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Hey bébé

Not sure I have favorites so much as I do stages of fixation? Your question made me scroll through my feed and did u know I’m subscribed to 300 podcasts? Of course u didn’t but neither did I. What’s up w me and this machine of isolated revelations. Anyway, I hope you don’t mind if I answer publicly; I’m asked this a lot and accidentally rarely respond so this time I’m recalibrating my wheel of reciprocation by doing just that

Here’s what I‘ve been gravitating towards lately and, in no order of preference, three mostly recent episodes I recommend from each:

Everything Is Alive:

Dennis, Pillow

Ana, Elevator

Chioke, Grain of Sand

Undiscovered:

The Long Loneliness

Plants and Prejudice

The Magic Machine

This Is Actually Happening:

What if your son went missing?

What if a murderer appeared at your bedroom door?

What if everything turned into mayhem?

Terrible, Thanks For Asking:

Two Letters

Heather

Witness

Criminal:

The Doctors

On the Run

Lavender Scare

Family Ghosts:

No Brown Spots

A Spirit of Vengeance

That You Should Be Happy

Spilled Milk:

Peach vs Nectarines

Nectarines

Refried Beans

Modern Love:

In The Waiting Room Of Estranged Spouses

A Life Plan For Two

The Secret To Marriage

Milk Street Radio

Alice Waters Wants to Save the World One Perfect Peach at a Time

Secret History of Peanut Butter: How One Woman Changed the FDA

Gonzalo Guzmán’s Nopalito: Inside a Mexican Kitchen

Also, everyone should listen to This Is Love before it returns November 14th. I hope these are good starts. If anyone wants to share their interests or what they’re looking for I may be able to tailor a better list for u!

Being still and silent and broken is its own kind of religion.

Doing this — existing around other people without proving yourself — works well because it feels good. It feels good when you’re not trying hard to win people over. It feels good to stand without adornment and know that you are enough. But it also works because good people respond to it. Trustworthy people will accept and embrace your listening and support and your silence. Untrustworthy people will think you’re a fucking weirdo, or believe that you’re not worthy enough because you’re not dancing or running or staying half-hidden and building suspense.

In contrast, it is exceptionally difficult to feel connected or close to other people when you’re sure that your value is conditional. You can spend decades in this state, and the more energy you put into keeping other people happy, the more convinced you become that no one is dependable and no one loves you for you. That doesn’t mean that you haven’t withstood abuse or tolerated selfish friends. But refusing to give yourself the right to simply exist is a way of preventing other people from simply existing. Everything is bartered or traded. No relationship is what it is: lopsided and weird and flawed and sweet. Every effort must be reciprocated with equal and opposite force (even if your emotional accounting is never shared with anyone) or you’re being ripped off or taken for granted. No one is allowed to be broken. You have to be better than you really are, and so does everyone else.

Once you develop an independent faith in your own value (this takes constant, repeated reminders to be compassionate and patient with yourself for the first time ever), then you can start to treat other people as valuable even when their value isn’t immediately apparent. You can enter the room as a broken person, sit with your brokenness without hiding it, and let it exist out in the open. You don’t have to share your own secrets straight out of the gate. You can ask people about the things that broke them, because you understand that being broken is interesting and includes a good story, or maybe 100 good stories. You listen to their stories not because you expect that then they’ll listen to yours, but because you’re making it your goal to take in reality, to connect, to get closer to the real world and the real people who live in it.”

Check moon/venus/sun sign 💖💗🦋

Aries: You need your lover to be up-front with you, and you don’t like to be kept waiting. Impatience or lack of spontaneity can be a killer. Worst of all, though, is feeling that your lover is hiding something from you. Be up-front.

Taurus: Gentleness is the one essential for the Taurus lover. No rough edges, crude speech, tasteless appearance, or rough handling. Refinement rules your heart, and if a lover can’t be civilized, it’s impossible to overlook or forgive it.

Gemini: Communication is the main thing with the Gemini lover. You need to get a phone call, e-mail, or text every day. Being out of touch is the kiss of death. Communicate with touch, scent, and taste, too. There is no such thing as too many whispered sweet nothings.

Cancer: You want to not only be protected but you also need to feel that you protect your partner. This creates a security where that perfect love can grow. Loyalty, protection, and feeling totally safe in the arms of your lover are the best “coming home” there is.

