audscyclopedia... my name is audrey but please, call me auds or whatever u manage to come up w (iâve been called big A, audsie, auds bear⌠etc) i am a british girl without a british accent living in london and at the time of writing, i am traveling.
i am 22! and a triple scorpio, though i donât dabble enough in astrology to bring any sort of value to this. besides formula one, i love film, music, and literature â which you will find evidence of in every inch of this blog! iâm also a chronic shopaholic and the word frugal is seldom in my vocabulary.
donât b scared to dm me or ask me anything â weâre all friends here so be kind always! i love listening to stories or thoughts; it keeps the writing alive and happy and full of love.
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darling audrey, congratulations on 5000 followers! ur witty personality and words of gold have charmed us all <3 considering your celebration, i would like to request a drabble with charles based on the song margaret by lana del rey. thereâs just something about âhe met margaret on the rooftop, she was wearing white, and he was like, âi might be in troubleââ or âwhen you know, you knowâ ughhhhh love is so sickeningly wonderful
good as gold â cl16
This is the story of Charles experiencing a rooftop conversation with a stranger. For Charles, this is the story he will tell of how he met the love of his life for the first time.
auds here... much like lana in this song i am messy with the pen, but missed this blog very much, i love you all & genuinely hope you're well mmmwaaahhhh :)
Youâre wearing this dress. This long, white, lace-linen thing, too chilly for a London rooftop, too chilly for a London ground floor, too chilly for London, really. Itâs the first thing Charles says to you, as a poor excuse for an opener, but you soothe his supposed troubles away with a laugh and a wave of a hand. Itâs alright, Iâm used to the cold, your lips form cloudily. Worst case scenario, I spill some wine on the dress.
The wine you mention is in a glass wrapped by your left hand, which brings itself upward to your lips, staining them violet for a second before you lick the residue off. You should know, Iâm more a white wine kind of girl. He laughs, and every other word he thought would come easy comes so stuck, wrestled out of him. For once itâs not because heâs nervous, definitely not because heâs unsure. In fact heâs never felt surer of himself, and his self-assurance is almost foolish if it wasnât so resolute in the fact that heâd one day like to slip a band over your blank slate of a ring finger.
Already he feels like itâs too late, heâs missed out on too much time with you. He shouldâve known this laugh years ago, felt your skin when he was much younger, known you in an embarrassing phase while he was in his own. His desires feel childish, juvenile, but they feel so real, so much so that he verbalizes them to Lando in a desperate attempt to stave them off at the end of the night.
But that is later and this is now, now you tell him youâre here for work. Youâre a something-something at somewhere, too professional for him to repeat back to himself in the fluid way youâre gifted. He asks what else is keeping you in a city like London and he phrases it like London is a shit city, and you joke: âAside from the fact that itâs basically a first-world city?â He stutters in response, he stutters. âIâm joking. Itâs work.â
Work, you say, not a guy, not a girl, work. No ring on your finger. You, like him, are committed to nothing but work. And because youâre two people in your early twenties, the rooftop conversation gradually ebbs in that direction, a foray into the worlds youâve traversed by yourselves. He shares, ever a man of little words, stories of ex-girlfriends heâd rather not bring up again. He says the usual. Heâs thankful, but itâs over.
You too, you sentiment. A while ago. I knew him for years, but we wanted different things. Just wasnât right, something like that. Your index finger tugs at the plain gold chain resting on your collarbones and slides back and forth. The lightsâstrung up on poles on the roof and from establishments belowâshine on certain angles, illuminate your hair, the beauty mark on your cheekbone, the stain of burgundy lip gloss on the wine glass in your hand. âMaybe in another universe.â
âDo you believe in that?â He asks. All he knows about possible universes is that Marvel and that Oscar-winning A24 film Lewis made half the grid watch and give roses to. The concept is interesting and likely true, but he feels secure thinking this is his only universe. Which, technically, is true, too.
You say kind of. âBut that idea gives us too much allowance for mistakes.â
âI know. I guess I believe in it in aâŚâ Heâs afraid he sounds stupid, but your eyes are egging him on, genuinely curious, burning bright with a want for him to keep talking. âIn a⌠I feel like Iâve met you before, kind of way.â Like he knows everything he has to know about you and him and itâs been barely an hour.
