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i don’t know if this will shock some of you but exo members don’t talk about skin colour in degrading ways.

if you really want me to nitpick, it’s in the same vein as fans/members commenting about kyungsoo’s shoulders or joonmyeon’s singing face.

they shouldn’t know any better because the korean society in which they grew up in doesn’t discriminate people by their skin colour.

also, jongin has pointed out several times that he finds his skin colour to be his sexiest feature, and introduced himself as ggamjong several times during mama era.

i’m sorry if i sound super twisted but i literally receive at least 10 messages on a weekly basis asking me to tell exo to stop being rude?

It’s been nearly 8 years since I made this account, first under the name ggamjongin which, alas, is the source of my embarrassment (and shame).

Back then, I was an idiot who thought that the nickname was not racist per se, but more to do with Korea’s unhealthy obsession with white/fair skin (aka colourism). Now I see that, whatever the intention, it is offensive.

“they shouldn’t know any better because the korean society in which they grew up in doesn’t discriminate people by their skin colour”

It is almost painful to read how ignorant and uneducated I was. However, this pain is nothing compared to the daily suffering that POC are put through. 

Obviously, Korean people do discriminate people by their skin colour. It’s just that, as kkaeb-orat put it so eloquently for us all those years ago, such discrimination comes from a different place than the one we see in Western countries. Nonetheless, discriminations should never be tolerated or allowed, and I am horrified that my 17 year old self believed that the nickname was not offensive simply because it was being used in a Korean/Asian context.

As an Asian who grew up in a Western country, I thought that I was “woke” on matters of racism. I once got angry at my cousin and her friends for using the N-word and gave them a long-winded speech about how they should never use that word. We had a big fight, and I publicly posted on Facebook why Asian people should stop using the N-word. I even posted a link to James Baldwin’s speech.

Then I remembered I used to have a tumblr blog with ‘kkam’ in it. Clearly, I was selectively “woke” and did not understand the magnitude of shadeism and its implications. 

“do you know what’s more rude? that fans share leaked videos and audios, upload/edit sasaeng photos, and post inappropriate comments on members’ instagrams.”

Clearly, no. I want nothing more than to go back and delete this post off the face of the internet.

I want to apologize to those who might have been offended by my choice of tumblr url (and I will not excuse myself be parroting my 17 y/o self “it’s ok because Jongin used it himself” because it is dumb and humiliating). It would be hypocritical of me to fight for equality if I do not own up to once being part of a culture that was, quite frankly, toxic. Toxic because I parroted a belief that clearly was based on shadeism, no matter what context (and actually, in context too since shadeism in Korea is a serious issue). Toxic because calling someone by a nickname that has ‘kkam’ in it is condoning the historical roots of that word.

I still have a long way to go. So long that I even decided to continue studying and researching in a field that I clearly was so uneducated about in the past. There are so many things I want to say, especially in regards to how colourism works differently yet similarly in Korea versus the West. Or about the blatant appropriation of black culture in KPOP. AND Don’t even get me started about black face in Korean variety shows. I want to talk about the different cultural contexts that cause rift between international and Korean fans.

But I am still in the process of learning and educating myself. I want to make sure that before I say anything, I really know what I am saying.

So once again, I apologize for having used an offensive nickname as my tumblr url.