by the grace of god he manages to stop his fidgeting, manages to save an ounce of face, but his facade is close to crumbling, and he feels his body betray him with a treacherous twitch of his lid, a tremble in his lower lip. a part of him scolds him to remain calm, that he should rise above, should not allow his emotions to get the better of him. it was a fine and confusing line to toe, where by day he might play the eccentric theatre owner offering advice and direction to his company and at night he would slip into the role of a picture perfect gentleman, nodding along to idle talk of politics, adjusting his posture and everything about himself down to a hollow laugh.

laurence voice cuts through the silence and sounds as unsteady as edmund feels, and he quickly turns around, blinded by the moon as he wipes a tear from his cheek. a moment passes, a shaky exhale, and he turns on his heel again. "it is a free country. or so i have been told...", edmund murmurs into the quiet dark of the room, entirely unsure what to feel. his heart leaps in his chest. laurence wants to stay. suddenly edmund isn't too sure anymore if he wants to stay, too, or if he might rather run and find another unoccupied room or, better yet, disappear into the gardens never to be seen again.

he considers asking him how he enjoyed the evening, and the hunt, but every question that comes to mind seems so shallow and inappropiate, given the memories that now flood his brain again. before he knows it he's stepped round the desk again, gaze directed at his fingers tracing the edge, and he finds himself awfully close to laurie. edmund doesn't dare look up. "i ... i'd like you to know that i - i don't ... resent you." it feels like a lie, but he knows it is not. how could he ever bear any ill will towards his laurie? "these, uh. well - these things happen. i am not so naive that i thought that, uh, that we would ... " that this would last forever. the words refuse to cross his lips. he swallows, gulps heavily and takes a moment before he continues. "and i. i wish you - i wish you all the ... best." a pained expression crosses his face as he admits it, admits this most obvious lie. oh, how he'd love to direct this tragedy instead of playing an active part in it.

the silence stretches out before them, empty and alien. he considers just how much time they've spent in silence before -- wrapped in bed sheets, fighting sleep or just waking from it bathed in sunlight. the bibliophile within him almost appreciates the juxtaposition proposed as they stand in cooler moonlight. edmund's movement breaks his tense reverie and laurence blinks hard thrice, gaze meandering slowly from the ground to the sudden closeness of edmund's handsome features. he blinks again, this time willing a flood of tears back to their ducts or to at least prevent spillage. it is a fool's errand and he knows it. "i appreciate that more than you can ever know," it is a reassurance, but it hurts more than reassures. the dams have broken as he expected, and laurence fights only to keep his breathing even so that he may respond. bleary eyed and frustratedly wiping tears, he reaches as if to take edmund's hand, but freezes millimeters away, braced for rejection.

"i would never," he chokes on a sob, then clears his throat to return some strength to his voice. "i never meant for any of this to happen. i have not been myself for --," a bark of harsh, wet, humourless laughter. "some time, now... i almost cannot believe i have done this to you, and i am deserving of none of your time, or grace. so, if you refuse to give me even a moment, you would be wholly justified and -- and i would understand. i would not hold it against you as you should be holding this against me. i will not ask your forgiveness and you should not give it."

cane clatters unceremoniously to the floor as he releases it, scrubbing both hands down his face. "i missed you so dearly," whispered as if saying it any louder might shatter the windows around them. if edmund had been any less kind, laurence might have been better equipped to handle the unfolding conversation, but edmund was being as perfect as ever. "it was not naive... i thought it too. i could not comprehend anything else. i am so, so sorry."