âI get that.â You pause. âI get that.â Then, with a pretty smile and meek hand over the linen chest of your dress, you excuse yourself to refill wine and make talk with the party host. He lingers, of course, watches the sway of your dress, waits to see if you will turn and smile a funny little just us smile, but of course you donât. Youâre a stranger after all. He turns away to find Lando, and for a second he feels like there are eyes on him, but he keeps walking and shakes it off.
âMarry?â Lando repeats half an hour later, when theyâre both tugging their coats on. âYou just met her. She got out of a long-term relationship a while ago. And so did you.â
Theyâre in the foyer of the townhouse, and Lando is pulling open the door now, under the impression that his words successfully permeated Charlesâ delusions. He turns and Charles is stationary on the last step, humming to himself.
âMate,â bogs Lando, eyes dead serious. âHow do you even knowââ
âI know.â Charles says simply. He never even had to ask himself. He just did. He just does. âI have to run up and do something⌠donât wait up.â
omg I cant believe you could ever think someone doesnât like âlike you shouldâ. Let me shower on the admiration and validation. Itâs saved in the âbest stories on tumblrâ playlist I have. I am obsessed. I was wondering if you were gonna do more parts. I will also resort to begging lol
atm i donât plan on making more parts at all!!! iâm settled into the fact that there was some mystery to it but also the implication was pretty blatant⌠like i donât know where else i can take the story if i decide to reopen it. i did love writing it though thank u for the love
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if you feel so inclined⌠charles and prompt 14 or 17 from the nsfw list please? :)
on the way â cl16
(tipsy sex & marking) Charles can usually control himself better than this.
auds here... i cheated! it's not tipsy sex per se... but there r MANY smut references so i hope u enjoy it nonetheless!!!!
nsfw warnings under the cut!
18+ because... male masturbation, mentions of penetrative/handjob sex (f receiving), oral sex (m receiving), charles & reader are in an undefined (implied fwb/fuck buddy) relationship
You said youâd try to hide them.
Granted, he thinks to himself, there was a clear attemptâsemi-opaque patches of your most expensive concealer, dabbed with precision over the darkened blotches of love on your throat and the slightly lighter one on the protrusion of your left collarbone. But itâs not enough, the purples still filtering through like moonlight through thick blinds. Like last night, in his hotel room, when youâd whimpered his name through a strained voice, begged for more.
And youâre giggling, muffling an angelic laugh into the heel of your palm, into the same little hand thatâd been wrapped around his cock less than twenty-four hours ago. Beside you, Lissie is digging her elbow into your waist to tease, but your eyes meet his and you seem to possess no ounce of regret.Â
No regret over having to leave the room at the crack of dawn, exchanging sloppy kisses in lieu of a formal goodbye. No regret over waking up to a self-set alarm instead of sleeping in, feeling Charlesâ fingers already at your thighs. Just give me one, angel, he groaned out, feeling your cunt gush around him. No regret there at all.
So? He can hear Lissieâs impatience from metres away. He watches you another minute, watches you sweep your waved hair over your shoulder to try and hide them in the shadow, then turns to respond to something Pierre is saying. He canât suppress his own smirk when he listens to her follow-up question. Who left those marks?
He retires to an empty hotel room, thinks of shooting you a text but thinks better after a split second. Thinks worse after a split of Scotch, thumb hovering over the send button on your text thread, which is always composed of the same shit: room numbers, times, greenlights. He thought itâd be easier to have this whole arrangement, considering it was his ideaâbut God, when he sees you, itâs like something in him just changes.
And tonight, when youâd worn that black dress, thin straps showing the remnants of your tan from over the summer. He wonders how insane he mustâve been to think he wouldnât need you all the time. Wonders how much more of this he can take before he goes insane again. He wasnât always this needy, was he? Itâs you, he thinks, thatâs the only explanation.
Your scent, sweet and natural, your eyes, the way they blink up at him when youâre on your knees, your lips, your body, everything. He sneaks a glance at his crotch, his hard-on thick under his jeans from the conjured memory of you alone. He feels himself get harder, thoughts running more rampantâlast night, when youâd been so wet for him, so needy.Â
His mind pleasantly hazed out, he tugs his cock out and wraps his hand around the head, giving himself a few slow strokes. His handâs so rough, so bigâa contrast from yours, so much smaller your fingertips fail to meet around the girth of him. He tries to imagine that, then your lips, the perfect full curve of them wrapped around him, staying still so he can fuck into them. Youâre addictive, he thinks, murmuring your name as he speeds up his pace.