Leo: You need to feel uninhibited and free in order to be tender, sincere, and, especially, playful. Think of lion cubs rolling together, and remember to frolic! Childlike silliness is a grand thing. Passion rates high, too, but it’s perhaps second to playfulness.

Virgo: Genuine kindness has got to be there for you. And your lover needs to show kindness as well as competence. Seeing your loved one being kind to weaker, younger, or disadvantaged people or animals warms the Virgo heart no end.

Libra: Peace and harmony may be scarce in this world, but you desperately need harmony in your private life. You partner needs to try to be accommodating and make as few waves as possible. Being a Libra, you cherish all attempts and forgive all shortcomings.

Scorpio: Without honesty and integrity, you’ll feel hollow, empty, and betrayed. Great sex is also appreciated, as well as being able to keep secrets and not tell everybody everything, but these may rank lower. The intimate, honest relationship is it.

Sagittarius: You need to be openly generous. Being free to give and receive on a big scale is crucial to the Sagittarius heart. There’s also a public aspect to this, though, and your lover needs to be at ease with you in the limelight. And yes, great sex counts as giving and receiving.

Capricorn: Respect, a good work ethic, and no laziness keep your life going and your heart beating. Love and emotional commitment take work. You must never be taken for granted. Too much praise would be offensive, however.

Aquarius: Excitement and experiment may be big with you, but bigger still is a basic sense of fairness and broad-mindedness. A petty partner has no chance here. Your lover doesn’t have to agree with all of your opinions, but it helps.

—

Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie

Reminds me of this:

When people publicly rage about perceived injustices that don’t affect them personally, we tend to assume this expression is rooted in altruism—a “disinterested and selfless concern for the well-being of others.” But new research suggests that professing such third-party concern—what social scientists refer to as “moral outrage"—is often a function of self-interest, wielded to assuage feelings of personal culpability for societal harms or reinforce (to the self and others) one’s own status as a Very Good Person.

via http://reason.com/blog/2017/03/01/moral-outrage-is-self-serving

naw not really, i don’t believe in soulmates

i think the difference you’re looking for comes with time

infatuation fades

true love comes in layers and layers of time and being present with someone, that’s why the wedding vow goes “for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health”

love is spending so much time with someone that you feel like one unit and then they say something that you disagree with and you argue about it and you realize that you’re not a unit, you’re two people who are so connected it makes you nauseous sometimes. still, two distinct people, who are THERE, THERE, maddeningly, invigoratingly, THERE — there for each other — there all the same

and it’s layers and layers of sediment, that you’re always digging through. and when you hit stone, you don’t stop; you start jackhammering until you reach earth again. and it will be soft, but there will always be layers of rock waiting, sometimes nearly impossible to break through, and you just keep trying to barrel thru each other

every body has hard spots, but you’ll know it’s love if you’ve hit the rocks, and documented it: the type, the texture, the color. and you are ok with these rocks, and you would prefer them to any other kind of rock

i don’t think people are made for each other, that’s a very individual way to think, and i don’t think things work like that. i do, however, believe that there is a good amount of predestiny or fate; some things are just bound to happen. if you and your person work well together, then it works. if you’re working too hard through it, maybe it’s not meant to be.

if it’s easy now, then go with it. later it will get hard, because it always gets hard later. the first rule of the universe: everything heads towards entropy. porridges are stirred. (they can’t be unstirred.) tea is steeped. (it can’t be unsteeped.) relationships get hard.

if it’s a good fight, you’ll feel it in your bones — “i want to keep this.” you would prefer slamming against this rock to the wide world above it

because they’re deep in you too, and the two of you, ideally, are mutually benefiting each other, and giving equal contributions, both people willing to fight for each other, giving each other full trust & respect

a lot of relationships fall apart, naturally. it’s just a lot of weight to keep holding. all those damn rocks. all the damn working for it. the fighting for it. (note: actual fights and/or mean arguments are not signs of healthy relationships.) the figurative constant fight to hold each other, i mean. if it works, it’s like a ballet. exhausting sometimes, but mostly exhilarating

it seems easy enough to me. i guess the thing that’s hard to figure out is the point where it turns from a good healthy slog to a bad one, where the exhaustion outweighs everything else.

Last week, at a New Orleans conference center that once doubled as a storm shelter for thousands during Hurricane Katrina, a group of polar scientists made a startling declaration: The Arctic as we once knew it is no more.