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November 2025
Itās now the last week of November, 2025.Ā Iāve been doing a bit of research on a name or explanation for the need to be outside, and in nature a lot. It actually has a name, Biophilia.Ā ā a human who fundamental tendency to seek connections with the outdoors and natureā. If you donāt meet the need of being outside, itās called āNature Deficit DisorderāĀ At least Iām not a complete freak, but always wanted to be outside.Ā Iām actually dreading that the most, when I have my op in less than two weeks.Ā Iāll struggle with not walking the dog, at the very least. Iāve got my pre op tomorrow, Iām a littler nervous, but Jay is coming with me.Ā I havenāt mentioned Jay yet!Ā Weāve known each other online for 8 years.Ā Ā I was actually meant to go on a date with him 8 years ago.Ā But he cancelled on me, and we ended up just staying Social Media friends.Ā He's a Tottenham fan like myself, and I added him to the Spurs group WhatsApp chat earlier this year.Ā On 4th October, our group chat was meeting up in The Peacock for a game, which is nothing unusual.Ā But it was Jayās first time meeting some of our gang.Ā And it was the first time Iād meet him in person.Ā When he walked through the pub door, it was actually a very strange moment for me, I was like āohhh helloā, he looked exactly as his photosā¦.but better, if that makes sense?Ā I instantly liked him, but heād only fairly recently had a break up.Ā And Iāve been messed about so many times, I just thought to myself āDonāt tell anyone, ignore your feelings, you donāt need this shit againā.Ā I try and give my everything in a relationship, and then when it goes wrong, I always feel so delated, and either ānot enoughā for people, or ātoo muchā for people.Ā It takes me a long time to get my confident back, and reset my happy levels.Ā Iām so happy single, and I wasnāt sure I could go through it all again. As previously mention, 2025 was my glow up year, I wanted to lose a considerable amount of weight, intended to have my op in Oct, and then tone my body up.Ā The op and toning took a back seat for now, as my op was delayed.Ā But I still had this as my plan, and meeting someone, wasnāt part of the 2025 plan.Ā In fact, it wasnāt part of the 2026 plan either.Ā Iāve got a lot on next year, and decided I needed to stay in my happy zone.Ā However, Jay ended up coming to our family October meet up, and afterwards, asked if I wanted to meet him at The Lilacs in Isham, for a chat. Iāve always tried to get my Spurs group chat to talk, most of them talk to me when there are issues.Ā So, I agreed to meet Jay, and we just chatted, so easily for a couple of hours.Ā Weād always chatted about our shit show of lives via Instagram anyway, so it wasnāt anything unusual.Ā However, fast forward near a month, and weāve been together since that following weekend, after The Lilacs.Ā Iām a slow burner, with friendships and relationships, but this seems very different.Ā And itās been the dead opposite of slow.Ā Maybe because weād been friends before, and we could skip all the āgetting to know you2 rubbish.Ā I hate that part of new relationships. It was Jayās birthday yesterday, and weāve spent 24 hours together. It was really nice.Ā I feel very at home, at his place (which is rare) and he makes me feel very safe, which I can honestly say, with my hand on my heart, that Iāve never felt before.Ā Donāt panic readers, Iām still guarded, Iām fully aware of how situations can change.Ā But Iām also very much in the mind of ālifeās shortā, so lets see if this unexpected chapter, becomes a massive part of the rest of my life story, which I very much hope it does.
Peri Life Here is the official description:- Perimenopause, the transition into menopause, is marked by a range of symptoms due to fluctuating and declining estrogen levels.Ā These symptoms can includeĀ irregular periods, hot flashes, sleep disturbances, mood changes, and vaginal dryness.Ā Other common experiences include brain fog, joint pain, and changes in libido and many more. Iāve experienced all of the above and many more.Ā Itās horrendous.Ā And your hormones can change daily, so how the hell are you meant to work out how to live with that?Ā This worked yesterday, but today is a different story.Ā Peri can also last for 10 years, so like I said, when does the female body get a break?Ā Coz after this, Iāve got menopause to face.Ā Hurray!! Anyway, itās nothing I canāt (and donāt) deal with myself.Ā All I have to do, is remind myself of the life Gemma is currently leading, and I bring myself back down to earth.Ā Speaking of grounding, and back to Scotland in some senses.Ā I keep thinking about my ridiculous need to ābe groundedā all the time.Ā I genuinely have anxiety attacks, if I canāt find time to be outside.Ā When Iām breathing fresh air, or walking round bare foot, I feel empowered, I love it. In Scotland, walking bare foot across the beach, and also in the Fairy Glen trail, across the rocks and into the waterfall, it was such a great feeling, I didnāt want to leave. I need to look up whatās wrong with me, why I need to be outside so much. Iām really sad that itās back to work tomorrow.Ā Not just because itās back to the work and life rat race.Ā But it was also so nice to unavailable for a week. I didnāt answer any work related messages, of which I had 5.Ā It was amazing to have no tv.Ā So you had to think of other ways to entertain yourself, but also, could escape all the bad news on the TV.