jet black heart

He held back an annoyed groan, not wanting to have to move an inch from his boyfriend. It was a term of endearment, he hadn’t ever used it to their face but when speaking with his family, it was what he naturally called them.  It just felt right in his mouth, it rolled off his tongue with an ease he wasn’t familiar with. Even in calling his own family, family, it had never felt such a way, the perfect explanation of what they were to him. Calling his uncle, Uncle Iroh, was something that didn’t even feel fitting, he had always been more like a father than anything. But boyfriend implied the idea that there was a place for Jet in his life, and it was true, there was. He hoped there always would be.

He rolled his eyes, “You mean I might as well choose something?” Zuko resisted the urge to kiss him and get rid of the grin, “How about shrimp? That’s easy.”

“Sounds good, babe,” Jet said with a grin, slipping off the counter and onto the floor even as they had just climbed up, unable to resist the urge to wrap themself around Zuko’s back. They stuck their nose in the hollow of his throat, not quite cold, but certainly not as warm as Zuko’s constant body temperature of thirty thousand fucking degrees. Their left hand slipped up his shirt comfortably, as if they had done it a thousand times and it almost felt as if they had. Zuko’s apartment was just so much home as the apartment Jet shared with Smellerbee and Longshot, warm and relaxed now that they had gotten more knickknacks for Z’s minimalist shelves. 

He wondered why he bothered asking anymore, they always claimed that they didn’t care much when it came to food. Zuko thought he could offer the worst dish that popped into his head and Jet would still be satisfied with it. But, at this point, spending time mulling over what to eat before having to ultimately make a choice for the both of them had added a sense of normalcy to his life that he hadn’t ever imagined himself having. In fact, everything about being in a relationship with Jet made things feel just right. Zuko had long reached a point where he couldn’t imagine his life without the other at his side, their hand intertwined with his own.

“Hmm, something easy.” He mumbled back, his smile growing slightly at the sound of their voice, “I don’t feel much like making something complicated.”

Jet sighed, knowing that their partner wouldn’t be getting up without the encouragement of Jet rising with him. They almost couldn’t bring themself to say boyfriend, even in the confines of their mind, because boyfriend is permanence and love all packed into a pretty word, and partner just means you go together like a set, and that’s Zuko, even if the other thing is too. They had had this boy, this beautiful boy with a smile like midnight sun and laughter like music notes, and they adored him within an inch of his life. They stood from their seat and pulled Zuko up with them, dragging their partner into his own kitchen, hopping onto the counter. 

Zuko stole a glance at the other, a small smile spreading on his face at just the sight of them. Despite having the luxury of having doing so for the past months, just looking at Jet was enough to put him in a good mood. He leaned over, slowly placing a kiss on their cheek before resting his head on their shoulder. He reveled in this feeling and ever since Zuko had been in a relationship with them he had considered himself truly happy, more so than he had ever been before. He had learned to relax just a tiny bit and he rarely found himself all that flustered around them anymore, he was just used to their presence.

A satisfied sigh escaped his lips, feeling surprisingly peaceful. “What do you want to make tonight?” // @lastlaogai

Jet placed a kiss, soft, on the top of Zuko’s head as he leaned against their shoulder, letting the warmth flow through themself without questioning it, without needing to dissect it. The safety on Zuko’s couch was so unfamiliar to them with the two had first started dating, but they were getting used to it. There was about a hundred jokes, each dirtier than the last, that ran through Jet’s mind at Zuko’s words. They didn’t say any of them, knowing that their boyfriend wouldn’t appreciate their excellent sense of humor, even if it was in fact excellent. They nosed against his hair. 

Despite knowing completely what he was about to get into, it still didn’t prevent him from feeling a little ill at the sickly sweet smile the other offered. He figured that they thought he was coming to perhaps take them up on a previous offer that he had vehemently declined. Zuko still in fact had no interest in such matters but he also was not particularly close enough with anyone else to ask them to offer him aid. Not that he was exactly on great terms with Jet at the moment, but they didn’t hate him which was more than he could say for most.

Zuko took a small breath, preparing himself for the onslaught of teasing that would certainly come, “I hate to ask this, but I was wondering if I could stay here for the night?”

