IS THIS WHAT MOVING ON FEELS LIKE? never being able to drink without crying about you, meeting cute boys and asking them if they’ve ever cheated on their girlfriends and what their worst relationships looked like instead of talking about school or their jobs, asking them to kiss the sadness from my lips after i just dumped all of my baggage into their laps; i wish i could have a conversation about something that didn’t turn into me choking back tears, wish i could just let loose and have fun without making everything so serious, wish i could stop running into your friends at the bar and asking them if they hate me and asking them if they hate me and asking them if they hate me because i am so afraid because you didn’t, nobody will value me and i’m just so tired of jumping into anything that makes me feel something and scaring boys away because i love too deeply. i’m tired of ruining every potential relationship i could’ve had because i still think i belong to you, imagining your hands on me when they touch me, imagining your lips on me when they talk to me - everything makes me think of you and it makes every conversation i have end with me spitting up blood and i hate it, i hate what you did to me, i hate that i’m still not over this even though i know i should be. i hate that you moved on so easily and i’m still struggling to talk to boys without crying.

“We don’t age with years, we age with scars. Scars that reminds us of the things we’ve conquered with fear, with love, and with pain. Scars that reminds us that nothing in this world comes easy, but ultimately everything heals through time.”

Today, I learned an important lesson from my therapist.