Ā I got to step out of my routine, and everyone who needs my attention and wants my time every day.Ā I made a pact to myself in Scotland, to be a little more selfish and take some more me time, for my own mental health.Ā Iām sick of feeling overwhelmed, and always being the organiser, and the reliable one who gets back to people as soon as they contact me. Time to take a step back! Level 48 starts tomorrow. Time is ticking. It's now October 2025, and I should be recovering from my mastopexy operation.Ā However, the hospital cancelled, and itās now rescheduled for December 2025.Ā I was furious at first, but on reflection, it means Iāll get a month off work, because the 2 weeks recovery, leads straight into my Christmas Annual Leave. I made the decision, to close my business on a Monday.Ā Weāre only a few weeks in, but itās amazing.Ā I love having that extra day.Ā I donāt feel quite so exhausted.Ā My friend Steve has moved from Hertford, to Overstone.Ā I helped him with his flat pack last weekend, which was his first weekend in the house.Ā Itās a lovely home, and had got my a little excited for my move, hopefully next year, depending on the sales market, but if not, certainly the following year.Ā Mumās had her wrist operated on, and is nearly fully recovered now, after they messed the op up, originally. Iāve got lots of things booked in for the next few weeks, and my 2026 diary is also getting full. I canāt believe the cruise is in about 300 days!Ā It was 890 when I started the countdown.Ā A lot of my friendās are slowly turning 50 too.Ā Life is speeding by. This weekend, Iām looking forward to a Micheal Jackson tribute with Mum, breakfast with the Millbrook crew, and our family day, which will be Halloween themed.Ā Iāve also got a murder mystery, a Five Concert, Northants Sings Out Concert and of course my Mastopexy all before Christmas.Ā
July 25/pt2 Iāve experienced all of the above and many more.Ā Itās horrendous.Ā And your hormones can change daily, so how the hell are you meant to work out how to live with that?Ā This worked yesterday, but today is a different story.Ā Peri can also last for 10 years, so like I said, when does the female body get a break?Ā Coz after this, Iāve got menopause to face.Ā Hurray!! Anyway, itās nothing I canāt (and donāt) deal with myself.Ā All I have to do, is remind myself the life Gemma is currently leading, and I bring myself back down to earth.Ā Speaking of grounding, and back to Scotland in some senses.Ā I keep thinking about my ridiculous need to ābe groundedā all the time.Ā I genuinely have anxiety attacks, if I canāt find time to be outside.Ā When Iām breathing fresh air, or walking round bare foot, I feel empowered, I love it. In Scotland, walking bare foot across the beach, and also in the Fairy Glen trail, across the rocks and into the waterfall, it was such a great feeling, I didnāt want to leave. I need to look up whatās wrong with me, why I need to be outside so much. Iām really sad that itās back to work tomorrow.Ā Not just because itās back to the work and life rat race.Ā But it was also so nice to unavailable for week. I didnāt answer any work related messages, of which I had 5.Ā It was amazing to have no tv.Ā So you had to think of other ways to entertain yourself, but also, could escape all the bad news on the TV.Ā I got to step out of my routine, and everyone who needs my attention and wants my time every day.Ā I made a pact to myself in Scotland, to be a little more selfish and take some more me time, for my own mental health.Ā Iām sick of feeling overwhelmed, and always being the organiser, and the reliable one who gets back to people as soon as they contact me. Time to take a step back! Level 48 starts tomorrow. Time is ticking.
July 2025
Itās July now, I got back from Scotland yesterday, and tomorrow is my birthday.Ā Before I talk about Scotland, I wanted to mention, that Gemma is living in a Residential Home in Desborough, sheās been there for just over a week, on a six week trial, and if all goes to plan, she can stay there.Ā Iām really hoping this is her forever place, as she seems really happy. Scotland was brilliant!Ā Itās so beautiful.Ā Stunning landscape, and generally really well looked after.Ā It's the furthest Iāve ever driven, there, back and every day in between, we travelled 1, 359 miles in the 6 days.Ā We also managed to tick off three things from my bucket list. Visit Scotland.Ā Go to Loch Ness and Stand in, and drink from a Waterfall.Ā We were so lucky with the weather, it rained once, but we were driving at the time.Ā And we lived in shorts and t shirts.Ā The only time we wore jackets, was on the Loch Cruise. It was lovely getting to spend quality time with my mum too.Ā As morbid as it sounds, the reality is, weāre all running out of time.Ā We might not have many more opportunities.Ā I donāt mean death, in particular, although this could also happen, and inevitably will, but I mean health.Ā My dad canāt walk far these days for example.Ā We never know how many more Motherās Days, Christmasās and birthdayās we have left together. Speaking of morbid, although I love talking about death, so it wasnāt a biggy for me.Ā But Ian and I signed my mumās Power of Attorney today.Ā We had to sign ourselves, and then sign to say weād witnessed each other sign. This is stage one.