I hated you so much that I forgot about your good qualities. I forgot you even had good qualities. So when you came up to me, eagerness filling what awkward tension I’d created, I turned toward the other direction and gestured for you to follow me. Small talk became our normal, until you asked how sick I was, while you folded me into a hug and within a matter of half a second it hit me, this is what I’ve been missing out on. That void you created two years ago disappeared, and in replacement heartbreak took its place. Your hug didn’t convey sexual desire or wanting something more, but instead an undying passion and a need for the one person who truly knows you to stay. And I guess that’s what I’ve been needing, because you are the first in such a long time to comfort me with actions instead of words, the first to tighten your grasp around my waist instead on letting go when I started to get comfortable. The crease in your neck feels like home, a place where only you and I can escape. I"m not going to give you an “I love you” or “I want you back” because that’s far from how I feel, but I will say this: The moment you walked back in, the moment I started feeling the way I should. You’re far from what I want, but you know what I need. Denial had taken a place within my undeveloped mind for so long yet when it slipped away, the sudden realisation came to me that maybe you do know me better than I know myself, like you’d always exclaimed to me in moments of pure sadness. I don’t know whether it’s a good or bad thing, or whether I should be happy or not, and this may be the last time I write about you but please don’t leave. You’ve destroyed me in a matter of seconds, but you also know how to rebuild me. I am a mental catastrophe, a psychedelic mess, and I can’t bare people leaving anymore. Not when I have no one left.
