Live Life

Some of us might experience the feeling of being rejected, heartbroken, declined, lost and failed in all aspect of life...

it might be hard to everyone and we cannot invalid their emotion about it.

One thing that we can experience when we love a person but they take it for granted. That was one I've already experienced and I'm thankful it ended early to prevent me from all the emotional abuse and manipulation that may extend in long period of time.

I'm not closing my Opportunity to be able to love someone, after all the Trauma and heartaches that I've already experience, with that, I realize that I'm not on the right person to deserve me, I always follow how God want me to be happy and feel peaceful.

Here are the following standard I want to Manifest

Have strong Faith to God

Loving to his family and loved ones

Respectful to his words towards other people

Honest on his actions and feelings

Independently striving to his own growth and to inspire others also especially me

Supportive

Caring aside to Bare minimum actions , He insisted to do beyond it and I will also

Good for my Mental and Emotional peace

willing to take a sit down to communicate our concerns

He will not do anything that bare minimum that makes me hurt and me also

Hi Pa,

September is approaching and I know that month will not be the same from the previous years we already spent it.

September birthday celebrants will be hard to feel the excitement and to be ecatatic because it's the same month of your departure from life.

It's still hard to believe that it's already a year passed by, the feelings and the memories that I saw you from that moment that you were gone still lingering on me. We thought when we went to Quezon province you will be healed and feel stronger while seeing the green scenery away from polluted scene of the city,but on the same day after you shown how happy you are when we got there, same day you passed away.

I just wanted to talk or brag you from other people how great father you are. I know you're not perfect but I saw and felt the love you showered when you're with us. I feel the love and proud everytime other people, aside from our relatives, told how great person you are ❤️.

I still miss our silly to serious fight, the jokes, the words of wisdom and your presence Papa, I miss to cuddle you without a reason 😔. I miss the surprise pasalubong specialized for me, kidding but for the whole family.

I will always treasure that moments Pa, I will always be your spoiled little princess ❤️

As I was retrieving old photos that I took a long ago like this photo, I just realize, some mortal chooses to be alone after being in the extreme of their lives like mine ...

I will be specific to describe them although its

T.M.I  ( too much information)...

- Our small business receiving the blessings we didn’t expect and showing support from relatives and other acquaintances.

- being blessed from the pandemic because we have enough food to serve in our dining, and we can give some for our relatives and other friends.

- being negative from any sickness although we do our errand and deliveries. We must clean and sanitize after doing that.

- I keep on tracking my healthy diet and my goal weight.

- I'm building my self-confidence from the affirmation I received

- I was able to found friends from social platforms without any connection before.

while I was at that moment, something was holding me back to continue... little did I know it was My Own ghost, 

She tends to whisper that nothing will last forever, many variables will affect the result you might have right now, 

That I tend to pause and overthink what I heard from that small voice until it grows deeper on my mind until I found myself having anxiety and I just blow up.

I shout without being conscious who was in front of mine and they misunderstand what's happening about me,I shout without being conscious who was in front of mine and they misunderstand what's happening about me.

After it takes place, I just explain why I did it, but they can't understand my part so I just isolate myself from anyone, I don't want to talk even from people who don't know what occurs.

I'm tired of explaining my side to anyone, I'm afraid to get rejected and being judge without hearing both sides of the story. My heart is grieving the whole process.

Yes,  I admit that I made a mistake, but I'm hoping that the other one too, they should admit that they are also part of it, without being considerate of anyone's condition or trying to understand what happened.by that means, I will accept that both parties are on the same page of the story. 

During my Isolation period, many things I worked out:

I learn to minimize using social media for posting shits

I looked for online courses that will improve my self-esteem and to learn new things

I bought Kalimba for musical past time because I want to play at least one musical instrument

I tend to look for my past forgotten hobbies like this, doing a blog, or expressing my thoughts through writing.

but thru my Isolation also I was afraid to talk to anyone because  I don't want to disturb anyone's time, we have our own priorities in life by that time some may misunderstand my action about it and may appear that I cut ties but please if some of them will be reading my composition especially this one, I hope they will understand and I do apologize for not having the courage to explain it thru messages, and if you read this you may leave me a message and we can talk about it, I miss to reconnect with you guys but I don’t have the courage :)

just take a sip of coffee, stare blankly and think what will happen until the end of the day (overthinking is my habit) but you must stand up, do the grind and let the good vibes flows the day.

there are times that I question myself "Those exerted efforts are still worthy? I feel the pressure, not contented from the results, want to grind more to be appreciated" but after doing the shittt thinking, My chest feel the pain badly without telling anyone the real reason... The reason--happiness from the effort you exert are appreciated by some and afraid that it will end too soon or recollecting that maybe it will never happen again...

I've been listening to different podcast for Self help and self improvement and it's kinda addicting especially when you internalised every thoughts and their sentiments about a certain topic, somehow it helps me on my mental state if I don't want to talk to anyone. It feels like you are talking to someone and giving you some encouragement in life without being judged or understanding your feelings at the moment.

for those who experience Loneliness in this time of pandemic, alone physically or With someone but still feel the emptiness in their heart kindly listen to

Lee Hi- HOLO

this song with English Translation for better understanding for the whole song :)

[Verse 1] Being alone, staying still Is it that difficult to do Whether being alone or together The loneliness feels the same One day it will stop [Verse 2] Isn’t everything supposed to happen As it’s said or thought Not even basking the sunlight or Taking a deep breath could make things easier One day it will stop [Chorus] And I’m gonna stop cryin’, stop feelin’ Stop thinkin’ ‘bout you, my babe Not gonna cry anymore Gonna breakout And gonna take more care of myself And I’m gonna stop [Verse 3] Is it that important to compare who’s better between others and me or me and others After countless nights of suffering I finally get it now

Me: Hi I'm Lara Kate the "Strong independent woman" wants to deal the problem positively.

“WORDS are sharper than the KNIFE” 

 Are you in the state where you value yourself depending on the things you heard from other people especially from people who are closer to you?

Well you’re not alone, I’m on the same page as you are....

It hits different when someone tells you negative things and not appreciating the things you did for them when you did a simple mistake or you utter a word that he/she doesn’t understand, especially when both of you are having arguments suddenly hurtful words spits in their mouth non-stop.

they’re telling your flaws, your mistakes that you already fixed and the past events that give them a reason to be angry again to you and not trying to understand your explanation and leads both of you to shout each other.

Your mind keep telling “ Ganun na ba ako kasama? nababalewala lahat ng mga magagandang nagawa ko dahil sa punyetang isang pagkakamali na hindi naman sinasadyang ?”

We have this moment in our lives, after you did 10 good things in life and it will disregard when you did 1 simple mistake.. and that was the time you reflect  your self worth or self value.

and after that thought, it will followed by “ Tao lang naman ako, bakit masama magkamali? bawal ba mag-kamali? bawal na ba bumawi? pag bumawi ba ako makakalimutan na yung simpleng pag kakamali ko? o babalik ulit yun pag nagkamali ako?”

This may tend to affect our beings, thinking our self worth, this keep holding us back from the things we want to try or exploring what we can do in ourselves.

to the other person that part of the story, that after telling someone that hurtful words, did it  satisfy yourself after uttering that? what did you do to make everything okay again? did you try to listen and understand their story on why did they did that simple mistake? 

The arguments are coming  from 2 or more person that have misunderstandings, and each of everyone have their reasons, it’s either you’re boy or girl; old or younger; rich or poor; etc. both must try to listen after the arguments to settle the situation ,to know where the misunderstanding coming from and to apologize after that arguments