Ā Basically, if mum get dementia, sheās signed her rights over to me and Ian, to make the right decision. If this all goes through, sheās going to do the financial side of things. This reminded me, I was going to look at Pure Cremations this year, and still havenāt. Iāll put it on my never ending, to do list. While I was driving all that way, I noticed something that annoyed me, but vowed Iād NEVER complain about this thing again. My hair kept catching in my seatbelt and the collar of my tops.Ā It's because itās at an awkward length at the moment, but the reason Iāll never moan about it, isā¦. Thank you to the perimenopause, Iāve been losing my hair over the last year. Literally, if you look at one photo a month from July last year, each single month, my hair is getting shorter and shorter, and I hadnāt had it cut, and getting thinner and thinner. It's really bothered me. Itās felt quite soul destroying and upsetting to be honest. I have been embarrassed. The amount of people who, every month, would say āoh youāve had your hair cutā.Ā I literally havenāt, itās just been falling out, and breaking at the ends, to appear shorter. So the fact that itās getting under my collar at the moment, means it must finally be growing again.Ā Thank god!Ā I canāt describe how awful the perimenopause is. Like seriously, when does a womanās body get a break? I started my period at 13.Ā So this meant monthly excruciating pain, migraine and extremely heavy bleeding, that lead to anaemia. Likeā¦..every month!Ā Then we obviously grow a chest, mine gave me awful back pain!Ā This is one of the reasonās Iām getting rid of them in October. We have the pregnancy and birth.Ā Our bodies change FOREVER after this.Ā I actually joked to Jake earlier, and said āRight Iāve lost my weight now, but what do I do about this wobbly belly?Ā You caused it, so you can sort it outā. I have to say though, people donāt talk much about Perimenopause and Menopause.Ā Here is the official description:- Perimenopause, the transition into menopause, is marked by a range of symptoms due to fluctuating and declining estrogen levels.Ā These symptoms can includeĀ irregular periods, hot flashes, sleep disturbances, mood changes, and vaginal dryness.Ā Other common experiences include brain fog, joint pain, and changes in libido and many more.

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My Dog Benson, bought for me, from my then husband. Jake's first dog too, we're both dog obsessed
Jake and I July 2006
It was such a pretty place to visit.Ā In the photoās, youād think we were abroad.Ā And obviously, Kane was also living his best life. Mum also organised her āfamilyā to get together for a meal at Bellla Scillia.Ā Mum paid for the lot.Ā I say āfamilyā, it was literally us lot, plus Liz and Paul, and Margaret and John.Ā It was really nice.Ā Sheās also had lots of other things going on with other friends.Ā Sheās been well and truly spoilt. She is still waiting for surgery on her wrist though.Ā It was meant to happen towards the end of last year.Ā And still nothing.
Speaking of surgery.Ā I began a really strict 1,200 calorie diet at the end of November.Ā I also intermittent fast for 16 hours, as often as possible.Ā I lost 3 stone, but now Iām maintaining, and am 2 and a half stone lighter than where I started. I had decided 2025 would be my glow up year. So Iāve been using Invisalign to straighten my teeth up.Ā And was planning a boob reduction.Ā But the weight loss and definitely made them a lot smaller.Ā A normal size at last.Ā However, Iāve decided to still go for surgery, for a reshape and uplift.Ā Iāve got a consultation at the end of August, and Iām pencilled in for surgery at the beginning of October. Iāve met a new friend called Michelle.Ā Sheās had lots of surgery done actually.Ā And she recommended this surgeon in Peterborough, so I hope heās as good for me, as heās been for her. My friend Matt has stepped up in my rankings too.Ā Weāve been social media friends for a long time, but since Spurs have been in the Europa league, heās come to Kettering for some of the games.Ā (He lives in Narborough) he said I deserve to have someone who has my back, and thatās what he plans on doing.Ā Itās a nice feeling to have a group of proper friends surrounding me at the moment, not just the people who have to be, because we work in the same line, etc, I love getting all our Spurs family connected, I hope now we've got the games in The Peacock, that some of these people, will connect closer as friends too, not just my friends. Gemma is STILL in hospital.Ā Sheās had a finger amputated now, and several other fingers arenāt looking great either. Sheās been told itās highly unlikely sheāll ever go home, and will likely be living in a residential home for the rest of her life.Ā So her family are currently looking at homes.Ā I have a gut feeling Gemma wonāt see many more years.Ā Sheās not in a good way, health wise.Ā Amazingly, sheās so strong and positive.Ā Tottenham won the Europa League, so that was an unexpected Bucket List tick āSee Spurs win a trophyā.Ā It was such as good atmosphere.Ā One of my favourite evenings in a long time.Ā Such a buzz.Ā I guess you wouldnāt understand if youāre not a football fan. Iām looking forward to going to Scotland in little under 4 weeks.Ā Ā Itāll be nice to get away, I feel really exhausted at the moment.Ā I work long hours, no breaks, and lots of extra work outside my opening hours.Ā I know I plan on stopping Childcare in about 65 weeks, but itās wearing thin as it stands.Ā I have three children leaving in August, and Iām thinking about my options, if I donāt fill the spaces. One thought Iād had, is to stop working Mondays, but we shall see how we go a bit nearer the time first.Ā