JACOB ANDERSON as Louis de Pointe du Lac

the decision to come back to london had been a fairly impulsive decision by millicent - she missed her home, she wanted to go back. it was as simple as that. and because of that, she hadn't had chance to send letters to the people that she loved. she had thought - perhaps foolishly - that she would return to london and everything be how it was before. she had never been an optimist before but with this? she had hoped. oh, how she had been so so wrong.

after the disastrous reunion with benedict, millicent had kept herself hidden for a few days. she was scared that more people would see her and turn their back on her as well. it was why she had avoided going to see laurence.

laurence rosewood was her oldest friend. he had been there for her entire adult life. and he was almost as dear to her as her husband. she knew that she couldn't avoid seeing him for forever. and whilst most of her believed that he would be happy that she was home, there was a small part of her that worried he'd tell her to leave too.

her return to london unannounced was a surprise, but one laurence was nothing but excited for. he might have liked some notice, but millicent could have turned up at the rosewood's doorstep unannounced at any wild hour and he would have welcomed her with open arms. the notice from a footman that she was waiting in the drawing room was greeted with equal excitement. he beamed, uneven steps making surprisingly light work of the space between them. "hello, you. it is so very lovely to see you." unable to contain his joy, laurie reached for and grasped her hands in his own. "i cannot think you missed me half as much as i missed you. how have you been?"

Kit had met Laurie scores of times in his dreams. He found himself retiring early just so he fall asleep and escape into Laurie's arms. The dreams were euphoric, almost crystal clear — until he woke up and rolled over to find an empty bed. He felt intertwined with Laurie in the same way that the moon and the stars were intertwined — brought together by the heavens. However, the night before he called on Laurie, Kit couldn't fall asleep because he could almost taste Laurie — he was divine.

His heart nearly jumped out of his chest when his eyes landed on Laurie. The stars aligned every time they locked eyes, and Kit wondered if the rest of the world felt it, too. Did they feel the tsunami of desire that washed over Kit whenever he saw Laurie smile? Or the earthquake that was his pounding heart when he was simply in Laurie's presence? "Thank goodness," he mused, "I was worried I wouldn't make it here in time before the countless other suitors line up, they're no doubt on their way to capture your heart." He bit on his lower lip in an attempt to hide a wide smile, eyes raking over Laurie slowly, "When that's my goal." Kit had, truthfully, never called on anyone and he felt out of sorts, but when Laurie pressed a kiss to his cheek, his eyes fluttered shut in complete bliss and all his worries vanished. "I wanted to bring you gifts," a lovestruck grin on his lips, "I wanted you to know how worthy and special you are." Kit eagerly followed behind Laurie, letting his hand find Laurie's briefly — brushing his skin against the other's, desperate for his touch. "Terrorizing, hmm?" he quirked a brow, "I must remember to thank her later for giving us a little more privacy." As they walked down the hallway, Kit kept in stride next to the other, once again inhaling his scent of musk and Clary sage — that Kit could've sworn he'd smelt in his dreams of Laurie. Reaching his arm over, Kit placed his hand on the small of Laurie's back as they walked, leaning over to whisper in his ear, "I've chased you in my dreams these last few nights, but nothing compares to the real thing."

"oh, i do not think you need to worry." in fact, laurie was entirely sure of it. for once, his assurance came not only from insecurity, but primarily from the strength of his feelings for kit. they spun his head and had his stomach doing flips like a circus performer he'd seen once. he had never felt more emotionally off balance yet he had never been happier. pleased with the reception his kiss received, he smiled softly and let himself get utterly lost in kit's eyes -- just for a moment. "you were very successful in your endeavour, mister locke." perhaps this was what it was to be truly known. he'd thought he would be uncomfortable with it, but it was turning out not to be the case at all. in fact, he wanted desperately to be known, and in turn to know every inch of kit ; body, mind and soul. the brief touch exchanged sparked then died, and laurie found himself seeking kit's hand once more to offer a squeeze as they walked.

a shiver ran down his spine, kit's warm breath on his neck eliciting a shudder. he stopped just at the door to the drawing room, fingers closing around the other's wrist to remove his hand from his back and staying there once he had done so. head tilted slightly to one side, chin angled upwards. "there should be no more need for chasing -- in dreamland or real." piece said, he led the way into the room and set about placing the gifted flowers in a vase, parcel of treats upon the table. taking a seat on one sofa, long fingers tapped a rhythm on the empty space next to him, inviting kit to sit. laurence would get as close to him as he could for as long as he could -- while the opportunity remained. "do your family know you are here?"

