scumbag steve said hi and i died but i‘m fine

like several months

and now i’m single, have been for a couple months now, and my best friend is leaving for school on sunday, and i’m lonely, and i don’t have a job anymore, and i barely know what to do with myself, and

i want someone to hold me and to love me and to tell me that i am someone and i am someone that is loved and that i can let go and know that they’ve got me, and

why can’t i just be happy, and loved, and in love, and at peace, and

ten days left of school

let’s all say it together

online school?

not extremely difficult

am i still struggling?

yes

why?

untreated ADHD and depression made me their bitch and have made themselves my god and i am forced to bow down at their will.

b u t

y k n o w

i’m trying my best to be okay but, yknow, things happen

i broke up w. my boyfriend last sunday bc it was an unhealthy relationship and he was constantly making me feel guilty for doing very human things (late to hang out, can’t hang out bc of a busy schedule, forgetting to text him back, etc.) and ngl i had a dream this morning that i saw him and he said “i’m so glad we’re getting back together!” and i said to him “we aren’t” and he started crying and i just left. i’m done with his bullshit.

my friend is leaving for the navy at the beginning of september and ik there’s a lot of time between then and now but i’m losing my mind because i don’t know what i’ll do when he’s gone

my best friend’s dad is getting remarried on saturday and i honestly want to break his nose because he lowkey kinda ruined my best friend’s life (in a way) and he’s honestly just been nothing but an asshole to her since he divorced her mom. he is a sad excuse for a father, if you can even call him that.

i’ve started losing interest in more and more stuff, and i think it’s interesting that they say that a sign of depression is losing interest in activities that you enjoy, when it’s also loss of interest in general activities that you didn’t mind doing before. i can barely do my work during my classes, i’ve lost interest and motivation to actually be present (mentally) in my classes.

“she feels bad for everything”

it’s confusing but my friend just found out last night that a girl he hooked up w. a few months ago had a miscarriage fairly recently and it was his, and he’s torn up about it and it’s tearing me apart seeing him go through all of this

tried to fix it with my friend

she said “i forgive you” and then basically said “but i’m still cutting you out of my life because you’re the worst and this can’y be mended”

she was like “i want us to be on good terms”

good terms isn’t telling me that it’s all my fault and that you forgive my for MY faults and then REFUSING to admit that you were at fault

it’s a snow day because snow and ice

but i like just want to do something

idk like the things i want to do i can’t, for whatever reason, and so now i don’t know how to make up for the fact that i can’t do what i want to do

but, a list of things i want to do:

go swimming (need i explain)

go sledding (no one to sled with)

watch scooby doo mystery incorporated with my boyfriend (rodes are too icy for driving)

go see a movie (i’m broke)

go shopping (i’m broke)

bake something (there is nothing stopping me aside from the fact that i don’t think my parents would appreciate me baking when there aren’t enough people to eat baked goods (my parents are gluten/dairy free), but also i don’t like washing all the dirty dishes)