P-blogg

Hey, thanks all you stubborn idiots who refuse to acknowledge that being trans is a medical condition. It’s your all-inclusive ideology that has allowed people to corner transgender individuals and imply that their “lifestyle” is a choice. 

Quite frankly, being transgender isn’t even a fucking “lifestyle.” It’s no more a lifestyle than being deaf is a lifestyle. There might be trans and deaf communities, but that doesn’t make being trans or deaf a lifestyle choice. You don’t choose to be deaf or trans, you just are. Then, it’s up to you as to how to pursue treatment. Are you going to learn sign language? Are you going to get hearing aids or read lips? Are you going to pursue HRT and undergo surgeries? Either way, those treatments aren’t lifestyle choices. They’re medical ones.

My aunt contacted me today to ask how I felt about this Trump nonsense, and honestly, I straight up told her that this is exactly why I’m so adamantly against this feel-good “trans is whatever you feel like it is!” narrative. It’s not. Trans is not some complex “I thought about gender so much that I transcended space and time, and now my gender is infinite and all-encompassing.” It’s literally a medical condition, specifically a neurological condition. Possibly an intersex condition.

That said, just… please. I know that, honestly, very few people will probably even think about this post after you scroll past it. On the off chance someone who isn’t already a transmedicalist sees this and bothers to read to the end, even if it’s just to leave some vaguely trollish “pee your pants”-esque response, just please consider this: stop treating gender as if it’s something that can be chosen oh a whim. Stop treating the “trans” label as an umbrella term. Stop equating the gender identity of a transgender individual with your desire to be gender nonconforming or “not like other girls/boys.”

I know there are a lot of people on this website who (at least claim to) have experienced depression and anxiety. You all complain about Karen who talks about her brief experience with grief after someone’s passing, and how she recovered just by getting enough sleep, doing yoga, and eating her vegetables. You all complain about how she doesn’t realize that that situational depression isn’t the same as your clinical depression. 

This is literally what y’all are doing to dysphoric transgender people. 

You’re taking your neuroses, your irritation, your personal problems with your sex’s societal gender norm, and you are claiming that it’s the same feeling that a person gets when they are mourning a childhood they will never fucking have, when they are lamenting that they will never produce children in a way that doesn’t cause any dysphoria, when they are so wracked with despair and frustration but they can’t understand why because their life is fine, but why does everything feel so so wrong? 

Ah yes, “detransition discourse”, or “trans people are ruining their lives by being trans” in a vaguely progressive hat.

The reasons for detransitioning are often more complex and varied than this discourse implies. While there are some people who transition socially and/or medically and then realize that they do completely identify as the gender they were assigned at birth and regret transitioning, this is really… not as common as some people assume.

Sometimes people realize that they do identify more as their assigned at birth gender but they still really prefer how they look and feel on HRT/with surgical modifications.

Sometimes people took steps to be read as the “opposite” gender for social reasons (such as employment, medical access, etc.) and then later no longer took those steps, due to personal preference or medical or financial or some other reason. However, they have identified as nonbinary the entire time, regardless of how other people have chosen to gender them.

Sometimes people need to go back to presenting as their assigned at birth gender for a while for their own safety.

Sometimes people have doubts inflicted on them by the persistent voices of close connections and the world at large who say they’re just faking, and they discontinue medical and social transition for a while before realizing no, wait, they are actually trans and other people are assholes.

These are ALL situations based on people that I know. So. Yanno. There’s a lot more going on with detransition than “woman thinks she’s a man bc internalized misogyny and then regrets ever going on Testosterone, Which Is Poison.”

Gender IS  a social construct. And we live in a society. And we’re a social species. People don’t stop needing money to survive in capitalism because money is a social construct. Racism isn’t solved by people going “wait, guys!! Race is a social construct!!” “It’s a social construct” does not mean “it has no influence on material reality.” It just means that it’s not necessarily rooted in material reality, as in, there is no gender gene that we can point to and say “here it is, here’s the little fucker that made me feel like human gender doesn’t apply to me and I’d rather be a featureless sphere”.

Funny enough, a lot of the people who use “gender is a social construct” sure are heavily invested in the most widely accepted construction of gender, where there are men and women and everyone’s biology and behavior is strictly divisible along that binary.

People are going to try to make you not be trans because they’re assholes and have their own shit to work out. Sometimes they’ll dress it up in gender studies soundbites and feel really smug and self-righteous about it. But what matters is you. What matters is how you feel.

You’re never going to get a signed certificate from your True Innermost Self that says “you are definitely this gender!” What you have to do is work out what you need and how to get there.

