Indubitably.

Where I will look at my past and just laugh.

One day my time will come.

Where I will be happy & content.

I wont question what he says.

I wont have tears.

I wont have this heavy broken heart.

I wont have false promises and hopes.

He will pursue me and try his best to give me the world.

Show me he loves me, show me he cares.

All he wants is to see me smile.

I will be his world as he is mine.

One day, he will find me & I will find him.

I dont want it anymore.

Just take this pain away from me. It hurts so much.

It keeps me up at night. Negative thoughts lurk in this dark heart.

They are all the same. They only want what they want. They soak up all the love I have to give like a sponge. Leaving me with nothing.

My heart is shattered, broken pieces on the floor. I don't want to feel like this anymore.

Thoughts of you, your voice, your face saddens me. I can never trust again, I can never love again.

It hurts too much. I dont want it anymore. I dont want to hurt i dont want to cry.

This hurts.

I hate it. I just want it to go away and never return. I'm done with love, with like, with trust.

Im tired of having a broken heart and trying to mend the broken pieces.

I want someone who will fight for me. Who will just generally care how I am. Someone who cares to cheer me up when I'm sad or down. Someone who makes me better and helps me grow.

I dont want that feeling of pain, disappointment, tears falling from my face. I'm tired of talk and having to wait for someone to get their shit together as they hurt me in the process. I'm tired of being disrespected and embarrassed. I'm tired of promises broken.

There's a war inside my head.

I know myself and I give to all that I love. Sometimes giving too much allows you to lose yourself. But what i have learned is that you need to take care of yourself in order to take care of others. I've been through too much that I must have someone that can be my rock as I can be theirs.

I'm blessed. I'm flourishing in success. Because I've made the choice to do all the best I can and surrounding myself around like minded people.

No more will I wake up early to tall to you.

No more will I always be there when you call.

I'm tired of giving my all and not getting it in return.

I'm tired of false promises, false hopes

I'm tired of always doing the saving and the one always being there.

I'm tired my doubts yelling in my ear.

I'm tired of being compared.

I'm tired. I'm tired of it all.

I dont want this anymore.

I always end up disappointed no matter if it's an asshole or a good guy.

I dont want to be a burden.

I dont want to be your savior either.

I know where I am in life.

I know what I want in life.

I dont know how to help you.

I dont know what to say.

I dont want to add to your problems and be a dilemma.

I just dont want to be extra.

I cant shake this feeling off.

I’m grateful for this life I have, I’m grateful for being able to have my Dad in my life when there are those who have lost their Dads, I’m thankful for being aware of how I feel and knowing that its okay to let it out. I’m grateful that there are positive minded people in the world who will inspire me to be better, to smile, to laugh. I’m grateful to know my Dad is alive. I’m grateful to that he consistently argues against me an my mother every hour of every day. I’m grateful that he challenges me everyday and tests my patience. I’m grateful for all the mental abuse he creates. I’m grateful for his lies, his fraud of pretending that he’s innocent, and that the people that are taking care of him are always the bad guys. I’m grateful that such an unappreciative human being tells everyone that we don’t feed him.

I’m sick of it. I’m sick of waking up constantly to him yelling at my mom. I’m sick of having to repeat myself of why he can’t get whatever he wants. I’m sick of him constantly asking for coffee when he needs to freaking eat. I’m sick of fighting for him when he’s fighting against it and treating it as a joke. I’m sick of him telling everyone that we don’t feed him that we don’t give him coffee. I’m tired.  I’m sick of his hypocrisy and disrespect for the ones who always takes care of him. I’m sick and tired of him making people feel sorry for him. When the reason why I his lungs filled up with fluid and his kidneys failed was because he ate all that junk.  I’m just getting so sick and tired that its mentally draining me. I can’t shake it off.

My heart it beats My heart it stops. My breath is deep I can’t breathe.

I see what love is in your eyes. Connected in mind, body, spirit and soul, I start to realize.

There is magic in the air, Its meant to be-u & me. A love beyond words can describe, Something that I cannot hide. Giddy and all smiles A love beyond measure-unconditional. A love of Forever

Death lurks here and there. It creeps up on your door, Even when you don’t want it, Even when its not invited.

Its knocking, If you change and listen,-it will go away. But if it knocks again,  It here’s you complaining. So the knocks keep coming. Ignore it and complain wine and wine about how you have to take insulin about how you can’t have coffee. So death will keep coming back to knock. When enough is enough, he will barge in and take you Forcing its way into your life and your family. No questions asked. quicker than a blink of an eye, Then a snap of your fingers.

I'm hanging in there. But I just watched a show where a girl has a Dad that has an illness. And her and her family are saying good bye because his physical body is shutting down. And the helper has a talk with Zoey about the two ways you can look at death. You can hate and be pist that it's happening and go down a very deep hole. Or you can look at it as something peaceful and accept that it's better for the person.

I'm hanging in there because regardless of my dads situation right now, I want him to fight and and I'll fight for him to live. I'm hanging in there but hes suffering. I'm trying so hard to be strong throughout the day I am. But he doesnt want to exercise. He doesnt want to eat. Everytime after dialysis for the last two days, hes been very weak.