the fandom of my dreams

A poignant slice-of-life, coming-of-age story that is both fluffy and gritty

This show opened me up like a badly patched wound filled with layers of multi-generational trauma XD I've literally cried throughout at least half of it (and it's 24 eps, so that's kind of a lot). The vibe the director was going for seemed fluffy on the outside and gritty on the inside, which the leads captured perfectly.

I felt, at times, it should've gone deeper into the messed-up mental territory that we got hints of with the way Jiang Qiaoxi unraveled and ditched his whole math path and threw it all in his mother's face and nearly killed himself right in front of his parents. There was obviously much more heavier stuff going on that made him do all this, but it was acted out with enough tension to convey all that we didn't see - emotionally, as an aftermath of his suppressed life, which he spent living in the shadow of his dead brother.

I don't think that in reality this type of childhood/teenage romance would have survived throughout the years (like, really, a girl has to move on with her life and not dwell on a mess of a man who makes the best choices that he can at the moment, which are iffy, but still his, but he doesn't make her a part of his life for various reasons, so). Ghosting just sucks so bad, no matter how you look at it. The way Yingtao broke when she finally found him in HK - anyone would develop abandonment issues after years of living like this. My heart bled for both of them, although for different reasons.

But thankfully, it is a work of fiction, and while some grown-up part of me was rolling eyes and hoping Lin Yingtao would choose herself first and foremost, and not spend half a life chasing a guy, however brilliant and beloved he might be, still, another part of me, which believes heavily in soulmateism and Love Eternal (at least in shows :D) wanted to see them getting back together and having the happy ending they both obviously deserved (she - for the resilience and love and care and having to wait for him for so long, and he - for that shackled life he spent living not as himself and then entered adulthood in quite a messy way, leaving friends and family behind).

I mean, my heart ached for them throughout the whole show. I don't know what they secretly mixed in it, maybe it was Zhang Linghe acting his heart out as if he was in some top-tier family drama that would be nominated for something grand, or their absolutely sweet chemistry with Zhao Jinmai, or quite effortless storytelling with dreamy visuals and a nostalgic vibe, telling the stories of friendships and growing up and changing, but always staying true to yourself… Something worked, something clicked, and I was devoured by the freaking story from head to toe, which is rare for me and modern-ish shows.

Lin Yingtao's character is all sorts of bubbly and sweet and hopeful, and that's probably the only type of character that could survive through such an ordeal of growing up, studying, parting with her friends, never losing her hope in life, and ultimately hunting down her boyfriend no matter how hard he tried to avoid meeting her.

Jiang Qiaoxi is all sorts of messed-up and probably needed a few years of therapy before getting into any kind of relationship, but life pushed him further and harder still. I totally get why he was the way he was, but it didn't make Yingtao's suffering any less. Their reconciliation arc was bittersweet with some heavy psychological stuff, the show just served me my heart on a plate and made me eat it up XD

Also a few points:

great supporting characters with their own heartbreak and stories

cute depiction of female friendship and rivalry

actually, the whole teenage arc was very-very wholesome with all the necessary topics covered

boys x girls childhood friendship and the complications that may arise later - also fully covered

different types of parenting - I loved that, apart from showing various issues and an obviously messed-up family of Jiang Qiaoxi, we also got to see the loving and accepting parents of Yingtao, and how she turned out to be due to that supporting environment

I loved everything about this show, really, despite wallowing in pain for the most part of it XD

— “i once saw the most breathtaking sunset clouds here. crimson, blazing, glorious. i think that's what your name was meant.”

“every time i call your name, i can only remember the sunset clouds in qunshan. they belong to you. i did introduce them to you. and you can’t return them. even if you tried, i wouldn’t take it.”

“even though the sunset is beautiful, it disappears too quickly. i should have taken you to see the sunrise. but in that case your name wouldn’t be jiang qiaoxi, it would have to be jiang qiaodong.”

“the sunset never really disappears. it’s just on its way back. and when we see it again, it has become the sunrise.”

“welcome home, jiang qiaoxi”

I see no difference - the loving gaze full of longing when the women are not looking - the ultimate world champions in downbadism and loserism, being total suckers for the women they love.

They are their wives' greatest defenders and they would be BBFs, two chaebols with legal teams at their disposal, united in their exasperation, need to protect and love their strong but troublesome wives.