someone explain this to me this is so surreal there’s a fucking watermark on the cake
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@leafells
someone explain this to me this is so surreal there’s a fucking watermark on the cake

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Reblog this if you slept with my ex-wife Susan.
Trying to prove a point to my divorce lawyer.
so this might seem dumb but its helped a lot instead of saying “i wanna die” in normal conversation or like in my head in response to minor inconveniences like even as a joke, saying “i wanna go to bed” has like. improved my life tenfold no joke
this is ok to rb btw
this is going to change my life i just know it
Hotel Belvedere Grindelwald Inst @noeul7030
The Signs and Gates:
Aries: The space between two mountains in the distance. The sky looks different. You can hear the beating of colossal wings.
Taurus: The fault line. A cliff where there was a field two weeks prior. The soil concealed a plate of polished black stone.
Gemini: The sudden sense that the bathroom rug is covering a hole. Stepping on it would cause you to fall into the pit. You cant seem to take your eye off it.
Cancer: Now entering a town with a four digit population. The gas station is adorned with thousands of wind chimes. There is no wind.
Leo: An overgrown cemetery. Its significance is lost to time. Paupers and kings feeding the roots of young trees.
Virgo: The sky outside is grey. The window is fogged up with rain. Light and shapes dance in the blurry patterns.
Libra: The space behind the desks at the public library. A tiny place of dust and lost pens, yet it seems so far away.
Scorpio: A statue holds a lantern over the path. Its features are rough and weathered. The lamp is still bright.
Ophiuchus: A log fallen over a river. It absolutely feels like a trap.
Sagittarius: The staircase overlooking the ballroom. Colors feel brighter, hazier, as you move down.
Capricorn: The deepest room of an old aluminum refinery. The great steel heart. You feel bigger here somehow.
Aquarius: A colossal grey boulder now cracked open like an egg. It reveals the glittering geode inside.
Pisces: An abandoned wolf den.

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Baia Mare | bogdan.buzuleac
WHAT WAS HE DOING IN A FIELD OF COWS.
His best
The Signs as Something Else
Aries: The storm sirens wail, the sound of colossal footsteps thunder closer. A low mournful sound that seems to crack the sky.
Taurus: The now abandoned house by the seaside. The reason there aren’t any more rat catchers in town.
Gemini: The grey dogs in porcelain masks that wander the streets at night. The one that sat under a streetlight, and watched through your bedroom window.
Cancer: The faceless too-tall things covered in red cloth. They seemed to be enjoying the tea party the little girl had set out for them.
Leo: There were rumors that god was starving.
Virgo: The tall leafless trees that grew on the sites of the mass graves.
Libra: The disused parts of the subway network. The market that meets every Friday in the old transit hub.
Scorpio: The sudden, intense and inescapable feeling that you are lost. How the feeling fades too suddenly.
Ophiuchus: The missing statue in front of the library.
Sagittarius: The old rotting puppet that taught you martial arts.
Capricorn: The massive black roadrunner that followed your car through Utah. You didn’t say a word the whole night.
Aquarius: The angel tangled in the power lines.
Pisces: How the world changes when you cross the freeway. How the trash vanishes and the paint becomes more vibrant. How the air becomes sterile.

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booty shorts that say “god won't let me die” on the ass
a rollercoaster from start to finish
the smarter u are the more men arent funny
the smell of Home Depot is cathartic
fairies live in the lights & chandeliers section, gnomes live in the outdoor gardening department
Stop romanticizing home depot
pixies live in the paint aisle. fuck you
Neurotic Symptoms, 1947. Illustrated by Boris Artzybasheff

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Morning Habits Worth Starting (Especially for College)
Give yourself enough time to get ready before you have to leave in the morning. For me this means setting my alarm about an hour before the time that I have to get my foot out the door. Eat a proper breakfast, do a little stretching, figure out your plan for the day. Having a slower paced morning is a lot more relaxing, and you can get your day started correctly.
Drink water first thing. I used to be a pretty heavy coffee drinker in the mornings in high school, but I realized that I could get away with a lot less caffeine if I started my morning off with a nice glass of cold water. You’re probably dehydrated after sleeping and water helps wake you up.
Make your bed. Making your bed is a visual reminder that sleeping time is over and that it’s time to get up! If I have a messy bed, I want to climb in and snuggle back into my blankets. This is especially true in the winters when it’s cold and dark. The movement also helps you wake up, which brings me to my next point:
Move! Your! Body! You don’t necessarily have to run through an entire yoga routine or go for a run (but hey, props to you if you do), but getting some movement in your mornings will help you wake up. I like to stretch a little bit, warm up my joints, maybe loosen up my limbs. It helps to get your blood flowing.
Open your curtains. In the winter it might be kind of dark and depressing where you live, so this isn’t always something recommended. I like to open my curtains when it’s sunny out so I can get some natural light, which helps your circadian rhythm so you wake up better - and fall asleep at night better.
Do something productive before your class begins. If your first class is super early, this might not apply. But I find it tremendously helpful to get something done, whether it be a flash card set, a work out, or a load of laundry, before my first class. It’ll get you into a productive mood for the rest of the day, and even if you aren’t productive for whatever reason, you can go to sleep knowing that at least you got something done that day!
Words I should really start to live by😂❤️