#us40

“What’s up with him?” Abigail asked.

“I knew happy Shane wouldn’t last,” Leah muttered.

Najia didn’t say anything. She could feel Leah’s eyes on her.

“What did you say to piss him off?” she asked.

“I didn’t say anything,” Najia hissed.

“Okay,” Leah said slowly. “What happened?”

“Nothing.”

Leah hesitated. “Do you want to talk about it?”

Najia met her gaze for a moment, biting her lower lip, then turned her gaze back to the fire and sighed. “No.”

Leah turned back to the fire. “Well,” she started. “At least someone’s getting laid right now.”

“He saw us,” Najia said quickly. She could feel Leah’s eyes on her but she did not turn.

“So,” Leah started. “He’s upset about that?”

Najia shrugged. “I guess.”

“And,” Leah continued, “you’re upset about that?”

“No,” she said quickly.

“Then why do you care?”

Najia pinched her lips together. “I don’t,” she said after a moment.

“It seems like you do.” When Najia didn’t say anything, Leah continued. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to put you into this kind of situation.”

“There’s no situation,” Najia said quickly, meeting her gaze.

Leah’s lips twisted to the side. “Maybe we should talk.

Najia nodded slowly and followed Leah into the dark community center.

“I like you,” Leah said as soon as the door closed behind them. “But if you like Shane…”

“I don’t like Shane,” Najia insisted. “I don’t like anyone.”

“Oh.” Leah was quiet for a moment. “Okay. I’m sorry that I kissed you then.”

“I don’t mean that,” Najia said. “I mean… I do like you…”

“But you like Shane, too?”

Najia shook her head. “Look,” she started. “I… This isn’t the kind of world where I’m willing to get attached to anyone. I don’t want to like anyone.”

“Najia,” Leah began. “You can’t help who you have feelings for.”

“Maybe not,” Najia said. “But I can shove them way down and hide them and lock them up and kill them. That’s how it needs to be.”

“You can’t do that,” Leah said.

“I can,” Najia said sternly, almost interrupting her. “And I will.”

Leah hesitated. “If that’s how you want it to be, then.” She took Najia’s hand in hers. “I won’t talk about it anymore.”

“Thank you,” Najia muttered. She met Leah’s gaze. “We can talk again when the war’s over.”

*****

Leah and Najia worked side by side the next morning in the fields, finishing their work from the previous day harvesting the corn. Najia continued to look towards the dirt road, anxious.

“He’ll come back,” Leah assured her. “I’m sure everything went fine.”

“Yeah,” Najia said turning back to the wheel barrow full of corn. In the distance, they could still hear the rattling chain saws on wood. Najia tried to focus on something other than her grandfather. The sound of the axes and chainsaws only made her thoughts turn to Shane. She quickly dismissed those as well and sighed.

“What’s wrong?” Leah asked.

“These menial chores are killing me,” Najia muttered. “I need something more demanding than this or I’m going to go crazy.”

Leah smiled. “Funny thing, isn’t it? How boring safety and security is? And yet, how quickly we latch on to a familiar routine. We’re in a constant state of being torn between the life we knew, and a life of running and hiding and fighting, for our lives.”

“Getting philosophical, are we?”

“If you think about it,” Leah continued, “on some level, we’re all suffering from some form or another of PTSD. Some of us act like assholes, pushing people away to prevent us from getting hurt again. Some of us flirt obnoxiously in order to cover up some deeper trauma. Some of us sleep around as a distraction. And some of us form societies and a sense of order.”

“I think that’s a stretch,” Najia mumbled.

“Denial.” She met Najia’s gaze and smiled as she continued to work. “Just look at yourself, pushing me away.”

“I thought we weren’t going to talk about it?”

“You know what’s really ironic?” Leah continued, turning back to the corn and ignoring Najia. “This role swap you and Shane have made.”

“Excuse me?”

“He would have been perfectly happy if you had just left him alone, but you clung to him, and me, and Abigail, and every survivor we met on the way. Now that we’re here and, for the time being, safe, Shane is clinging to Jas and Marnie and you’re happy to just be alone.”

“What are you trying to say?” Najia hissed.

“Nothing at all,” Leah said, shaking her head. She met Najia’s gaze once more. “I just thought it was interesting.”

“Stop psychoanalyzing me.”

“Can’t help it,” Leah said. “Harvesting corn is such menial work, my mind tends to wander.” She stretched her back. “Normally I would paint or sculpt. What would you be doing?”

“Get off of me!”

“Stop fighting me,” he snarled at her.

The straps around her wrists and neck tightened. She gasped for air as the leather bore into her skin.

“Where is it?”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” she sobbed.

The straps tightened again.

“Please,” she cried. “I know nothing about Stardew Valley.”