Rain

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I feel like my car. I lunge forward and stall every so many feet. Migraines keep me away from activities that require deep concentration; chess, checkers, teaching activities, peer support activities. It makes life difficult for me. Not being able to do the things I enjoy takes a lot out of me, and want to face death, a natural death, not a suicide.  My orange love keeps me alive by letting me petting and holding it.   I keep words appearing on my computer screen. I still want to dance with Death for she is my finance. Soon I will be with her full time. In meanwhile, I'll settle for a short- term relationship like dancing, kissing, and hold each other tight.  I do long for Death. Name a poet, who doesn't long for death. But in a different way than I do. Other poets don't have her as finance, but I do. I envy the dead poets, for she took them on their last dance.  I can’t wait for many dances with Death.  Our love knows no bounds and our blood, poetry, and words keep us connected. Together we are immortal and forever. It’s for peace, not war, that we stand for. I stand on the tallest cliff, turn into a black crow and fly to keep the peace. The wind blows.  The tree branches feel the wind and do nothing. Death watches the crow. She knows that the crow is me. I now can hear the music of nature. I no longer stutter like a human but fly with smooth and grace like a crow. I’m one with nature,

I change my name from Suicide to Life.

I change my name from No Hope to Be Having Hope.

In the past, I drifted into the darkness and hopelessness held me. Now I discover hope and float into the light and hope holds me.  Before I didn’t have dreams or goals, for Death controlled my future for me.  Today, life controls my destiny as I realize

I do have a future.  I look at myself and change my name, so I see a bright future from Suicide to Recovery.

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Somehow, I survive through the months

of darkness and blurriness of the mind

and body. I live under the power of vertigo.

I stand waving in the still of being there

and not being there. I feel dizziness

of the mind and hope for the fuzziness

to go away. I look up toward Heaven,

for an answer. I ask, “Am I going to survive?

and do I want to survive?” I start sleeping

earlier and taking night medication earlier.

It worked.  Everything cleared up.  Vertigo gone

and I learned to survive once again.

Illness not only weakness the body.  It weakness the soul.

Cancer eats the body and soul. Eyes sees and remembers lifeless

bodies held by families. Their tears water their loved ones’ memorials. AIDS brings loneliness when they suffer as their body breaks down with purple and black marks on their bodies.  Dreams become broken when Lady Death invades people’s lives.

Sometime people overcome illness with willpower, hope and faith.