Storch: The Opportunity Cost of Always Putting Yourself Last
Most of us understand opportunity cost when it comes to money. If we spend our paycheck on one thing, we cannot spend it on something else. If we choose one path, we may have to give up another. Life works that way, too. Every "Yes" comes with a "No" attached to it. Every hour spent serving someone else is an hour that cannot be spent somewhere else. Every responsibility we accept requires time, energy, attention, and often a little piece of ourselves. Many people, especially women, become experts at filling every role in the room. We are mothers, daughters, wives, sisters, friends, employees, volunteers, caregivers, organizers, cooks, chauffeurs, listeners, planners, and problem-solvers. We remember birthdays, appointments, school functions, family gatherings, doctor’s appointments, groceries, bills, and all the little details that keep life moving forward. Someone needs help, and we help. Someone needs a ride, and we rearrange our day. Someone needs encouragement, and we pick up the phone. Someone needs a meal, a favor, a place to stay, or simply someone to listen, and we find a way. There is nothing wrong with being dependable. There is something admirable about people who care deeply for others. Communities, families, churches, schools, and workplaces are stronger because of people who are willing to show up. The problem comes when we become so busy being everything to everyone else that we stop being anything for ourselves. That is where opportunity cost enters the picture. The opportunity cost of constantly putting yourself last may be your health. It may be the walk you did not take, the doctor appointment you postponed, the sleep you sacrificed, or the meals you skipped or grabbed in a hurry because everyone else’s needs came first. It may be your peace. When every moment belongs to someone else, there is little room left to think, rest, pray, read, sit quietly, or simply be still. A person can be surrounded by people and still feel completely alone when there is never a moment to ask, “How am I doing? It may be your joy. Many of us have hobbies, interests, and dreams that slowly get pushed to the side. Perhaps you once loved to garden, paint, write, travel, bake, sing, decorate, exercise, or sit on the porch with a good book. Maybe you enjoyed meeting friends for lunch without checking the clock every five minutes. Those things may seem small compared with the demands of family and life. Still, they are not small. They are part of what makes us feel like ourselves. When we give up every part of ourselves for everyone else, resentment often begins to grow. It does not always show up loudly. Sometimes it looks like irritability. Sometimes it looks like exhaustion. Sometimes it looks like avoiding phone calls, dreading another request, or feeling guilty for wanting one uninterrupted hour alone. We may tell ourselves that self-care is selfish. We may believe that a good mother, wife, daughter, friend, or employee should always be available. We may think that saying no means we do not care. That is simply not true. Caring for yourself is not a rejection of the people you love. It is a way to make sure you have something left to give them. No one can pour from an empty cup forever. Eventually, the cup runs dry. When that happens, even the things we once did gladly can begin to feel like burdens. Self-care does not have to mean expensive trips, fancy spas, or dramatic changes. It may mean taking a walk after dinner instead of doing one more load of laundry. It may mean saying no to a committee that does not need you nearly as much as you think it does. It may mean asking someone else to bring the dessert, make the phone call, pick up the prescription, or handle the details for once. It may mean protecting one hour on a Saturday morning for coffee, quiet, and no agenda. The people who love us may need to adjust when we begin setting boundaries. They may be used to us always saying yes. They may not understand at first. Still, healthy relationships can survive a reasonable no. In fact, they are often stronger because of it. We teach our children and grandchildren important lessons by showing them that rest matters. We teach them that women do not have to disappear into serving others to be loving. We teach them that responsibility and self-respect can exist together. We also teach them that a full life is not measured only by how much we do for others. It is measured by whether we have lived with purpose, gratitude, health, and enough joy to recognize the blessings around us. There will always be another task, another request, another person who needs something. The laundry will return. The calendar will fill back up. The phone will ding. The question is whether we will continue to give every available piece of ourselves away before saving any of it for the person in the mirror. The opportunity cost of doing too much for everyone else is often losing touch with yourself. You are allowed to rest. You are allowed to have interests outside the roles you fill. You are allowed to say no without explaining every detail. You are allowed to make room for your own health, peace, and happiness. That is not selfishness. That is how we make sure the life we are giving so much to is still a life we are truly living. Read the full article
