dragon

getting kicked off love island for just swimming in the pool and not talking to anyone

maybe if i isolate myself enough my desire for intimacy will go away

every day i am thankful to ancient humans for the domestication of the cat. fucking genius idea. agriculture was a good one too btw but you really outdid yourselves with the cat thing

ragebaiting lemonade stand owner with one simple order

None of my Friends or Coworkers or Classmates or Family know the dark task I will be undertaking this Saturday. Do you guys know the stress I am under lying to everyone. I have secret sock puppets hidden in every nook of my house. I flinch at every mention of the Muppets and I can't tell anyone why. I make up excuses to leave work early so I can put on Joker Makeup and practice for my Virtual Dashcon panel. I live a horrifying double life none of you could ever imagine. By day I am middle management at my job, a straight A student at school, and the Normal And Cisgender Pride And Joy of my family. By night I am the Muppet Joker. I spend all night in my bed screaming for God to save me from what I have created. I look at Kermit. He doesn't look back.

My one boring tip to anyone in their 20s is to resist the temptation to rot in your room every time you get a free moment. Dismiss any neuroses you have about going outside and "being perceived". Be a dictator about it, plan your hangouts like they are binding commitments. No excuses! Go to the bar with your friends. Be kinda hungover at work. Socializing is like exercise; even if you don't feel like you want to, you should still do it because it's good for you.

pop health science is so annoying bc it'll be like "did you know? eating strawberries will give you mega cancer" and you're like pfft whatever begone influencer. but sometimes then you'll see a reasonably credible article like "Study Shows Possible Link Between Strawberries and Mega Cancer" and you're not usually the type to follow that kind of thing religiously but idk maybe you should consider not eating strawberries? but then there's another article saying "Strawberry/Mega Cancer Study Debunked" and it turns out the original study had a sample size of 3 and was funded by Big Blueberry, and strawberries may have a small connection to mega cancer but only if you are genetically predisposed to mega cancer and eat 50 strawberries every day. so you return to your strawberry eating life. but whenever you eat strawberries in public someone tells you about the mega cancer.

i'm trying to save money but oh my god. jesus christ

why is the human body composed of such capricious tubes

what nobody tells you about weekends is that it’s already monday