Unfortunately, Gemma had to have her other leg off.Ā Where theyād removed the toes, it wasnāt healing properly, and was causing more trouble, so they decided to remove it.Ā Sheās actually glad itās been done now, rather than have to go through it all again.Ā So sheās now been in hospital for 6 months.Ā I hope she gets out soon.Ā Starts recovering before Christmas, and then writes off 2024 as a bad year, starting a new chapter for 2025. Kev and I are going to a Europa game on Thursday.Ā I absolutely love going to Spurs, when I walk in the Tottenham Hotspur stadium, I always have an absolutely overwhelming feeling, itās almost like thatās where I belong.Ā I feel like Iām home.Ā So Iām really looking forward to going, and also to spend more time with Kev.Some of the WhatsApp group have also started to meet up for game, Kev and I started advertising The Peacock as a Spurs pub, and now weāve taken over the pub. Iāve got the first week of November off work, and weāve booked in a Spa day.Ā I felt we both needed time chill time.Ā Itās been a rocky year for us both. On Saturday, Iāve got a Halloween party at Keith and Julies.Ā Iām glad my relationship with them is building.Ā Theyāve booked the same cruise as me, so thatās 6 of us now, potentially 7 if Nigel comes.Ā Then on Sunday, the family are meeting up for breakfast, and then weāre going to the Haunted House walk at Wicksteed park.Ā That will be our October meet up.Ā Still going strong with that.Ā We had a lovely Christmas, I spent Christmas Eve at The Midland Band Club with some friends, and have now applied to become a member.Ā I have to keep on doing these things out of my comfort zone, otherwise Iām going to get left behind. Jakeās officially an adult now, and wants to spend times like this, with his mates.Ā So I sit at home alone, or I go out alone, and make sure I fit in.Ā Ā It was such a good night. The Christmas period in general was nice, lots of family times together. Chris passed away in February 2025, his last day out of bed was his birthday, he also stopped eating that day too, and passed away a few days later.Ā His funeral was lovely actually.Ā And it was really nice to catch up with family. Cancer is a horrible thing, itās such a long and slow death, with lots of pain and suffering.Ā I really hope they bring in the assisted death law, before itās my turn. This year, Spurs have been in the Europa League, so weāve had a lot more football than usual.Ā Weāve been terrible in the Premier league, but this league has given us a little hope.Ā Itās also been lovely to spend extra time, week day nights, with my Spurs WhatsApp group.Ā Weāve all become really good friends, I love it.Ā I actually live for it at the moment, Iāve just got a great feeling about it. Kev and I went to watch one of the games, it was a killer on a week day night, and having to get up for work after 4 hours sleep, so weāve decided to watch the other games in the pub, but was lovely to experience on of the games in person.Ā Weāve decided to make The Peacock the Spurs pub, and weāve started spreading the word.Ā Each game there are more and more fans turning up.Ā If we get to the final, the roof will come off that pub.Itās really nice that Matt in the group (Whoās moved up to Narborough, and doesnāt know many people up here) is getting more involved with the group.Ā Iām hoping we can get a decent bunch of us to the last few games. Ā It was mumās 70th in April.Ā I organised a get together at The Park House, for friends and family to come for a drink.Ā I also got mum a crown, a sash, a 70 badge and had a birthday cake arrive.Ā It was nice to get everyone together.Ā I also gave her my present from me, which was a long weekend in St Ives, Cornwall.Ā She said sheās never had a surprise get away, in her entire life.Ā We couldnāt have asked for better weather, youād have thought it was summer time, not April.Ā We packed Jeans, but in reality, we could have done with shorts.
I had a week off in July, and managed to do a few bucket list things, including Visiting Barry Island, home of Gavin and Stacey.Ā They are currently filming the final ever come back, for the Christmas Special, Iām looking forward to it.
Since Kevās party, which I mentioned earlier, and which was completely out of my comfort zone, he and I have become quite close. We text daily, and weāve spent quite a bit of random time together, just going for a drink, or to the cinema. Itās nice having a companion to do some things with. He's the first man in my 47 years, to ever pull a chair out for me, or open doors etc. Heās so easy to talk to, and I love spending time with him. All the little things that are important at this stage of life. Kev knows Iām a bit of a man and relationship hater, but thankfully he seeās our friendship the same way as I do. Heās become a good friend though, which is nice. Actually, the whole Spurs WhatApp group is getting closer.Ā Itās great, these are my people!
At New Year, we made a family pact, to meet once a month. This is still happening, and itās done the family some good I think. Josh still has nothing to do with Ian, and itās making a difficult situation for the whole family, but Iāve decided, I canāt fix everything, and I need to step back from situations Iām not in control of.
