Last lines of Tim Dowling's Guardian Weekend column

August 26, 2017, ‘I can’t find the mustard, and I seem to be in everyone’s way’

August 19, 2017, “Do I know enough Italian to bribe a shirtless man?”

August 12, 2017, “Will I be fluent in Italian by the time my plane lands?”

August 5, 2017, “A tale of two doorbells”

April 29, 2017, “I step on the cat again, it makes a noise I’ve never heard before”

March 4, 2017, “Who’s the woman in my bed?"

February 25, 2017, “‘The dog is lying in a pool of its own vomit, like a rock star’”

February 18, 2017, “‘Cutlery shouldn’t be made from more than one thing’”

February 11, 2017, “‘How are you enjoying the break,’ I ask my wife. She shudders”

February 4, 2017, “I’m away, so my wife has time to decide whether to leave me”

January 28, 2017, “I’m being made up as a woman. I thought I’d be prettier”

January 21, 2017, “‘I’m leaving you,’ my wife says, ‘I’ve had enough’”

January 14, 2017, “Me and my stupid New Year’s resolution”

January 7, 2017, “There’s a crowd in my kitchen”

December 31, 2016, “My year in numbers”