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a plot were muse a and muse b are pretty close friends, and they decide to go on holiday together for a couple of weeks. they go to las vegas, and as you would expect they spend most of their time being highly intoxicated. one morning, after a night of heavy drinking, they wake up with no recollection of what happened the previous night. all they have to go on are photos on their phone with a man dressed as elvis, and flowers and balloons with “congratulations” dotted around their hotel room. their memories soon come back to them, however, and they recall that they spent all of their money getting married in their hotel’s wedding chapel. muse a is absolutely horrified, and has no idea how they’ll be able to explain what happened to anyone, especially their parents. while muse a runs around like a headless chicken trying to figure how to fix this, muse b spends their time laughing about their situation (even though they’re actually as terrified as muse a), calling muse a ‘my darling’, ‘sweetie-pie’ and every other cheesy, vomit-inducing nickname they can think of, and keeps jokingly asking muse a if they’re going to consummate the marriage at any point. also; bonus points if one/both of the muses are in relationships with other people!!

Iago goes up to the counter and orders a green tea with a shot of hazelnut syrup. “It’s for you,” he tells the barista. “You’ll love it.” The barista says that the drink not only sounds disgusting, but that he’s allergic to hazelnuts. “Just trust me,” says Iago. “I wouldn’t buy you a drink if I didn’t love you and respect you.” The barista is incredibly honored. Of course Iago is trustworthy. He takes a sip of the drink and immediately goes into anaphylactic shock. Iago leaves quietly, dropping a handkerchief on the floor.

❛    well,    fuck me gently with a chainsaw.    ❜ ❛    do i look like mother theresa    ?    ❜ ❛    my teen - angst bullshit now has a body count.    ❜ ❛    chaos is what killed the dinosaurs,    darling.    ❜ ❛    you look like hell.    ❜ ❛    yeah,    i just got back.    ❜ ❛    are we going to prom or hell    ?    ❜ ❛    god    !    i sound like a fucking psycho.    ❜ ❛    i felt bad everytime i did it,    but i kept doing it anyway.    ❜ ❛    now i know you understood everything.    ❜ ❛    now that’s deep.    ❜ ❛    there are no stupid questions.    ❜ ❛    that’s the stupidest question i’ve ever heard.    ❜ ❛    the extreme always seems to make an impression.    ❜ ❛    what’s your damage    ?    ❜ ❛    how very.    ❜ ❛    i just killed my best friend.    ❜ ❛    i can’t believe you did it.    ❜ ❛    i was teasing.    ❜ ❛    i loved you.    ❜ ❛    there’s a new sheriff in town.    ❜ ❛    you don’t deserve my fucking speech.    ❜ ❛    so what’s the deal    ?    ❜ ❛    what a waste    !    ❜ ❛    oh,    the humanity    !    ❜ ❛    our love is god.    ❜ ❛    let’s go get a slushie.    ❜ ❛    is your life perfect.    ❜ ❛    i don’t really like my friends.    ❜ ❛    maybe it’s time to take a vacation.    ❜ ❛    now that you’re dead,    what are you gonna do with your life    ?    ❜ ❛    why do you have to be such a mega - bitch    ?    ❜ ❛    because i can be.    ❜ ❛    did you have a brain tumour for breakfast    ?    ❜ ❛    i say we just grow up,    be adults and die.    ❜ ❛    if everyone jumped off a bridge,    would you    ?    ❜ ❛    why are you pulling my dick    ?    ❜ ❛    that knife is filthy.    ❜ ❛    some people need different kinds of convincing than others.    ❜ ❛    you’re beautiful.    ❜ ❛    did that sound bitchy    ?    ❜ ❛    this isn’t just a spoke in my menstrual cycle.    ❜ ❛    you were nothing before you met me.    ❜ ❛    she’s my best friend.    god,    i hate her.    ❜ ❛    i shop,    therefore i am.    ❜ ❛    a true friend’s work is never done.    ❜ ❛    god had cursed me i think.    ❜ ❛    we’ll crucify her.    ❜ ❛    what’s the up - chuck factor on that    ?    ❜ ❛    ugh,    such a pillowcase.    ❜ ❛    nice guys finish last,    i should know.    ❜ ❛    get a job.    ❜

Iago, probably (via incorrectshakespeare)