If itâs genuinely something, or if itâs just plain lustâCharles could care less at this moment.
At this moment, actually, heâs positive this is just thick, intense lust, a near craving to fold you in half and stretch you open around his dick. His hand moves faster, harder, and he thinks finally of the way you moan his nameâhigh, needy, damp against his earâand he opens his eyes and pants, watching his spend leak out of him.
Ooh could I request a 42 (breeding kink oops) with Carlos + maybe a touch of the jealousy/marking/lovebirds in there
bit jealous â cs55
Carlos channels his jealousy into something else.
auds here... sorry but carlos and breeding is literally perfection to me and u can't tell me otherwise....
nsfw warnings under the cut!
18+ because... penetrative sex, rough sex, use of papi (just once and sorry guys), breeding kink, unprotected sex (on purpose)
âAll he said was he liked my necklace,â was your last line before you were yanked out of the bar area.
Two drinks, a car ride with his hand up your skirt, and five heâs just a strangers later, heâs turned you into a sweaty, writhing mess on the centre of your bed. Your nails scratch at the sheets for purchase, this thousands-some thread count behemoth that wonât allow you to grip it properly, so you resort to digging your fingers into the hard, sinewy muscle of Carlosâ bicep.
Heâs licking shapes on the hollow of your neck, pausing only to nip at it and cause your breath to falter, his cock halfway into you. Your ankles are linked at the small of his back, quivering like the rest of you. âThatâs my girl,â he breathes into your ear, rambling to get his mind off the feeling of your cunt, hot and tight around him, bare. âDoinâ real good for me, cariĂąo. No protection, no nothing⌠puta, youâre perfect.â
The praise inflates your head and you allow him to take, take, take, the feeling of his fingers at your clit, rubbing delicate circles distracting you from the stretch. âMade to take this fucking cock, yeah? Say yeah.â Yeah, you parrot stupidly, nodding. Heâs huge and stretching you out, irresistible to buck up into.
âGonna breed you tonight,â he rasps decisively, his accent causing the words to knock into each other, but you understand him of course you understand him, and you cry out a moan of affirmation. âYouâre mine, cariĂąo, all mine, gonna mark you up, show those guys thereâs nothing here for them.â Youâre dripping around him from his promises alone, the squelch of every thrust a welcome noise into your bedroom.
Heâs always had a tiny jealous streakâthe cute, endearing kind. Got all pouty when a guy approached you, a little moody when the flirting was less subtle. But youâd reassure him with a kiss, let him fuck you, call you his. This is differentâthis is intense. Spurred on by some asshole who let a hand slide down to your ass at the bar.
And his intent went from fucking you to something elseâclaiming you. And itâs exactly what it feels like, rougher, his words dirty, his cock stretching you out deliciously, each thrust punctuated by an involuntary cry. Heâs louder, youâll say, louder than you are, but also because his lips are pressed right by your ear, and every hot, damp moan is sent directly through you, getting you absolutely drenched.
He hauls himself up and presses your knees to your chest, thrusting back in at the easier angle, with the wider access. âGonna let me breed you, baby?â He pants. âFuck you dumb?â
âYes, please, yes,â you goad out.
âGonna knock you up, sĂ? Get you swollen with papiâs babies, yeah? Knock this pretty littleâputaâpussy up?â His balls clap obscenely against your ass but you havenât half the mind to pay attention to it, your own whimpers and moans drowning any other noise out.
âYeah, fuck, Carlosâyeahââ
âCome on, come with me, cariĂąo. Gonna fill you up, you gotta keep everything in for me.â
He slams into you one last time, so strong, so hard, and youâre releasing at the same time you feel spurts of his seed coat your walls. He moans at the feeling, at the way youâve clenched tightly, gushing around him, and lowers himself back to kiss intermittently at your neck.
âSweaty, baby,â you whine softly.
âShut up,â he grumbles, biting at your neck until a purple inkling forms there. He smiles, a boyish grin that doesnât scream I just bred my girlfriend, and goes, âthat can be your necklace next time.â
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car sex with charles and/or saying I love you thru laughter (#2) or I haunt you in your sleep!!!!!!
shift gears â cl16
Charles picks you up in his Range Rover, which can only mean one thing.
auds here... i cried over ur bday greeting for me this a.m. so naturally i wrote car sex! i love you mackster
nsfw warnings under the cut!