It was hard to ignore the disgust he knew Zuko was feeling, if only because he knew it would keep him further from his goal; many thought that because he was an incubus, Jet had no heart to give away, including himself for a long time. Then, a mage made of magic and fire had stumbled into his home, brash and afraid all at once, and Jet knew exactly what people said when they spoke of love at first sight. He had never loved in a romantic way before Zuko, and yet all it had taken was meeting the mage to never want to see him harmed. Jet sighed at the request, wishing that Zuko were comfortable enough just to ask it of him, rather than to preface it with a half apology. 

Zuko’s fists curled at he let out a low sigh, sparks flickering off of his fingertips as smoke rose from the ground beneath his feet, a warning sign he was allowing his anger to get out of control. He had reason for it of course and while it was partly the reason he was even walking in the first place it was also partly due to the location he was headed. He didn’t particularly want to be going there, but he was simply at a loss of where else to go. After raising his hand he banged on the door, a few short successive knocks, and waited for the door to open up. Once it did his frown deepened, “Hello.” // @lastlaogai

There wasn’t much to Jet’s little house. It was a simple building with five rooms to it: a combined kitchen and living room, a bathroom, and three bedrooms. He had the rooms to be spares for the other incubi and succubi he knew, especially the younger ones, because despite the fact that they were just kids, no one else would let them stay. He was sitting in the living room when there were three short, hard knocks on his door, getting him off of his ass with a quickness. He was pleased but concerned with who he found at his door; regretfully, he knew that Zuko would never come to him of his own volition. 

Their answers came as a surprise for a multitude of reasons, the first of the two because Jet always seemed to know what they were doing on these dates, they were so relaxed, that he figured they had to have more experience with it. Zuko didn’t see anything wrong with their answer, he didn’t seem them as any less for the number of how many they had been with, or really, for not knowing that number at all. But it was the second answer that he couldn’t help but to focus on, he felt a mix of confusion and jealousy because he didn’t understand and he didn’t think he ever would. He hardly ever saw his parents interact and when they did, it wasn’t positive. It wasn’t a marriage of love or affection and Zuko wondered what it would have been like had it been one. He couldn’t fathom what it would be like to have parents that loved each other or to even want to be like your parents. He wanted to be happy for them, grateful that they never had to experience a family life like his own but it was difficult to get past that initial longing for something he would never have. Zuko tried to swallow it down and offered an attempt at a smile, “Don’t be sorry. I like it, I like getting to learn more about you.”

Zuko’s foot tapped as he considered the question, silent for a minute as he attempted to think of an answer. He had told himself he’d answer with the first thing that popped into his head but when his first thought was learning everything about Jet, he blushed before the words came out and instead quickly blurted out the second thing that came to mind, “Language.” He was fluent in more than one, a part of growing up as a royal, but he wished he knew more. “I would want to be able to learn multiple all at once and become fluent in them without needing to take the time to do so.” He explained. “As for my favorite flower, I prefer cape jasmine. They’re simple but beautiful and they remind me of something my uncle would love. I also don’t know a whole lot about different kinds of flowers and it’s one of the few I do know.” Zuko admitted sheepishly. Another reason why he loved them so much was that they didn’t remind him of home, they didn’t even grow there, they tended to just make him think of a fresh start or a new beginning.

Zuko’s fingers drummed on the table quietly as he tried to come up with more questions, he paused, his hand hovering over the table for just a second as an idea popped into his head and he let it drop. “If you could choose to be any age forever, what age would it be? And…” He paused once more, licking his lips to get rid of the grease that remained on them from the street tacos before continuing, “What is something that you have done or tried before that you would never do again?”

Zuko's watery smile made Jet want to never speak again, never burden him with the wars that Jet kept just beneath his skin. His past was an armor that he could never take off, no matter how many times someone tried to remind him that the war was over. Language. That was exactly like Zuko, Jet thought, wanting to understand everyone at once, wanting to know what everyone was saying and to be a bridge between peoples. Jet had gone through a flower phase in the past couple of years, learning what he could because it was something that he never could have been interested in during the war, beautiful and soft and nothing like bomb shells nor fire. Cape Jasmine was white, a soft flower, a kind of gardenia that came from hotter or wetter climates. It took Jet a few seconds to remember what it meant, but he was happy to when he did - trust and hope. Fitting. "That sounds like you," Jet laughed, not designating which answer he was speaking about, mostly because he meant both.

