“You’ve made your choice. I won’t hold it against you, truly. Time will tell. It will tell you whether was it the right choice or how deep your regret resides. I know I did my best. I was honest, completely raw and loyal. You decided it wasn’t enough. It wasn’t what you wanted. Did you know that sometimes the backlash of a decision takes years to be noticed? To sink in. You just get yourself wondering around. It usually comes accompanied by that redundant wave of realisation that truly genuine, loving people are few and too rare. I won’t wait on that, though. I’ve learned my lesson. Some people say some of the best lessons come from the deepest pain and I think they just might be right. I think if I’m still writing about this is because it still affects me on some level and I don’t want that anymore. As opposed to before, I don’t want you to have any type of hold on me anymore. I don’t want any of you. I’ll take the lessons and the wisdom the situation has given me, but no more of you. I suppose deciding something as serious as this gives me back my control – I mean, idiotic people are gonna come and go but it’s in my power to decide how I’m going to deal with the pile of shit they throw at me. I initially thought, well, I’m in some deep shit, I might as well try and turn something beautiful out of it, something I’ve always loved, but I feel like I might just let go. The fact that I’ve decided to be the better man about it all does not diminish the impact of your actions. Of what you’ve done. You told me once that the only thing you’ve had in your life was your word and your promises. How easily you forgot that. You’ve had no consideration for what we were – whatever it was. We were friends in the first place. I thought so, at least, but then again a friend wouldn’t do that to you. And even though you sold me out, even though I had lost pretty much everything I used to have, even though I was hurting and alone and fucking lost, I chose not to do the same to you. Does it make me better than you? I don’t know, but if you take my silence as acquiescence, then it surely makes me smarter than you. I could talk about it, but it doesn’t really matter anymore now, does it? I thought the type of connection that we had ran deep. Boy, was I wrong. But it’s okay now. It’s okay that nowadays you won’t even look me in the eyes, because you already did it too much for far too long to be acceptable. It’s okay that you won’t acknowledge my presence anymore, because my arrival used to enlighten your whole mood. It was noticeable, you know. You don’t need to salute me either, because my body still remembers your touch – how you used to sit there and play with my fingers absentmindedly, how you caressed each of my tattoos and played with my hair, how much you leaned in unnecessarily (it was, you know it). I could tell them all about your words, but what’s the use? I know better now. I can be the “snake”, I can be the girl who fell for you (alone, she would hastily add), and I can be the one who “tried” to ruin your so-beautifully-called relationship. My heart knows the truth and the people I love know my heart. Your heart knows it as well and someday you will regret what you’ve done. I am all healed now. I am done.
I wish you the best things and I hope never to hear about it.”
