Casanova x Fanny - A Small Taste of Blues
Warning: This isnâtâŠentirely happy. But I think itâs an important read, well it is to me anyway. This is something I think I needed to write, and hopefully it brings you some form of comfort in the end.Â
Gonna tag @legendslikestardust because Skyler and Kelsey are aware of the little thing Iâve beem dealing with, and theyâve both been so wonderful. As usual, so thank you girls, truly. I hope you like this.Â
He didnât know what was wrong, he couldnât place whatever was changing herâbut it scared him nonetheless.
For a few days now, Giacomo had noticed some subtle changes in Fanny. She smiled less, was less interested in intamacy, she had more bags under her eyes which were rimmed red from rubbing at tears, she was as quiet as when he first met her at Mansfield park. In fact, he had never seen her act this way since Mansfield park. Where she was constantly told to keep her mouth shout and opinions to herself, it enraged Giac that any human, let alone one as kind and beautiful as Fanny was ever treated as such. Since she took his hand, he vowed to make her feel as treasured and loved as he could.
So why was she reverting back to her old ways?
Presently, Giacomo awoke in their bed. It was very early in the morning, before the sun had risen. Fanny was across from him, her eyes glued to the window where white flakes of snow fell heavily from the sky. She sat with her knees up and chin resting against her palms. Everything about her was blue, from her usual golden curls to the white of her nightgown. The skylight had painted her a cerulean mixed with white. Cautiously, Giac pulled off the duvet from his body and then off the bed, and he slowly made his way towards his beloved. Upon further inspection, he saw that even her lips were blue and she was shivering. A surge of rage coursed through him out of nowhere, and he had to close his eyes to calm his racing heart. Seeing her in pain was bad enough, but the idea of her not taking care of herself was almost too much to endure.
âFanny.â He whispered, stepping closer to her and slowly but tightly wrapping the blanket around her and running his hands along her shoulders. âPlease. Iâm at my wits end. Please talk to me.â
Fanny said nothing, just blinked away a few tears and let out a slow deep breath.
Pressing his hand against her cheek, he turned to face her fully and rested his forehead against hers. âFanny, please.â He hissed through clenched teeth. âBy the mercy of God, come back to me. IâŠI need you, Fanny.â
Her breath hitched and he pulled back to look in her eyes and wiped away traitrous tears. âHave youâŠever felt, useless?â
He blinked. Her normal, cheerful and angelic voice was now hoarse and a bit scratchy and it made something inside him break. He cleared his throat, âUseless?â
She nodded, âAs ifâŠAs if nothing you do quite matters? As if, the world stops turning for a moment.â She closed her eyes and smiled, âI remember you taught me that. Do you remember that day, Giacomo? When we spent it in front of this window reading and discussing the stars and great beyond?â
He curled his lips. He did remember that day. He told her all about astronomy and what her sign meant. She was a Virgo, and he found that quite endearing. She was so happy that day, asking him questions and smiling as brightly as the stars above. What he wouldnât give to see that smile again.
âI remember.â He choked out.
She turned her head to look out the window. âItâs not you.â She whispered.
She sniffed, âI know that lately Iâve been acting strange. And Iâm sure that youâre afraid itâs something you have done.â She turned back to him and gently placed her hands over his trembling ones. âItâs not you, Giacomo. You are an utter saint, and the man I love.â She bit her lip. âIâm just so sorry that IâŠ.Iâm just sorry.â
He leaned closer to her, their noses almost touching. âDonât be.â He whispered. âIâm not sure what to say, Fanny. All I want to do is make you feel happy and safe and loved. I fear that maybe Iâve failed you somehow.â
âYou havenât. You never have.â She shook her head. âGiacomo, thisâŠfeeling thatâs come over me; I donât think itâs a direct result of anything. I think this is justâŠsomething I must go through.â She whimpered out a breath and tears came back. âAnd I think it will be a bit difficult. S-so I understand if you may wish to leave me and find another who is capable ofââ
She was cut off by him flinging his arms tight around her and pressing her tight against him. She gasped once but quickly dissolved into soft sobs into his shoulder.
âDonât you for a second ever think that I could leave you. Now more than ever.â Giac swallowed a lump in his throat. âNever. Fanny, I love you. More than anything in this world, and seeing you in pain devastates me.â He sighed pressed a kiss to her hair when she stiffened. âBut I will never leave you. Never.â He pulled back to stroke her face. âWhatever this is, no matter how hard, I will be here. With you. Holding your hand and doing whatever you ask. Iâll be here until you tell me not to, and even then I canât guarantee Iâd leave then.â
She grinned and he beamed back.
She sniffed and wiped her nose with the back of her hand. âI will feel better. I promise you.â
He chuckled, and after resting his forehead against hers, he slowly leaned in and captured her lips with his. Tugging her closer when she eagerly responded. He of course missed snogging her senseless, but it was more of the fact that she was able to kiss him at all. He could be with her even without sex, of course he could, but he would hate the idea of Fanny being so opposed to physical touch. He was glad that she still had this part of her and he smiled into her open mouth.
However, not wanting to overwhelm her he placed his hands on her shoulders and pushed her back. Relishing in her blushed cheeks and bruised panting lips.Â
âFanny, I too have gone through times where I felt like the world was grey. Your feelings are not unusual. I was lucky enough to break free of it.â She nodded at his words and leaned into his touch when he rested his hand on her cheek. âBut I swear to you, no matter how long it takesâŠThings will be okay. They truly will, my darling.â
She smirked and nodded in agreement.
At times there are moments where the weight of the world rests heavily on oneâs shoulders. But ultimately, no dark time lasts forever. And with or without a hand to hold, everything will be okay.
Itâs a good thing Giacâs hold on Fannyâs hand is firm and tight.