Show & Tell
Cosimo Galluzzi
YOU ARE THE REASON
Keni
shark vs the universe
Fai_Ryy
oozey mess
tumblr dot com
Jimmy Eat World
PUT YOUR BEARD IN MY MOUTH
art blog(derogatory)
Interview Vampire Daily
🪼
$LAYYYTER
almost home
tannertan36
Monterey Bay Aquarium
@theartofmadeline
bliss lane
titsay
seen from Germany
seen from Brazil
seen from Hungary
seen from Paraguay
seen from Australia
seen from United States
seen from Brazil
seen from United Kingdom
seen from Germany
seen from Hungary
seen from United States
seen from Congo - Kinshasa
seen from Ireland
seen from United States
seen from Chile
seen from South Africa
seen from Argentina
seen from Pakistan
seen from United States
seen from Netherlands
@legendary-quotes
One time in biology we were talking about how we got scars and this girl that sat near me pulled up her leg revealing this huge scar and casually explained that she got it from that time her twin sister pushed her off the roof
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“You know I have an iron deficiency because every time I stand up I take an acid trip to the fifth dimension.”
“I’ll tell the IRS that I didn’t do my taxes because my therapist said it wasn’t a positive direction for me”
— My band director
Do you ever wake up and are like “I’m feeling good today” and then your entire morning is all fine and you think everything will be alright, and then you get to first hour and your mind is like “psych! Looks like today you get to be a disaster”?
Me, after having a mental breakdown in Spanish class
“You’re old enough to make your own decisions. We just might not approve of them because they’re stupid.”
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“The fifth derivative of velocity is yeet”
—my brother’s girlfriend
“Do you remember that one year when [my brother] gave me a pet rock for my birthday? Except it wasn’t decorated or anything, it was just...a rock”
My mom and I were taking a walk and passed these four kids
The first two were on bikes, next there was a slightly younger boy on a scooter, and finally there was this tiny child full on sprinting behind them and if that’s not perfect representation of childhood hierarchies I don’t know what is
Friend 1: who’s the most salty in our carpool?
Me: who’s the most salty or who’s the most *justifiably* salty?
Friend 1: does it make a difference?
Me: yes.
Friend 1: fine, then who’s the most salty-
Me: you.
Friend 1: who’s the most justifiably salt-
Me: me.
Friend 1: What? Why?
Friend 2: no, she’s right.
Quotes from assembling a stand up desk with my mother
• My mom: This is a good idea, right?
Me: I will support 20% of your actions. Do you want this to be one of them?
• Me (mumbling): I know what it is, you didn’t have to be condescending about it
My mom: I wasn’t being condescending
Me: oh sorry didn’t realize there was a difference between being condescending and being a smart ass
My mom: for the record I wasn’t being a smart ass either
Me: oh so you were just being an ass?
My mom: at least we know where you get it from
• My mom: oh so we were supposed to run the cable through here
Me: ah yes that would have made a lot more sense
My mom: I think it’s fine, right?
Me: I mean it seems fine to me… but you’ll always know
My mom (a perfectionist with OCD): ...
Me (whispers): you’ll know
My mom: you’re so mean to me
• My mom: ah I get it! So you do this
Me: well, yes, that would seem to be the only logical possibility
• Me : I did it! I gobbly gooked! I am the best dang gobbly gooker to ever gobbly gook!
• My mom: wait why are there ten? We only need eight!
Me: well maybe you’re just—
My mom: bad at counting?
Me: I was going to say prone to losing things so they provide extras in case, but sure if you want to burn yourself that’s cool too
• Me : we did it! The IKEA gods are smiling down at us
My mom: this is from amazon
Me: hey, the IKEA gods don’t discriminate
• My mom: okay now we flip it! Just be careful not to crush the super important control panel that’s on your side
Me: *looks down at control panel*
Me: *looks up*
Me: *sheepishly moves to switch sides*
My mom: *realizes what’s happening*
My mom: ah shit
• My mom: see, as an engineer you learn that in general you just need to stick the pokey things in the spots that look like they fit the pokey things
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“I will support 20% of your actions. Do you want this to be one of them?”
—Me
Friend 1: *talks*
Friend 2: you’re just setting yourself up for us to make fun of you
Friend: so my grandma—
Me: is this the grandma that had five different marriages to three different people or the one who’s in a cult?
Friend: no, those are my aunts. This is the one who married her gynecologist.
“If I die, it’s not my fault.”
—Me, in a room by myself doing something stupid completely by my own choice
Friend 1: why are you always interested in guys that might murder you?
Friend 2: I dunno, keeps things interesting
Anya is live and ready to show you everything. Watch her strip, dance, and perform exclusive shows just for you. Interact in real-time and make your fantasies come true.
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me: he tried to stab me!
my brother: no. If I was trying to stab you, then you would be stabbed.
Shit I’ve heard high schoolers say 2/?
• “independent living sounds like a useful class. I don't know how to live independently. I don't even know how to live dependently.”
• “if it paid well, I would catch cats in bags”
“I don’t think they got paid”
“Okay fine, fun. I would do it for fun.”
• “your legacy will be calling someone a bitch in Mario kart”
• “I'm definitely the most sane”
“What are you talking about?? Ten minutes ago you stuck MY KEYS in your BRA”
• “... and I did really feel like life had no point”
“Ha. Got ‘em.”
• “you’re thriving”
“Zia, stop exposing me”
“We can literally all see you.”
• “I swear I’m psychic.”
“It’s pronounced psycho.”
• “ugh don't make me do the thing I volunteered to do in my free time out of my own volition”
