lauren

I’ve never seen any sort of representation for this/my disorder until I checked the trich tag on here and seeing all of these posts have really made me cry, you guys are all amazing ❤️

It’s left me ashamed and insecure for 6 years now, and I’ve never even been diagnosed because I lied to my doctor about the real reason I had a massive bald spot on my head. To shed some light on this, and also because I’ve never expressed how much this has affected me, here are some of my thoughts and feelings and the way I’ve been affected:

• I’ve never been to a hairdresser, and I don’t think I will anytime soon. I use the excuse of not having money, and then I cut my own hair. I don’t even want to think about the look the hairdresser will give me when they see my extremely thin and uneven hair. I will never get my hair cut.

• I don’t care anymore when someone says “ew” after I’ve told them I pull out my hair. It doesn’t faze me. I understand it’s unattractive and weird to most people. When I first showed my friends my bald spot in grade 6, they screamed and ran away. It doesn’t affect me.

• I can’t wear my hair in a ponytail. I don’t want to be seen with those two triangles of thinning hair, therefore my hair is always down.

• My family will casually tell me to “stop touching your hair” when they see me pulling. I’ve gotten to the point where I just respond by saying, “no.”

That’s the hard part about it. My family doesn’t understand that I can’t stop that easily. I do it all the time. When I’m stressed, bored, or when I’m out with friends, I will always at some point pull out strands of hair. I was pulling my hair while writing this. Now, I’ve accepted the fact that I will most likely pull my hair out forever, so I never try to stop my urges anymore. It’s an awful mindset to have.