Alone with my own ghost ...
As I was retrieving old photos that I took a long ago like this photo, I just realize, some mortal chooses to be alone after being in the extreme of their lives like mine ...
I will be specific to describe them although its
T.M.IĀ Ā ( too much information)...
- Our small business receiving the blessings we didnāt expect and showing support from relatives and other acquaintances.
- being blessed from the pandemic because we have enough food to serve in our dining, and we can give some for our relatives and other friends.
- being negative from any sickness although we do our errand and deliveries. We must clean and sanitize after doing that.
- I keep on tracking my healthy diet and my goal weight.
- I'm building my self-confidence from the affirmation I received
- I was able to found friends from social platforms without any connection before.
while I was at that moment, something was holding me back to continue... little did I know it was My Own ghost,Ā
She tends to whisper that nothing will last forever, many variables will affect the result you might have right now,Ā
That I tend to pause and overthink what I heard from that small voice until it grows deeper on my mindĀ until I found myself having anxiety and I just blow up.
I shout without being conscious who was in front of mine and they misunderstand what's happening about me,I shout without being conscious who was in front of mine and they misunderstand what's happening about me.
After it takes place, I just explain why I did it, but they can't understand my part so I just isolate myself from anyone, I don't want to talk even from people who don't know what occurs.
I'm tired of explaining my side to anyone, I'm afraid to get rejected and being judge without hearing both sides of the story. My heart is grieving the whole process.
Yes,Ā I admit that I made a mistake, but I'm hoping that the other one too, they should admit that they are also part of it, without being considerate of anyone's condition or trying to understand what happened.by that means, I will accept that both parties are on the same page of the story.Ā
During my Isolation period, many things I worked out:
I learn to minimize using social media for posting shits
I looked for online courses that will improve my self-esteem and to learn new things
I bought Kalimba for musical past time because I want to play at least one musical instrument
I tend to look for my past forgotten hobbies like this, doing a blog, or expressing my thoughts through writing.
but thru my Isolation also I was afraid to talk to anyone because Ā I don't want to disturb anyone's time, we have our own priorities in life by that time some may misunderstand my action about it and may appear that I cut ties but please if some of them will be reading my composition especially this one, I hope they will understand and I do apologize for not having the courage to explain it thru messages, and if you read this you may leave me a message and we can talk about it, I miss to reconnect with you guys but I donāt have the courage :)
Being alone sometimes is not always a negative thing in our lives, It may nurture our selves like the Philippine Eagle on the photo, He may tend to be alone for long period, but he survives and keep on going forward in life for self-growth and to be a stronger one to take another path in life.