i'll tumbl for ya...

I’m so sorry

This…this is so dumb. It makes me so happy. 

This is the best thing I’ve ever done. 

Dear Dylan,

Last week, a boy very publicly told me on social media that he was interested in me and had been for a while. We talked and started texting but he takes forever to reply and he makes little to no effort to communicate with me. So I’m confused on where he stands. I like him, but should I back off or keep making the effort?

-Flummoxed

Dear Flummoxed,

Oh hell no. Fuck this. FUCK THIS GUY. WHO THE FUCK HAS TIME FOR THIS? YOU SURE THE FUCK DON’T. 

Look, maybe he’s fucking “shy” or whatever or fucking “doesn’t know how to talk to you ‘cause he likes you so much” or I don’t give a fuck. Men who cannot be bothered to express interest in the people they’ve half-assedly started pursuing can go fuck themselves right the fuck off. Maybe it’s a mind game, maybe it’s just laziness, maybe I DON’T GIVE TWO SHITS BECAUSE HE NEEDS TO FUCKING WOMAN UP AND FUCKING COMMUNICATE.

I have dated shy men, or men who were afraid of coming on too strong. I have also dated, or tried to date, lukewarm wet-noodle pieces of shit who could not be bothered to respond to a fucking text or make fucking plans with me. Here is the very important difference between these two types of men: with the first one, even if you have to make the first move, they respond to interest with interest. Once the thing is in motion, you won’t have to wonder if they like you. With the second one, they will always keep you guessing, always have you tearing your hair out, wondering why this interaction feels so one-sided. They will waste your time for months if you let them. DO NOT LET THEM.

Ask if you guys can meet up. Once you’ve put the question out there, the ball is in his court to make the meeting happen. This does not mean ignore him or pretend you’re unavailable or any of that mindfuck bullshit from The Rules. Just create a situation where he has to woman up and make a meeting happen. If he doesn’t follow up, if he cannot accomplish this miniscule fucking task, DELETE THIS FUCKER’S NUMBER. You are a human, not a yo-yo. You deserve better than to always wonder where you stand.

AND THAT FUCKING GOES FOR ALL OF YOU OUT THERE. DELETE THAT FUCKER’S NUMBER. DELETE DELETE DELETE.

GENTLEMEN WHO RECOGNIZE YOURSELVES HERE: You’re killin me, Smalls. Do better, OK?