I can honestly assure you that it is not at all common to react to the limitations of gender roles by saying “I’ll just transition then.” What people want when they feel constrained by gender roles is to be allowed to be the person that they are without being hemmed in by societal expectations based on gender, not to be perceived as a different gender. If you are experiencing discomfort with the gender that people perceive you as itself, not only with the associated expectations, then it’s not internalized misogyny.

Would you feel more comfortable being known as [insert gender here]? Do you want to modify your body, through medical or other means? Do you want to change your name, your pronouns, anything else? Do those things. If what you want changes later, do what you want then. You can’t live your life in anticipation of maybe changing your mind, nor can you live your life as if really loud people with bad opinions and an excess of investment in other people’s choices know better about what you need than you do.

I believe you. It’s okay to be nervous and second-guess. But I believe you, and I think you believe you, too.

(I’ve received lots of questions about this, so here we go..! )

Things you need

A decent razor. A sharp razor makes a world of a difference. (I buy women’s Schlick hydro disposables. 10$ for 3 - replace them often!)

Shaving cream. Gel-types tend to work best for me, I get the girly ones’

A shower. Hot water baby!

Things you do

Get in the shower and turn the water on fairly hot, this helps soften up body hair.

First use a gel body wash as it leaves your skin feeling silky and slippery, don’t forget to scrub! Or use an exfoliating cleanser. (I don’t use them normally)

Notice how hair on your body grows in many different directions, in sensitive areas it is often recommended that you shave WITH the direction of the hair growth and not against. (different per person)

Use PLENTY of shaving cream!

Shave carefully and don’t apply too much pressure, make sure and clean off the blade with water every pass or two. Reapply shaving cream as needed.

Once you’re smooth all over, wash yourself again with body wash.

What I do at this point is scamper into my room without drying myself, turn on my two fans on high and air-dry. (I do this because it quickly tightens up my pours and doesn’t give them as much time to get dirt down inside them) I’m not sure if this helps but I take what I can get.

Once I’m dry I like to rub coconut oil all over me to keep things hydrated (Reapply moisturizer daily!)

Things you remember

Wear clean pants and underwear as much as possible

Don’t sit in the bath tub

Wash your sheets often

Clean your computer chair seat or desk chair at work

Don’t get sweaty or keep sweaty clothes on

Basically everything that comes into contact with these sensitive shaven areas needs to be clean and not too constricting. (Wearing tight clothing for lengthy amounts of time can make the hair trying to grow back get confused and veer off course..)

(if my methods don’t work for ya, think about waxing those sensitive areas. I’m considering doing it for the first time myself)

It’s an ongoing battle and even I have had to scrap videos/photos due to annoying little razor-bumps.. don’t get discouraged though because it is well-worth the time and effort!

I’ve been asked a lot recently (and in the past) about how to approach your partner about crossdressing. People have asked this with both male and female partners, however I’m mostly going to talk about girlfriends as I get asked a lot more about them.

I’ve covered this before in a fair amount of detail; today I’ll briefly go over how you should tell them, but importantly how you should act towards them once they know.

Telling Your Girlfriend

There are a few ways to do this, and it mostly depends on how well you know your girlfriend:

1. Just tell her, she won’t have a problem.

2. Ask her about crossdressing, it’ll give you an idea on how she’ll react.

3. Probably shouldn’t tell her, you know she’ll hate it.

If your girlfriend is quite liberal, pro-lgbt and doesn’t believe in gender stereotyping, chances are she won’t really care about your wearing dresses and you can go with option 1. Obviously you will need to have a proper conversation with her, but she won’t actually mind.

If you can’t tell whether your girlfriend with mind or not, take option 2. Ask her about seeing a drag show or watching Ru Paul’s Drag Race, or joke about wearing a dress. She’ll most likely give an opinion on it which will help you in deciding whether you should mention crossdressing or not.

If she is heavily against LGBT and loves you being a ‘manly man’ , go with option 3 (and consider leaving them for their updated mentality). A lot of the time if your girlfriend is like this then she probably won’t appreciate a guy that’s so in touch with their feminine side. I know it’s not nice to hear, but unfortunately not everything can be solved in a simple way.

What Your Girlfriend Will Ask

Once your girlfriend knows it’s very unlikely that she’ll shrug her shoulders and not ask any further. One thing to remember is that she will ask questions; this doesn’t mean that she has a problem with it, she just wants to understand fully what you’ve just told her.

I’ve told 5 girlfriends about my crossdressing and, despite they’re individual reactions, they have all asked the same questions afterwards. 

1. ‘Are you sure you’re not gay?’

Ladies, Gentlemen and everyone in between; allow me to introduce one of the biggest misconceptions around crossdressing.