18+ because... car sex, penetrative sex, semi-public setting, use of bunny as a petname, riding, size kink
Days where you get to fuck in the car are obvious and numbered, because those are the same days Charles picks you up in his black Range Rover instead of an obscenely showy red Ferrari (because the low ceiling will never grant either of you the patience to ride him). Half the time this car pulls up at your flat, you barely make it to the parking lot elevator youâre never not unscathed, fully dressed, or swollen-lipped.
Those are also the same days he gets back from work trips or races. The same days you have to make it to an event on time and nearly never do. Today is one of those days, which you really shouldâve embedded into your head when you decided to wear a dress that ended far above your knees.
When you slid into the passenger seat and felt his eyes on you, his hand on your thigh, lingering. When he asked for a kiss for the road and deepened it, licking into your mouth until your thighs quivered and you were the one asking for his cock, when he instigated it all. When he parked at the far, dark end of the garage of this godforsaken restaurant, ushered you into the backseat, invited you on his spread lap. Pressed open-mouthed kisses all over your bare neck, licking over your collarbones.
âI really canât be late tonight,â you mouth hotly into his skin, but your words ebb into a whimper at the feeling of his hand sneaking up your tiny dress. âCharles.â
âWeâll be quick, bunny,â he affirms, his rough hand groping at your ass shamelessly. âMissed you too much, putain.â He thumbs at the wet seat of your lace panties, pulling it to the side so he can bully himself into you, and for a minute itâs just you two breathing as you struggle to adjust to the girth of him, always a challenge after heâs away too long.Â
Your doe eyes struggle to stay open, fluttering shut when they meet his dark ones. âSo big,â you wrench out, your voice on the edge of a sob.Â
âRemember what I tell you, baby?â He whispers into the air in-between the both of you. âSay it with me,â he continues, closer and closer to bottoming out.
âWeâll make it fit,â you whimper, finally fully seated on him. Youâre clearly struggling already, the burn of lifting yourself up and down slowly, slowly, then faster, taking a toll on you and causing a sheen of sweat to form across your writhing body. âPlease, please,â you beg, unknowing what for.
âI know, baby, I know. Feels good, yeah? Hard to stay quiet?â
He watches your pussy swallow all of him again and again, thumbs at your clit to watch you squirm and release sweet sounds, taking his cock like you were made for it. Your stuttered moans rise in volume every time he thrusts upward to meet you, his cock making nasty noises that only get you wetter. Youâre so tight, so wet, dripping all over him and your thighs.Â
âI canât take it,â you say, eyes squeezed shut. âIâmâgonna fuckinâââ
Heâs doing the work now, thrusting up into you and involuntarily jerking moans of his name past your lips every time his balls slap against you. âCome on, bunny, keep bouncing. Come for me,â he says between his teeth, pressing his hips flush against your ass, so deep you can feel it in your stomach. âYou gonna be good, oui? For me?â
âYes, yes,â you nod dumbly, âdonât stop, please.â
He tells himself youâre both doin a good job of being quiet, staying under the radar. His carâs as hulking as it was ridiculously expensive, and itâs sturdy, so it doesnât shake much. He repeats the shitty lie to himself as he thrusts into you harder, and this time youâre almost wailing his name, mixed with expletives and pet names of your own making.
Youâre squeezing him, gushing down the length of his cock, and he knows heâs not going to last long. âRight there, Charles,â you whimper, âwanted you to fuck me since you picked me up. Wore your favorite pair,â and fuck the pink lace wrung around your hips, this really is his favorite.Â
âMâgonna cum if you donât shut up,â he scolds, pounding into you and feeling just how close you are.
âYeah, meâme too, baby, Iâfill me up, I wanâ it,â you babble, and before you can even inhale, heâs emptying himself inside of you as you release hot and wet around him, his hands everywhere, just dying to get a feel of you underneath the thin material of your dress. My filthy girl, he murmurs into your neck, accent heavier than ever.
Your phone rings three inhales later, and your sweaty hand swipes clumsily to pick up Lando's call.
Hey, dinnerâs starting in five.