What would Jet never do again? What would Jet like to leave behind and never think about, abandon in the dust of a person who was something else that he could never be again, what would he have liked to have never done? An onslaught of memories took over his mind all at once, making him feel slightly sick, but he pushed them away like he always did on good days; on bad days, he couldn't even shift his focus, let alone push the old things out of his mind entirely. He felt like he had more good days since meeting Zuko, but he couldn't put that much of his hinging sanity on Zuko's shoulders, even in his own mind. Zuko didn't deserve the responsibility when he already seemed so sad, seemed to have been through so much that Jet could not imagine, even with his own experiences, and he couldn't depend on Zuko for that. Jet tried not to follow the movement of Zuko licking his lips, but it was distracting, in a million and one ways. What age would Jet be forever? "I don't think that I've gotten to the age I'd wanna be forever yet. There are so many things I haven't gotten to do yet, and it... I don't mind getting older. As for what I would never do again... have you ever free jumped out of a plane? My recommendation is, well, not doing that," Jet finished with a grin, shrugging one shoulder.

There was so much he wanted to say in response to their answer, so much that he wished he knew just how to say. But he didn’t know how, so he stayed silent. He couldn’t imagine Jet breaking anything unless it was just in some clumsy accident but from the way they said it, he didn’t think that was the case. In fact, everything they said seemed to have deeper meaning than just cars or simple items. He wanted to tell them that they had to have been good at fixing things because Zuko felt like they were fixing him. Zuko was still a little broken, he thought he always would be, but he didn’t feel as broken around Jet. Moments like this, simple dates and conversations that held much more weight to them than one would think if they were simply listening in, they made things right. They made him happy and he wondered if he continued to spend time with Jet, that maybe one day his thoughts wouldn’t be a scattered mess of old memories.

Zuko gave a small nod and forced himself to look impassive, it was something that hurt to think about, as most things from that time period did, but he didn’t want Jet thinking that they had upset him. “Yes. I dated a girl named Mai when I was younger, but it was a confusing time for me. I don’t know if either of us truly ever loved each other, she was a friend from childhood and at first, the relationship was nice. But I was absent, both physically and emotionally, and I’m not sure she ever cared much for me or how I felt. She didn’t like people, I think she just hated me less than most. Our families were close, it made sense at the time but when things started to get complicated with the war, we broke it off.” Zuko didn’t blame her for it and he didn’t dislike her either, he cared about her, just not in the way he did for Jet. He worried he was oversharing, it was personal and Jet had asked a simple question, not to hear a drawn out story. It was one of the things Mai always told him to stop doing when they spoke. “I’ve never really thought about kids, I guess I’m not opposed to having them one day, I just wouldn’t want to ruin them.” He didn’t know why he was being so honest, why he was allowing for himself to be so vulnerable and open but Jet tended to make him feel completely comfortable with telling them everything. They almost made him want to tell them everything.

Zuko decided to follow the trend that Jet’s questions were starting to follow and he blurted out the question before he could stop himself, “Have you ever thought about settling down, getting married?” He wasn’t trying to imply that he wanted to get married, but Jet seemed like the type to avoid commitment and Zuko wanted to know if that was really the case, “And…how many people did you date before me?” He got the feeling Jet had probably been with others before and he couldn’t help but be curious of how many.

Zuko did this thing with his face, hardly recognisable (if one wasn't staring directly at him with an embarrassing amount of intensity), which was that he carefully blanked out all expressions when he was, presumably experiencing an emotion he didn't want to show on his face, thus showing that he didn't want to show it. Jet only noticed because, as mentioned, he was focusing on Zuko without a singular moment taken to consider how looking so intensely interested in what Zuko said might make the other uncomfortable, or feel some sort of nervous. That, and he figured that Zuko was likely going to be nervous if Jet looked as much as wanted or if he didn't, so he might as well get his fill of the pretty boy. Jet's eyebrows immediately went up at Zuko's choice of question, though not for the reason that Jet knew everyone immediately assumed about him. He had always wanted to be like his parents, to be safe and secure and in love, but he didn't quite know how to say that. Things like that always made him stumble over his words uncharacteristically, and he had to think before speaking now just not to stutter.