It isn’t often that I tell someone about me crossdressing and the don’t ask me if I’m gay. Obviously I don’t take it as an insult (after all, nothing wrong with being gay) but it is something I correct them on.

However, when your girlfriend asks, it’s an entirely different matter.

Tell her how you feel about your sexuality, and be honest. I can imagine for the majority of my followers that this applies to would be either bi or straight, but if you’re not 100% sure you need to let your partner know. It also greatly helps to reassure them why you’re dating them in the first place, and that if you didn’t find them attractive, both mentally and physically, then you probably wouldn’t be dating them.

2. ‘Do you want to be a woman?’

Again, another question asked by every girlfriend who knew, although this one is more understandable.

Let me get this out there now; crossdressing does not equal transgender. They are two different things and should be treated as such.

Just like the sexuality question, give them an honest answer about your gender identity. When I told my current girlfriend about crossdressing I also told her that I felt like a combination of both genders (which I now know is genderfluid) but that I’ve never felt a need to transition.

3. ‘Is this a sexual thing?’

Here it is, the question I just laugh too.

Every girlfriend has asked me this and every girlfriend seen me give this look:

I don’t crossdress for fetish or sexual pleasure. I understand that people do and as long as they’re not harming anyone else or being overly perverse then that’s no problem, but it isn’t me.

However, the reactions from my girlfriends after I’ve answered are what surprised me. 

Two answered with exactly what I expected: “OK good, I don’t think I’d be into that.”

Two said something along the lines of “Well, I’d be willing to try it if you wanted…”

One however come straight out with “We’re trying it, go get your makeup on.” Didn’t see that coming…

Regardless of how your girlfriend responds, tell them why it is you crossdress. For some of you it might be a sexual thing, or it might be that you (like me) appreciate women’s fashion and the art of looking feminine. Whatever your reasons, just tell them exactly why. It’ll make them feel more comfortable about you crossdressing.

Ok I tried to keep this one brief and I think I sorta kinda succeeded maybe probably not. Still tried though, that counts for something.

Thanks for having a read! The magazine is still going ahead and I’m hoping to have the first issue out in September (finger’s crossed); if anyone is willing to help with anything just drop me a line and let me know.

I’ll be posting tomorrow with a photoset of the above outfit. Until then, don’t forget to ask me any questions you have and to like and reblog the post!

trans women are gorgeous women. 💕

trans women of color are amazing women. 💕

trans women who are lesbians are lesbians. 💕

trans women who love men are valid. 💕

trans women deserve love and respect. 💕

trans women deserve great things! 💕

trans women are a part of feminism. 💕

trans women aren’t fake women. 💕

trans women aren’t men “pretending.” 💕

trans women aren’t fetishized terms. 💕

trans women are not what terfs claim. 💕

trans women are beautiful women! 💕

I see a lot of these for FtM, but I haven’t yet come across one for the ladies. So I’ll put all I know. Feel free to correct anything I got wrong!

Breast growth and enlargement due to estrogen now effecting your body.

Softening and thinning of the skin, making it more feminine and women have weaker collagen bonds.

Decreased body hair and growth, seeing as most women don’t grow as much body hair as men. It won’t be perfect, and you may need laser hair removal to completely rid yourself of it, but it will decrease.

If epiphyseal closure has not occurred in your body, your hips will widen, making your body more feminine.

Decreased acne, less oily skin, scalp hair loss, and change in body odor. Women don’t tend to suffer from acne as bad as men, seeing as they often have less oily skin. Your hair will change slightly in texture and your body odor may not be as bad.

Decreased size of your penis, scrotum, testicles, and prostate. Due to the estrogen in your body, it’s going to try and treat your genetalia and reproductive system as if you’re a natural born female.

Suppressed or abolished spermatogenesis and fertility. Since the hormones aren’t produced by your natural body, it will interact poorly with your current reproductive system, possibly causing complete infertility.

Decreased semen production. See above.

Possible changes in mood, emotionality, and behavior.

Decreased sex drive

Please be aware of the risks. You will have a higher risk for certain cancers, such as prostate or testicular cancer.

only preferring men makes a man gay or bi

and trans women are women

it’s really just that simple

Biological sex

Surgery

Appearance

Clothes

Interests

Gender roles

Masculinity / Femininity

Sexual attraction

Culture

Religion

Society

Family

Mental illnesses/disorders

Things that do determine your gender:

Things that are not your business; 

a trans person’s birth name

the status of a trans person’s transition (especially medical)

whether a trans person is transitioning at all

“comparison” photos of a trans person before and after coming out

what genitals a trans person has

what body type a trans person has

details of a trans person’s sex or love life

any type of “proof” that a trans person is trans