âYeah, yeah,â you say, trying to not sound as breath-deprived as you are. You already feel the staccato vibrations of your boyfriend against your damp skin at the poorly-hidden lie and hide a laugh of your own. Quietly, he bites at your skin and squeezes the flesh of your waist. I love you, he whispers amidst laughs, at the same time Lando asks: You guys done driving?
You blow a silent kiss, and then clarify: âJust finished.â
2 days before my birthday i had an urge to check my followers list and found a hive mind w/ a population of over 5,000 party people, porn bots, and perv anons. WHAAAT.
iâd like to preface by saying iâve never been happier than when i was up daily, writing for this blog, pulling inspiration from all corners of life and cherishing in the fact that people got what i want to put across and even appreciated it. thank u is not enough. what a trip!!! a year ago i was a follower of talented writers who i now call friends, with the beginnings of my first ever fic barely in fruition, and that stuns me.
the future for this blog is a little foggy with how much life iâll be needing to live in the next few months. but while i have you, letâs celebrate!!!
send me a driver and a prompt from this list
send me a driver and a prompt from this nsfw list
req a drabble based on a song of yr choice!
this event closes 17 november, midnight gmt. canât promise iâll complete everything in time but keep them coming :)Â ps if any of u r wondering the only sequel in order is the one to 'do you want it?' !!!
now for the thank yous which are so clearly in orderâ
to mack @formulaforza, thank you for everything. i wish i knew you sooner and i wish you and i grew up together with how often you get me all figured out â in times of quiet and inactivity i still manage to find you in bites of butter and knee scrapes, and when i feel like thereâs nothing good to read i creep back onto your masterlist and exhaust it until my eyes droop closed. but besides being a brilliant writer youâre a true friend, not just to me but to everyone u surround urself with⌠iâm just lucky iâm in ur orbit
to dani @silverstonesainz, i still think of u as a famous writer i somehow lucked out with on the friendship front. the fame is deserved though because the talent is oh so thereeeeee. youâre an angel and a staunch defender of ur friends and u donât deserve a lot of things that were thrown at u. i love you a lot and i miss you moresies
to the discord server of writers that so readily keeps me laughing and updated on the f1verse after iâm gone for weeks/months, thank you. backreading over 100 messages on random wednesday mornings reminds me why a community on this app is soo necessary!!!! keep being brill writers :***
okay this isn't a request dw but I LOVE your little arctic monkeys references. I'd enjoy seeing more of those in the future when you do write anything new :)
aw i love am! my favorite song is piledriver waltz and hellcat spangled shalalala. AND U ANON?
auds not you naming the band âthe incidentâ lmao not even alternate universe charles can escape the reference it seems. great blurb as always, of course!! <3
hahahah not under my watch that's for sure! thank u so much i loved it it was so fun and something i wouldn't normally do (which i think makes it all the more enjoyable)
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i miss this blog sooo much you all have no idea but life is just getting in the way a whole lot. i love u i'm writing things r coming i truly promise :)
hi auds!! it's my birthday today ;) i never send reqs i know you get a whole ton of them but if you ever got around to this- i think the f1 fic world has a very worrying lack of aus. so could i get a band!charles au drabble where he writes a song about reader and she hears it on the radio? any song you like. reader could be driver or something or connected to f1 if thats cool !!! thank you sm!! i love you
knee socks â cl16
Thereâs a certain inevitability that comes with having sex with a misaligned, conceited lead guitarist of a band. You arenât aware of this fact until it hits you in-between your brows with the force of an 18-wheeler truck, at 8AM, through the radio in your car.
genre: drabble... lots of smutty allusions
auds here... happy birthday anon, one month and then some later! to be completely honest i almost deleted this... but through some twist of fate, it was the only thing i could bully into completion lol (aside frm long form fics that i'm still working on) this is 1000% for u and i hope u accept it as a belated bday gift :) i agree btw! id love to see more au fics but it is still nice reading the canon compliant type ones hahah. also the song in this and its and title is of course from this
It was surprising enough to hear an announcement of a new single by The Incident, one that seemingly sprouted out of nowhere, sans promotion. The morning BBC show clobbered the song with theories before finally letting the drawled-out, sticky guitar filter through and into your car. That in itself was odd, sure. Maybe shocking a little. But you leaned into the leather seat and remained quiet.