"I'm going to answer out of order," Jet prefaced, because one question was much easier than the first. "How many people have I dated? None. How many people have I been with, now that's an entirely different question. I need you to not... look too much into this, or to take it upon yourself as if it's a reflection of your own character, but... I don't know how many people I've been with. You're the first person that I've done the dates and the dances and the hand holding with, the first person I've ever let myself be... soft for, I guess. That's just how it is," Jet stopped, looking down at the table not with shame, but with a kind of strange guilt that he knew he shouldn't have. He should never feel guilty about things that happened before he even met Zuko, but some part of him does, and it would not silence itself. He pushed it out of his mind. "As for marriage? It's... it's nearly all I ever wanted, when I was a kid. I wanted to be just like my parents, with the love and the hugging and being all affectionate and stuff. When I got older, it got harder to want that stuff, because everything was so complicated but... I think that's still what I want."

Autumn.  He had loved the summer, always had, but it reminded him of home. Reminded him of how some days during the war, it felt impossible to breath with the heat and flames and the remains of towns and families that had been decimated by the very army he fought with. He still enjoyed the weather of summer the most but the memories that came with it weren’t always pleasant. But autumn had always felt more peaceful. He hummed quietly at the mention of hobbies, “I don’t do much,” He admitted with a small laugh, “You already know about dance and when I’m not with someone or if I’m not working I tend to be doing that. Some days I’m in the mood to read and I’ll sit down with a book but I tend to keep busy with people.” It made it so that he was rarely stuck alone with just his thoughts.

Zuko paused at the question of gifts, he hadn’t really started receiving them until recently. Growing up, there was nothing he wanted, at least in terms of material possessions, that he didn’t already have and his father certainly hadn’t given him gifts in celebration for everything. “There was a time Sokka made this terrible painting of all of us together and I guess the others helped out with it a little bit too. They gave it to me for my birthday and even though it wasn’t anywhere close to being a perfect painting, I loved it. They were all so excited about it when they gave it to me and when it happened, it was the happiest I had been in a long time.” He had never truly felt like he was a part of something before, never felt like anyone truly cared about him being there. For most of his life he felt like there was hardly anyone who even cared for him at all, let alone someone who wanted to be his friend. He still had the painting, as terrible as it looked, hanging up on the wall of his bedroom. On the days things got hard, it was easy to glance at it and remind himself that here, he was never truly alone.

He wracked his brain for questions as he finished up his tacos before wiping his hands on a napkin, not entirely used to the greasy food. “What do you like most about your job?” He was always a bit intrigued about their work, it was so different from anything he had done before, “And what is your favorite memory?”

Jet liked listening to Zuko talk. It wasn't that Jet didn't like to talk (which he didn't, particularly), or that he liked listening to people in general talk about anything at all (though often times he did), it was just that Zuko seemed to mean everything he said as vehemently as any promise, as if even the smallest thing was unbearably important. He also talked very much like he didn't like himself, which Jet didn't like that shit at all, but he would allow it for the sake of not interrupting Zuko every six point five seconds with a comment of Zuko not being nice to himself. For now, Jet could be nice enough for both of them and hope for the best; he wasn't really a wishful thinking kind of person, but he thought he could be, given a little more time hanging out with this little ball of sunshine. He considered Zuko's questions evenly, with much more focus that he would typically allow himself, but it wasn't as if Zuko had asked about anything bad; good memories were easy. So long as he didn't ask about the bad memories, they should be fine.

"My job?" Jet asked rhetorically, giving a pause to think about how to word it best as he tapped a finger against his chin. "I like fixing shit. When I was younger it felt like I broke shit all the time, and now that I'm a really, real adult with a really, real adult job, I like that I get to spend my day fixing up things. It just feels like what I should be doing," he explained, realising that he had gone too far in his explanation about fifteen words in, but it wasn't like he could just stop. He wouldn't lie to Zuko, not when he could tell the truth safely and happily and just give his truths away now. He wasn't a spy anymore. "My favorite memory is probably... when Longshot taught us how to dance for the second time. I told you about the first time, drunk and laughin' and shit, but the second time, ey were tryin' really hard to be serious about it, and me and Bee were bein' little shits about it, and Teo was tryna tell us how to dance like he's ever danced and it was just a really good afternoon. It was a good time."