Gemma has had a hell of a year, one of the reasonās I havenāt updated for a while, sheās been in hospital for four months, and Iād been visiting three times a week.Ā It was so draining, but I needed to be there for her. To cut a long story short, sheās now had all her toes removed from her left foot, and has had her right leg amputated below the knee.Ā Sheās on the road to recovery now, and I hope this will be a nice new chapter to her life. Iāve been making some plans for next year.Ā Mum doesnāt know this yet, but Iāve booked a few days in Cornwall for her 70th, just me her and Kane, in April. Hopefully we get to Saint Michaelās Mount this time, to tick it off the list. Weāve also booked Loch Ness for next July, another bucket list tick! End October 2024, Can you believe, not once, but twice now, Iāve seen the Northern Lights in England, really clearly.Ā I canāt believe how lucky I am.Ā A lot of Britain saw it this time, I think those who missed it before, felt left out, so all went in search of it again this time.Ā It really is amazing, I donāt think Iād ever get bored of looking at it, like I donāt with sunsets, and weird skies, cool clouds, rainbows, and natural wonders of the world, like volcanos, mountains, the seaside and so on. Mum and I went to see my Great Great Granddads clock at Burton Latimer Museum.Ā We took some photos to show Chris.Ā Mum went to visit him with Liz recently, as heās now been put on end of life care. This usually means youāve got up to about 12 weeks left.Ā So Iām glad he got to see us at the museum with it. After, mum and I went to a tearoom called Buntyās, and while I was there, Matt from Vista Balloons called me, Hot Air Ballooning was on my bucket list, and weād put ourselves on the short list to go.Ā He called to say the weather is lovely, letās go flying. So finally, I managed to tick that off my bucket list.Ā I had money put away for it, for over seven years, but have never managed to get on, I canāt tell you how peaceful and calm it is up in the air.Ā You donāt feel as though youāre actually moving.Ā Itās magical.Ā We did have a crash landing though.Ā Youāre meant to land at 3 to 5 miles per hour.Ā We were running out of flat land, so we crash landed at 17 miles an hour.Ā Other than that, it was amazing.

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The Lawsonās health hasnāt been very good this year. Iāve got a doctors appointment on Monday after 11 weeks of a sore throat. Ianās quit work, as he literally canāt move with his bad back. Dad canāt walk far now because of his legs, I also think he has a touch of agoraphobia. And mum, having just finished recovering from wrist surgery, crashed her car (itās a write off) and the very next day, tripped over and broke her arm and dislocated her wrist. Sheās in plaster for another 6 weeks. We were meant to go, with Liz, to see Chris on Thursday. Iād booked a couple of days off work. But Chris cancelled us a few days before, heās been taken really ill, and couldnāt cope with visitors. Iām hoping we still get time to visit, I wanted to get the siblings together for one last day, one last photo. But itās not looking great at the moment. Iāve just started a photography course. I want to get good at this, before we go on the Cruise. Itās now June, I managed to unexpectedly tick another thing off my bucket list. For the first time in my lifetime, The Northern Lights were visible by eye, everywhere in England, and it was absolutely amazing, I had a tear in my eye and a lump in my throat, it was absolutely breathtaking. I Iāve got this and next week at work, then I have a weeks annual leave. I canāt describe how ridiculously tired and exhausted Iāve been lately, so it's very needed. Iām going on a Solo Road Trip with Kane. Iām really looking forward to it. Iāve been getting closer to my Spurs group chat. I went to meet one of the ladies in person, Kaz. She was lovely. Then it was Kevās birthday, so I went to celebrate with Den and Adrian too. Itās weird being out of my comfort zone, but also really nice to build the friendships and be around different people. I joined the Spurs whatsapp group during lockdown.Ā Itās honestly saved me at times, theyāre my sort of people.Ā Iām hoping to get to go to some games, events and pubs together, to watch Mum and I have booked the Cruise for 5th Sept 2026, deposit paid. Itās really nice having something to aim for. Especially as I have no plans to go abroad for the next couple of years, what with saving so hard. Plus, apparently the British Summer of 2024, is going to be the wettest since 2012 with 50 days of rain! Oh joy.
Iāve booked a weekend to go to Gosport with Mum and Liz, to go and see Chris. 6th and 7th of July. I really hope he feels up for it this time. Itās now September 2024, and I canāt believe how much has happened since I last updated. We managed to go and visit Chris in Gosport, and brought back a family clock, which Chris wanted to send to Burton Latimer Museum, as neither of his children are interested in ancestry, and neither have children to pass it on to. Mum and I are going to the museum in October to see the piece about my Great Great Grandad, and how the clock came about. Unfortunately, I didnāt get my photo of the siblings, as Liz was too poorly with sciatica to manage the travel. It was lovely to catch up with Chris, but unfortunately, heās not well at the moment. His youngest son, Dave came to stay with mum a few weeks ago, so I managed to catch up with him too.