When you were fifteen, you were convinced the lyrics to Hall & Oatesâ âRich Girlâ pinned up perfectly to your (insufferable) personality of the time. Raised in a big family and working in a career of refined prestige, your budding skill and already-cemented name in the modeling industry were just two small indicators of your parentsâ massive wealth. Of course, neither Hall nor Oates were actually sitting and writing songs and singing about youâyou just found it made sense in one way or another.
That was three years before you met Charles three years ago, at a pub in Soho. His band had only just spilled out of the confines of Soundcloud and seedy managers; theyâd broken five million monthly listeners and the throng of people were there to watch them live. You were at the pub for a pint with another friend and left him with your number, a slip of paper tinged with beer; he fished out the nearest surface you could write on from a nearby bowl. Do I Wanna Know? it read in rushed cursive. It was a song request that went unfulfilled.
Rumors flew in your circle. Your father soured at the idea of you seeing somebody he wasnât actively doing business with, but he failed to realize how limited your dating pool would be if you followed his wishes. Your interactions with the Formula One men he sponsored or worked with, however few and far between, were rancid and impolite. The drivers wore expensive brands, ones that didnât even fall familiar on peopleâs ears, but refused to tip beyond three pounds. It came as both a shock and no surprise that the nouveau rich rock singer treated you with more decency than any of them did.
He was shy about it first, knowing how filthy rich you were. He made jokes about how his flat could fit in your kitchen twice over. He spoke what little French he remembered from childhood to impress you, paid for takeout, wore Lacoste when he came over to drinkâthen fuckâbecause it was, at the time, the most decent brand he owned. Itâd been January when he came over, caught a sight of you at the foyer with all your expensive coats hung up. Your tongue was blue with a lozenge. It was the only thing he could look at while fucking you.
He wore a light blue variant once, fit and snug on him. You wrestled it off him in-between hot, sweet kisses, kept it on your bed so itâd be the first thing you tugged on in the morning before a shoot for a brand you can no longer place.
The last time you saw him heâd shown you lyrics, sang them aloud, drummed the beat he thought of on the skin of your thigh. His accent disappeared into rasp and notes. You told him to perform it live and he fucked you splayed up against your door, bent over your counter, then with your knees pressed to your chest on your white sheets, warm from the laundry. Sâgood for me, arenât you, princess? All for me. My filthy girl.
Two hours later: Iâm going on tour, sweetheart, heâd said while he cleaned you up.
âTil? Or⌠like, for long? Naked, you wrapped your blanket around your frame.
Ah, oui. For a while.Â
You failed to answer amicably, your eyebrows twisting. You didnât think to tell me? Just up and leave then? No number, no text, no announcement, justâ You exhaled tightly. You knew he didnât owe you anything of the sort; the sex, you guessed, the company had been so good youâd deluded yourself into thinking so.
Kittenâ
Donât call me that, you huffed, angrier now. Petulant. You got up and crowded him âtil you got to the door. Get the fuck out.
You watched him leave, brown leather jacket and black tee disappearing into London, and wrenched memories of him from the depths of your brain, the two years of your back and forth rendezvous. You wondered why you didnât get a song in that time, after his ascent to fame, after the release of other hit singles inspired by his bandmatesâ gossip rags and measly shags.
So a year later, when the memories have just begun to purge themselvesâwhen the lyrics, which already have sent a swoop through your stomach, progress into the line When you walked around your house wearin' my sky blue Lacoste⌠and your knee socks, you effectively choke on your a.m. cappucino. Itâs like âRich Girlâ all over again, but this is overt, itâs targeted. Like whoever wrote it mustâve known youâd be listening right now, en route to a shoot at eight in the morning.
âAll good, miss?â Ed, your chauffeur, meets your eyes in the rearview, concerned.
âPerfââ your voice cracks. âPerfect.â
You screw your eyes shut and try to collect yourself, zeroing in on the lyrics thatâd been foggy before.
Curing his January bluesâthe month you two started sleeping together.The fact that heâd had your number, a famous stranger, before you had his. Every beat, every word, every deep-voiced lyric traces back to you (unless, of course, heâs busying himself shagging any other girl in London on rainy Tuesdays and letting her wear his now-old polos. The thought sends a pang of jealousy through you.)
But you know better. You know youâre the only one.
Because your phoneâs the only one buzzing late into the damp nightâwhen the zeroes line up on the clock by your bed, the one he fixed up for youâwith a number youâve removed the name of, blocked at some point, but can still memorize in his absence.