Writing Room

This roller-coaster gets you nauseous, Yet you haven't even got on, Ups and downs, assumptions inbound, First time you've been on this one. We've been on these rides, couple times, Yet the flips and spins still scare you, You strap up, take off, cover your eyes, Missing the adventure in front of you. You "know" you'll be scared if you watch, Because you've been on roller coasters before, Yet they're not all the same, this one can't be blamed, Can't be afraid to take a ride once more. If you looked for a moment you'd see... These flips are different, these turns are new, Yet every jolt of the cart, triggers jolt in your heart, Afraid you'll change your colors to black and blue. If I tell you it's safe, you tell me it's not, Only willing to hear the words in your head, If you blind your eyes and deafen your ears, We won't need a crash to end up dead.

It shouldn't be too surprising, Wrong time, wrong place, some time ago, Could it work now, somehow, To be honest, I don't know. Feels like a roundabout really, Déjà vu, I've seen this before, With another face, though it felt the same, When fabric of feelings once tore.

Past the deep fog in my eye, A land of imagination lies, Sky blue planes and lime green sky, With running birds and bears that fly, My eyes keep on you as they lie, The image of you gets lost in my mind, As I put focus to these thoughts of mine, Creative, astounding and sublime, But in your frustration you decide I am not to give these thoughts much time, But the food for thought you try to provide, Lacks the taste of my exquisite design.

Don't feed me your words raw, Lest I choke on tasteless promises, Coat them in the flavours I like, With spices of endearing lies, Lay them over the counter, Spread them out flat, Press down hard so they sink in, Mix them with sweet words So I won't be bitter, Don't let one inch go uncovered, So I may enjoy the feast of fuckery You've prepared for me, Served on a broken plate with no forks to give.

Words hurt, I know, Not only when they hit you, But even when they scrape their way Through your teeth too, Feels like your gums bleed emotion, Your heart feels it as well, A shiver it sends with a loud pulse, Then the awkwardness swells, You convinced yourself of this, To put it all out on the floor, Now strong feelings weigh your eyes, Can't look at their face anymore... Silence...leaves their mouth just as swift, You look back up just as far Enough to see the look in their eyes, Just as frightened as you are, You readied your confession, but not your patience, Your shields are down, wide open, You look to their mouth, a slight twitch, What happens after the silence is broken?

Seduce her with this art, Prepare the complementary bullets To draw tears from her eyes as you start To tell her how she's special and beautiful, Wonderful, thoughtful, grateful and just full Of all the things you love, what a mouthful Of things you made up on the spot but it's fine, She's blushing now, smiling with bright eyes As you distract her from your undertone, You exchange words, she replaces her Intuition with false appreciation, She won't stop thinking of you now, You've seduced her.

Tell me your lies again, Whisper them softly so they may Cover the pain in my side, you caused, So much pain I can't fathom the way It hurts so much, yet these tears of joy, Smile on my face carries away The doubt, I rub the wound, You pierce the flesh and I pray, Forgiveness falls on you because no one deserves, The way you tainted me.

Your trophy, your medal, Manifested symbols of competition, Pride and glory, never satisfied, Only repressed to remission.

Characteristic fluids flow through bodily caverns, Of children desiring a forbidden pleasure, A bombardment of bodies and culminating feelings, Surging emotions and abuse of the flesh, Common cause of undeserved accomplishment.

Salted memories flood from my pores, Creating a shine of armour on my skin, Backed by an army of endorphins and adrenaline, Fighting the pain, for a little peace of mind.

Plans for the future became clear as day, Born from focus formed under philosophies, Now I may return to life, from the abyss of absence, To stamp out my mark in this reality.

So my heart grows, split among veins, My brain, my thoughts, my feelings separate, The emotion thoughts once caused has gone, Slowly detached from the past, new bonds to create.

A dreadful thought of apathy Mellows my mind in these times, Noticing pains but lacking sympathy, Predictability as much these rhymes, Consequences of falsehood and dishonesty, Tainting the honour of their tongues, A world so strangely counter-productive, Wishing for rights in acts of wrong, Beneath rubble of shattered skin, Cries of vanity echo along Walls painted with their memories, If the arsonists of burning buildings Could be saved, Would they be so deserving?

I wish we all got what we wanted, All the things we worked for, All the strains and sprains, Pains caused by the redundant effort, In hopes the end transcends the means, Sadly it never went so easily, Plans change, people change, Some never get the chance, So we, of luck, must do our best, To better the world they left for us, Carrying their dreams, their love, their legacy.

I remember this, somewhat, Maybe it's the different songs, Different people, different words, But I remember from not so long, A place like this I used to go, On every seventh morning glow, Etched with symbols of cross and crown, And white man in long white gown. I'm wondering why I'm back here, Wasn't requested, merely brought, Relocated by a father with something in mind, Perhaps strong repentance in his thoughts, But be it the memory's flash through his lens, Or the dollars he donates when collectors approach, The air feels familiar, I remember it, From when I didn't question things so much.

The year ends soon, It's time to wrap up the change begun, Some time ago, when a boy was sad, Revived by the blazing sun, The final thing, yet to be done, A message of forgiveness, acceptance, An admission of love, The words you had hoped to hear, growing up You were protected by your ignorance, Till the world around you showed itself, Judging, criticising, calling you names, Sowing the seeds of self-hate, Constricted by the effects of your mistakes, Slowly, yet surely, more unaware of your beauty, Demoting self-appreciation, in the name of modesty, But now, I can say, your beauty is clear, We are more familiar now, closer than ever, That fear, rage and anger can go, Wash them away with love, and know You are an amazing person, we never knew, Appreciation can show up late sometimes, But you deserve the world, you always did, Keep holding your head high as you learned, Always remember the value of your worth, I may not have seen it until now but, We still have a long life left don't we, Stay strong, love.

Feel the chill of the December wind, That rushes between your legs, That makes you shiver in the cold, Wanting someone to share your warmth, In the sheets of a bed too large for one, Your urges steer the direction of your heart, Making you cringe at the thought of being alone, For another merry holiday season, Whether your Christmas be white or yellow, One thing maintains around the world, The winter winds come to whisk you away, To a saharan love or an arctic shudder.