     "brother!"   amelia   calls,   rather   loudly,   as   she   bursts   through   every   single   door   of   their   home.   she   does   not   bother   with   common   decency,   something   she   is   scolded   for   on   a   daily   basis,   but   has   yet   to   care   about   so   far.   "can   i   say   marco   and   you   say   polo?"   she   shouts   again,   wishing   to   bother   him   for   the   day.   when   she   finally   does   find   him,   it   is   in   his   chambers   and   she   has   no   regard   for   barging   in   and   making   herself   at   home   in   his   bed.   flopping   down   on   the   plush   surface,   she   turns   to   face   her   brother,   "have   you   been   hiding   all   day?   or   were   you   specifically   hiding   from   me?   if   so,   i   am   deeply   hurt   and   offended   by   that   since   i   am   most   certainly   your   favorite   sibling." 

Laurie had wonderstruck Kit. Completely left him in awe — unknowingly dragging him headfirst into the warmth of sunlight, of utter yearning and hope. And for the first time in a while, Kit wasn't afraid. He wasn't cowering at the idea of being known. Sure, he feared that Laurie would realize he was worthless and that he deserved much better than Kit. But, he wasn't terrified of being strung along, desperate for a sliver of attention.

The morning they'd returned from the Sinclair's Nottingham estate, Kit was calling on Laurie. He'd spent the night before with the Locke's cook whilst gushing to her about Laurie, helping her make the sweetest treats to bring to Laurie, he had a bouquet of forget-me-nots ( a secret ode to how he desired for Laurie to not forget him ), and tucked in his pocket was a note for Laurie to read once Kit had left.

it was the most restful sleep he'd had in what felt like a decade. an undying warmth had made a home of his chest and given way for an undisturbed night's sleep, brought on by the countless thoughts of kit that filled his head. if he thought hard enough, he could conjure the feeling that the other man was lying next to him. he dreamt only of kit and woke up late, still smiling.

the announcement that kit was calling upon him had laurence wondering if he had woken up at all. he was halfway through buttoning his waist coat to make himself more presentable when kit was led in. he abandoned the pursuit in favour of greeting the other. his cheeks were starting to hurt from all the smiling, but he powered through and beamed. "oh, it is more than alright." his expression grew shy momentarily, gaze cast to the ground before he caught sight of the flowers ( his favourites, which simply had to be fate ) and the parcel. "you did not have to--," a soft chuckle. "bringing just yourself would have been plenty, you know." graciously accepting the presents, he admired the flowers and wondered what he could possibly have done to deserve such treatment. in way of thanks, he stretched slightly to place a chaste kiss on kit's cheek. "i had them make tea in the other drawing room for us. my sister is in this one terrorising men of the ton." he gestured for kit to follow him down the vast hallway.

Where: After the Whistledown Papers

Cora tried not to put any stock in the Whistledown Papers. Since a young age she'd always preferred to make her own mind up about people rather than be swayed. A stubborn trait it had certainly gotten her into bother before. However, it had also led her to the most fruitful of friendships.

Despite this though she couldn't help the worm of worry that was burrowing in her chest since she'd read her nephew's small section. Eventually she decided that ignoring it would not make the worry pass and so she went to find him, knocking gently on the door before she entered.

laurence had not even read a whistledown paper before his name had appeared in its print. he cared little for gossip of any kind and even less so for the damaging comments so often contained within the rag. it was unpleasant to have gone from blissful ignorance, to scanning the thing in desperate search of one's family name in fear of it having been raked through the mud. he was a little relieved to see they had been left largely unscathed this time -- but made a mental note to check on sophie even so.

he had been trying to read a different sort of pamphlet when the knock at the door came, much to his surprise. he sat up a little straighter as cora revealed herself, features painted with confusion. it was entirely unfair -- borderline cruel -- but he almost laughed at her final question. was he alright? goodness, had he been since the end of the war? the simplest answer was no. but he would not burden his family with talk of it. "i have read them... this is about the family doctor mention, i assume?" a kindly, appreciative smile blossomed.