totally shush

when someone talks to you, finds out you’re in a relationship, and then promptly stops talking to you. fucked up. 

wanting to go to lua’s grave but also wanting to live in this weird bubble of self-denial that I’ve been in for almost three years. I didn’t want to believe she existed. then when she finally did exist it was only for a few hours. and now it’s like she was never there...but I know she was because I can feel where she would have been in my heart. the missing part.

I’m a motherfucking BOYFRIEND now, bitches. 

oh god, I don’t think I can do this...he’s going to say no or some shit.

I keep getting drunk on really disgusting alcohols. 

feeling your disinterest and it kind of sucks. 

Having Charli here is great because now I can fucking have some fun.

I’d die right this second if it meant I could hold you again. But I don’t trust God enough to make that happen. 

i fucking miss you

I feel like I’m putting myself out there but I also feel like I’m stopping myself from other things. Maybe I want to go out for a wild night with Charli, maybe I want to have an orgy back in Maryland, maybe I wanna not give a fuck about anything for a while...but I can’t stop myself from giving a fuck.

I'm a mess lmao