Today you were angry. I had you push down your feelings while we were in my workplace because of embarrassment, shame, not feeling like a good enough parent for my son to be speak to their little sibling in a way that upset me. The behavior opposes everything I've taught you from younger years with patience, kindness, gentleness and an acceptance for crying. I did not model the right things for you today.
Tonight im disappointed in myself. Time and time again as you get older son, its more difficult to model everything from your younger years that came so naturally before. The truth is I don't honor all my emotions, especially anger, frustration, sadness. And thats where my shame kicks in. Ive been projecting it on you.
With a push from your little sibling, the child who pushes boundaries in ways that are new to me, I've pushed myself to learning more about kids, how your brains develop and that repetition is normal. Ive been learning that you dear love may be a people pleaser. You are so magnificently Yourself, and in a few ways you are painfully like me. I have unawarely taught you these things.... I've recently realized these wounds . Im responsible for healing me so we can heal together now. I love you, and im sorry its takien so long for you to have the better version of your parent. I love you no matter what feelings you have, you are not responsible for my emotions or reactions. Only I am responsible for my emotions and reactions.
**Needs to consider that haven't been met***(for all of us)
Do you need a quiet place because you're overstimulated?
Do you need to move your body around?
~~Tomorrow I will extend grace to me
My body will "wake up" when im triggered. I can practice acknowledging this and say, "This is not an emergency, we can separate and come back to this" then follow through with deep breathing in another location.
~~Tomorrow I will extend grace to Oldest
I can take him on a short walk to remove them from the situation. I will validate their frustration and anger and whatever other feelings they may have. I will not speak when I feel defensive. Walking will help us calm down and once we are both calm, I can ask them what concrete solution they can come up with.
If they say "i don't know" I will have them write on their phone and give them some time to do so. No forced apologies. They are having a hard time, not giving me a hard time.
