さよならひとり

changes can be good and scary, but just know that not everything is bad. i’ve had several ups and downs the past two years, ones i don’t openly discuss because of personal reasons, some i do but only to those who know me well, and i look back thinking– damn, i’m still here. i take a breath, hug my cat and even if i’m feeling shitty or depressed or anxious, i think about how thankful i am to have another day to talk to my mom on the phone or see my cat sunbathe, or yanno, get to perform with the guys on stage and live my dream. 

i know your parents fight-- mine did as well-- and that sometimes your dad pisses you off. you should be happy that they’re around. i lost my father in june, and as harsh as he could be, i’d do anything to get a hug from him again, or to hear him talk or laugh before the cancer got to him. i probably sound stupid or rude for saying “YOU SHOULD APPRECIATE WHAT YOU HAVE” when i don’t know your story, if you’re dad is shitty or whatnot. there’s times my father and i bumped heads because we’re both tremendously stubborn, but like i said, i’d give anything to hear him laugh again, even if it was for a limited time. the silly things won’t mean anything when you grow up, believe me. [i] have dealt with a lot of things, and still dealing with some pretty heavy things. some stuff gets easier, some stuff doesn’t. there are things in life i’d miss if i did anything, like summer time, my dogs, my cat, my mom, my friends, the guys, upcoming movies and ice cream, laughing, the smell of freshly cut grass, going to the beach, camping--- so much more. just think of that simple stuff. :)

[sms: Choi] do you ever think about something as you’re laying awake[sms: Choi] about like bad things[sms: Choi] like yanno death and how you’d deal with certain people dying[sms: Choi] i kinda hate it and wish i could turn my brain off at night

you’re a typical itty bitty babbi.

[sms: bumkey]  so i’m watching game grumps and talking to papillion[sms: bumkey] i had a great valentines with him >/////<[sms: bumkey]  not sure why i’m texting you this at like, 3 am---

[ x ] [ x ] --- oh gosh, this is so amazing and adorable. honestly, i wasn’t expecting it. thank you so much. and i hope to stay in your life for a long, long time because you’re amazing person, truly. you’re so generous, kind, gentle... and every day is something different.