes it.
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