Iāve got my last ever Parents Evening tonight, it feels really weird that my baby, is now 18. I feel a little redundant, to be honest. Itās a very weird feeling, that no one prepares you for, similarly with PeriMenopause. I put my life on hold for Jakeās childhood, which is what every good parent should do. But as his dad was barely there for the first 16 years, I literally made sure I had no plans for 6 out of 7 days a week. It was a massive fear of mine, that Iād die before Jake was 18. And now he is, I never thought of how Iād feel when he became an adult. Iām like āWho even am I?ā Iāve been Jakeās mum for years, and now Iām me. Never mind, nothing has managed to break me so far in life, Iām sure Iāll readjust, and crack on with it. While I talk of moving home and getting on with the next chapter, I wanted to talk about Centre Parade. Itās a strange one here, Iāve had so many problems with my direct neighbours, The Perkins, they had 7 children, and that has been noisy to live next to, but even when some began moving out, the oneās that stayed are all into vehicles, they have 9 vehicles between the remaining 5 of them. They have purposely blocked my drive, or blocked my car in, they had an avery full of all types of birds, including cockatoos, which would wake us as 4.30am in the summer, and sqwark all day. They constantly get rats, and I have to keep paying for rat poison. They have a hot tub right underneath Jakeās bedroom window, and are in it until the early hours of the morning. They rev their cars and bikes outside my bedroom window from 5am. They always make life awkward if the fence blows over, saying I donāt have permission to stand on their side to fix it, theyāve thrown dead mice and rats, as well as bags of weeds and garden waste, over my side. Theyāve made me feel anxious in my own home for many many years. BUT, on the flip side, Centre Parade also has a big place in my heart. Besides The Perkins, lovely people live around here, itās the first place I moved to when I left home, itās my marital home, when I bought Richard out of the mortgage, it was my first home that I worked really hard to keep, all by myself, with no help. Itās the first house I completed my mortgage on, and it's Jakeās complete childhood home, he was born in Kettering, and came back to this house a day old, and itās been his consistent continuity, when his dad kept moving home. So Centre Parade means a lot to me, I love the actual house, just not the location anymore, and although Iām not financially ready yet, Iām looking forward to downsizing and buying my forever home. It's now April 2024, and Iāve since made the decision to quit childminding in September 2026. I will go on a cruise to The Fjords that month, and when I get back, Iām going to put my house on the market. Jake has a car now, a red Corsa. His dad bought him it, and Jake insured himself on it. Iām so nervous every time he goes out. Jakeās really sensible, but heās inexperienced and other drivers are fools. He has his ears pierced yesterday. Itās weird for me that he makes his own decisions now. Heās never done anything stupid though, heās a good kid, and I canāt complain. Weāve been looking together, at apprenticeships, heās not really sure what he wants to do next, so weāre applying for anything that takes his fancy for the time being.
We had a really lovely Christmas, and we made a pact as a family, to do more stuff together as a unit this year. We had a games night on Christmas Eve, which was different, but a good laugh.Ā Ella came too, so we could celebrate her 18th, as well as Christmas together. Then between Christmas and New Year, mum and I took Kane to Cornwall, for a nice little getaway. The weather was unbelievably mild, but unfortunately, really windy.Ā We managed to do two of the three things on my bucket list. We went to Lands End, historically, it was the last but one day that they are personalising the Lands End sign post, so you can have your town and milage on there, so I was pleased we made it. There was a storm there that day, so we didnāt have time to mess about, I hoped weād get a walk in there, but it was too dangerous. We also made it to The Eden Project, which had been on my Bucket List.Ā But unfortunately, Saint Michaelās Mount island had been closed, due to the windy stormy weather. It just means Iāll have to go back another time, doesnāt it. It was lovely to spend quality time with my mum. Weāve stuck to our pact so far.Ā The first weekend of the year, we all got together to watch Ella do a Sky Dive for her birthday.Ā It was a lovely sunny day, but extremely cold.Ā Then Ian and Annmarie had us round for a roast, and the next weekend, we went for tea and cake, for Corbenās birthday.Ā The next proper family meet up is in a couple of weeks, Iām having everyone round for Pie and Chips night.Ā Iāve made a task for myself, to have something booked in each month, so I have something to look forward to. So in January, mum and I went to The Lighthouse Theatre to watch Psychic Sally, which was quite good. Iām actually going to the theatre again tomorrow, 9th Feb, to a Murder show, Iām going alone.Ā Itās on my bucket list to do a solo date, and thatāll be it. Iām really looking forward to it. And then the following weekend, another bucket list booked in, thatās a bottomless brunch. I only know one person whoās going, so itāll all be very out my comfort zone, but apparently, life beings outside your comfort zone, and you only live once. My March āthing to doā is yet another bucket list, murder mystery evening.Ā Iām going with Karla, and Iām really looking forward to it. Yesterday, I emailed all my customers, to say Iām increasing my rates.Ā Iām one of the cheapest childminders in town, and feel like Iām selling myself short.Ā Especially as I do so much more than any of the ones I hang around with.Ā With each child paying a few pounds a week more, this will mount to over a hundred pounds a month pay rise. 2024, is about trying to save harder.Ā The harder I save, the quicker I can move and also escape this job.Ā Iāve also baby sat twice this year, with another booked in for next month, so this will all add up, and go into the āNext Chapterā move in my life.
I need to rewind, Robbie Williams was flippin amazing.Ā He has been brilliant every time Iāve seen him.Ā But this was different. Live and open air, like Knebworth was, 20 years ago.Ā But now Robbie has his head screwed on and is a family man, it hit different.Ā Itās so nice to see him humble and settled.Ā It was a very moving concert.Ā Maybe also because it'll probably be my last.Ā I canāt be bothered with the hassle of concerts anymore.
Gemma has been extremely poorly.Ā She went to hospital and sent me her funeral songs, so I knew it was serious. I joined her at A&E, which then turned to resus, which then turned to ICU. She has Kidney Failure, one is completely dead, the other is a very low percentage capacity. This caused pressure on her heart, which has been weakened too. She had 2 blood transfusions and 3 days of dialysis. It was very triggering for me, as this is the process Kirsty started on, and eventually died while on the dialysis machine. However, I need to be there for Gemma more than ever, especially as her best friend Chantelle, seems to have deserted her. Gemma still is very unwell and theyāre trying to get the balance right for her to live a life on dialysis. So Iām keeping a closer eye on Gemma than every before.Ā Iāve been to see her together, with Julie Mac. Iāve seen my dad and my friend Chris today too.Ā Chris has a new puppy called Cole.Ā Yesterday, Matthew from my Spurs group chat died, and it was a reality check to try and see your important people as much as you can. So thatās what Iām trying to do. On Friday night, 13th October, my friend Keith and I went to a Paul āGazzaā Gascogne, Legends night in Corby.Ā He has been my hero since 1990, when I was 13.Ā I felt very star struck to meet him, but he was an absolutely gent, and I loved speaking to him one to one. Then we have the āevening withā as a whole group. It was such a good night.Ā Iām trying to make the memories, not the excuses. Itās December, Iāve finally finished my Christmas shopping and wrapping (my latest year ever I think).Ā Today, we met at Ianās for a cuppa and some cake, and to give him his birthday presents, and tomorrow weāre going to March, where Josh and Lydia now live, to see him for his birthday. I donāt think I mentioned, that they bought their first house this year.Ā Itās really lovely.Ā Very plain and simple and modern looking inside. In the week, my friend Chris and I went to see James Acaster on stage, live.Ā Iāve loved him for a long time, but I read one of his books on holiday, and heās so hilarious.Ā He lived up to my expectations, and more.Ā I love the dry, witty, sarcastic humour.Ā Last weekend, the childminders (the oneās who, in my opinion, havenāt been very good friends since Covid) and I, went to London for the first of my 3 Christmas parties booked. We actually had a lovely time, and it felt very much like a group, like in the old days.Ā Next Saturday, I have the Millbrook Christmas Party, on the Sunday, Gemma and I are going to a Carol Concert at the Church in town, and then to the Kino for a drink. The following Friday, Iām at a psychic evening with my friend Karla, and on the Saturday, Iām going to The Ritz with some other childminders I know.Ā Iāve organised this one, and Iāve got my mum to come too, to thank her for her help this year.Ā Sheās recently had her other hand operated on, and is recovering.Ā So hopefully by summer, both her hands are working much better. Happy New Year 2024!
I canāt believe Iāve left it so long to update.Ā Having said that, Iāve been really busy, and Iām also expecting Ofsted this year, so Iāve been on online courses, and getting my paperwork up to scratch.
End August 2023, I have paid to join ancestry and have been in touch with my Aunty Terry, Iād love a photo and some more information about my cousin Stephen who died.Ā Theyāre my only way to find out, and theyāre getting on a bit, so I thought Iād make the move. Theyāre in the process of putting information together for me, her and my uncle Mick. Iāll also post some of my traits and dna that came back from my tests. On the 18th August, I ended my relationship with Marcus.Ā He, and a few others, believe I should have just sucked it up and waiting til after our holiday, but I canāt pretend anymore.Ā I still loved him but Iām a realist, and I know itāll never work, there is no future, and if Iām going to be in a relationship, I deserve better.Ā Iād rather be happy and single, than sad and settling for what Iāve got. I asked Marcus if we could try and be friends, as we have Robbie Williams live at Sandringham booked in, and we have our holiday.Ā He said heād try.Ā Since I ended it, heās been horribly angry all the time, he admitted this himself.Ā He said heās angry at himself for not taking action, with the things I said I was unhappy about, in our relationship, and for not making an effort. He said he didnāt want to see me after Robbie, until we went on holiday.Ā I thought this was a crazy idea, become strangers for 5 weeks, and then go on holiday and spend a week together. But I did what he wanted. A few days before holiday, Marcus got in touch and told me heās treated me āmonsterouslyā and how can he make things better?Ā I said there was nothing he could do to make it better, but please just stop making it worse. He said heād make it up to me on holiday, after the way heād been.Ā (I mean genuinely, what was I meant to do?Ā Stay with him so I didnāt make him angry?Ā I ended it in the nicest possible way) My mum also asked me to make sure I was nice to Marcus on holiday, so that when it comes to an end, I can hold my head high and say I did my best. Marcus gave one word answers to everything I spoke about on holiday, he never asked me anything back.Ā He was rude, awkward and abrupt.Ā He constantly walked 5 steps in front of me. He slammed doors, slammed keys down, didnāt use his manners to the hotel staff. It was an absolutely awful holiday, stupid me maybe?Ā But I honestly thought we could be adult enough to go on holiday together as mates, and maybe even have a laugh. His aunty texted me some nasty words, while I was away with him. It secured my feelings that I made the right decision to end the relationship.Ā What a strange family and a weird man he turned out to be. Honestly, looking back on my life, my happiest times have always been when Iām single, and I hope to stay that way forever now.Ā Happy and on my own.

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Some weeks ago, I had a summons to Court to take part in Jury Duty. Because Iām self employed, and because it would be during school holidays, I would have lost hundreds of pounds in income, and let 8 families down, so I declined. This got refused and I was told I could appeal but itās likely theyāll see me in court on 7th August. So, I got some parents to write statements, I wrote an appeal with my main reason being loss of income and having to close my business down, however, I also went down the perimenopause route, and laid it all on thick. From research, and having spoken to several other people, it was highly unlikely Iād be let off. So imagine my delight, when I got the letter to say that on this occasion, Iād be excused. I felt like such a weight off, I had a real anxiety about letting my customers down, and losing so much money. I have just finished my week off work. It was lovely to go to Gosport and see my Uncle Chris. We talked some more about family trees and he saved some information for me on my memory stick. Heās looking well considering heās terminally ill. It was really good to spend time with my mum too, just us. And then yesterday was my 46th birthday. Iāve managed to see all my family over the last few days, and celebrate in various different ways. Last night, spending the evening with my friend Keith, at a Spurs legends night at The Poppies ground. We saw Razor Ruddock. It was a good evening. Iām not really ready to go back to work, so I need to find some motivation from somewhere. Yesterday, my boy Kane was 6. I also joined the free version of ancestry, which is really interesting, and Iāll likely join the paid group at some point. Iāve also ordered a DNA and Traits test, so Iām looking forward to doing that and getting the results. Mum and I have booked Cornwall for New Year, Iāll hopefully get some bucket list things ticked off while Iām there, and itāll be nice to spend more time with my mum and the dog. Marcus has his son for the 3rd New Years Eve running, and Iām not up for child friendly AGAIN! Iāve done my 18 years.
Todayās the 7th August, Iād have been in court this week if I hadnāt won my appeal, so Iām feeling thankful of that. Iām not thankful that 10 days ago, a young lad drove into the back of me, and wrote my car off. No injuries, but the inconvenience of sorting another car out, is mind blowing. My car was meant to last 3 years while I continue minding. Never mind, everyone survived. Today, Iām waiting for the delivery of a courtesy car, and mine is being collected tomorrow, for Wisbech Heaven, so now to find another. I was really upset that Marcus didnāt text or ring me to see if I was ok, when I had the crash. Heās always a āI would have/could have/Should haveā I would have called you but assumed you were ok. Iād have taken you to the cinema to see The Little Mermaid (when Iād asked him 3 times if we can go) Iād have picked you up from the school reunion (When I was already home) I feel like heās not my person, heās never got my back. It makes me sad, but how many chances are you meant to give, before you realise it wonāt get any better? How many red flags should you ignore?
I do feel slightly deceived by Marcus.Ā When I met him, his dating profile showed adventurous photos, and his bio said he supported Tottenham, he's adventurous, spontaneous, he likes hiking, biking, climbing etc.Ā But he's only done anything like that once in 22 months.Ā He doesnāt support Tottenham, his ex family were Spurs fans and he went along to some games, however, I love his enthusiasm when we manage to get to watch a game together.Ā I plan everything, I suggest most things, Iām the organiser.Ā Iām the one to always make the first move with anything.Ā Itās wearing thin.Ā Weāll have to watch this space, but I wont be surprised if I am single by Christmas.
Something lovely this weekend, was I had my beekeeping experience. It was so lovely, really calming. It was also really educational, I loved the whole thing, and would recommend anyone whoās not scared of bees, to have a go. Itās July, itās a Sunday night, and Iāve booked this week off work. I canāt tell you how lovely it feels, knowing the alarm wonāt be going off at 6am for work. Since I last wrote, weāve had Marcus birthday, I have to add here, since Iāve taken his son Junia, out of my life, and since Marcus has really made lots of effort to try harder, weāve been getting on so much better. Iām really pleased. For Marcus birthday, we went to London, and did the Dare Sky Walk and Abseiled off the building, Jake included. Abseiling was a bucket list thing for me, and thatās done now. Marcus loved his present. Speaking of birthday celebrations, on Friday night we had Annmarieās 40th, Iām so pleased she had a good time, sheās had a rough 10 months. Last night we went to Battle Proms at Burleigh House in Stamford. Marcus booked it for an Early birthday day out for me (6 days early). He thought of everything, picnic, set up, the lot. I had such a good time. Anyone who knows me, knows I love all things British, and this is exactly what last night was about, Canonās, Spitfire, Red Devils, music, Union Jacks, English Picnics, horses dressed from all different eras, and ending with Fireworks, which are my favourite. A couple of weeks back, Jakeās Sunday team, Weekly Glebe Titans, won the Weetabix League for the u18s. That was such a good evening. Iāve made Jake a photo book for the pictures from that night. Iāve also booked an Indian for Jakeās 18th at Exotic Dining. Iām hoping to put some money behind the counter, so that my family donāt have to pay too much. On Tuesday am, mum and I are off to Gosport with Kane, to see my uncle Chris and family. Andy (my cousin) is doing us a barbie on Tuesday night, and Chris has asked me to bring a memory stick as heās found out more about my family tree. Itāll be lovely to catch up. Iām beginning to build my savings back up, so itāll be nice to quit childminding, maybe in 2026. Find a new job, and then move house. It feels exciting to have a 3 year plan.