Maya Lamyerda

Christmas was supposed to be the most wonderful time of the year. That was the impression that the Christmas industrial complex gave, from the seemingly endless rotation of holiday music and movies that started months before the actual date, to the constant reminders to give and shop and celebrate the season, even if it felt completely foreign. No matter if you were from the arctic or the tropics, everyone had to love Christmas or risk being labelled a Grinch.

Renjun didn’t mind Christmas. He hadn’t grown up celebrating it, but he liked seeing the decorations around his dorm. The school called them winter or holiday decorations, but everyone knew they were for Christmas. He even did a bit of decorating himself, purchasing a small red poinsettia in a gold pot for his desk and arranging a garland for the table in the living room. He made it himself, with fresh white pine he collected from the woods around the school, and adorned it with tiny white lights and a tiny felted Moomin wearing a Santa hat.

He liked the cosiness of winter, from the warmth of his room, with hot chocolate or tea, served in his Winter Forest Moomin mug, of course. While other kids went skiing or snowboarding at mountaintop resorts, Renjun preferred to watch snow fall from his window, safe and snug under his plaid fleece blanket. He preferred to draw, listen to music, and make crafts, like an entire felted Moominfamily.

As an aspiring filmmaker, he especially enjoyed watching movies, including holiday classics like Batman Returns and Edward Scissorhands. He’d taken a film studies class this semester and wrote a paper on Christmas as a setting and character in non-Christmas films. He’d loved the class. It was just the sort of thing he’d come to this elite international boarding school to learn.

The local high school in his neighbourhood back home funnelled kids into low-wage service jobs. That wasn’t the future he had in mind for himself. So he’d studied hard and applied on his own, without his parents’ knowledge, earning a prestigious arts scholarship, which covered full tuition and room and board.

Renjun wasn’t afraid to leave his family and country to further his education. He was excited to move overseas and attend a fancy school, imagining himself as the main character in the movie of his life. He liked that the school’s uniforms were yellow, his favourite colour, and had almost all the variations, shorts, pants, sweater, vest, jacket. He thought he looked rather smart in the classic suit.  

There was a school tradition where boys and girls swapped uniforms for a day. But Renjun was too timid to ask to borrow a skirt or buy one for himself. He was the only transfer student in his year and since it was his first semester, he’d yet to make many friends. Most of his friends back home were girls, so he should have been comfortable asking, but things were different here. He was new in a group of kids who’d already been at school together for a many years. He was also on scholarship, which meant that his family wasn’t anywhere close to as wealthy as most of the students.

A handful of new scholarship students joined each year and everyone knew who they were. They were the kids who stayed in residence during breaks because they couldn’t afford to travel home. Renjun was the only person left in his entire dorm. Except for one of his two roommates. It should have been a comfort to have someone close by, but he would have preferred to be completely alone.

The school had roomed him with two other students, boys who’d been best friends since they met at this school many years ago. They were from the same country and even though school was taught in English, they often used their own language in the dorm suite. That is, until Renjun called them out for talking about him like he wasn’t there. They’d been shocked that Renjun understood their language, but Renjun figured it was why he was assigned to their suite. The school tried to help students make friends and fit in by matching them with students who shared their home language or culture. It hadn’t worked in this case. His roommate Jaemin was nice enough. But his other roommate Jeno was as cold as ice.

Unfortunately, Jeno was the one staying in the dorm with him over winter break. He wasn’t sure why Jeno stayed at school instead of going home. Jeno’s family was rich, mostly from his roles in advertisements and commercials, as well as a hit movie in his country when he was a small child. They weren’t exactly friends so Renjun didn’t ask.

He had watched Jeno’s acting and modelling, including a compilation of all his ads and the movie, and was impressed with what a natural Jeno seemed to be. Too bad the effortlessly adorable quality he had as a kid hadn’t carried over to now. Sixteen year old Jeno was a Grinch.

In classes he was the model student. Teachers liked him, students liked him (especially girls), pretty much everyone liked his mild manner and sweet smile. But at home he seemed determined to disturb Renjun’s peace.

Jeno’s biggest flaw was that he was a resident Moomin anti.

Just the other day, when Renjun made a drawing of Santa Moomin and taped it to his own bedroom door, Jeno wrote on it that Santa wasn’t real! Then when Renjun was sitting on the sofa, reading a book and minding his own business, wearing a Santa hat with a Moomin pin on it, Jeno yanked it from his head! Renjun had no idea what he or Moomin had done to deserve this kind of treatment, but it meant that he would be having Christmas alone in his room to avoid being menaced.

Renjun didn’t understand why he’d been cursed with the misfortune of rooming with Jeno. When they first met, Jeno was like an icicle, always hanging around the suite, cold and beautiful. Though it might sound like an exaggeration, Renjun wouldn’t have been surprised if Jeno’s skin was cold to the touch.

It wasn’t. Not that Renjun had touched him much.

They’d brushed arms and hands a few times, passing by each other in the suite. To Renjun’s embarrassment, he’d fluttered a little inside. He couldn’t help it. Jeno was very good looking. Which made living with him even more of a burden. In Renjun’s opinion, Jeno was the best kind of cute. He was quiet, wore glasses all the time, and was a huge nerd. It was really too bad he was such a menace to Renjun and Moomin’s existence.

Even if Jeno wasn’t a total Grinch, Renjun still wouldn’t have been interested. If Jeno and Jaemin’s conversations were anything to go by, they were both into girls. Jaemin had a different girlfriend every month, or at least a crush on a different girl every month. But Jeno hadn’t dated anyone, not to Renjun’s knowledge. And not that Renjun thought about him like that. Jeno’s love life was none of his business, especially since it didn’t include him.

The fact that Jeno was so good looking was just that, a fact. It wasn’t even something subjective, not the way everyone at school talked about him as though they were all in agreement about it. Jaemin was the other half of what was considered the best visual duo in their entire grade, which made Renjun roll his eyes at the small gifts and confession notes that frequently appeared at their door.

Whatever. Jeno was cute and it was hard not to notice something like that, especially since Renjun was sixteen and had yet to like a boy who liked him back. He was pretty sure both of his roommates knew that he liked boys.

He never talked about girls with them. Once, he was making tea in his Moominvalley mug and Jaemin asked him to choose who was the prettier girl in their class this year, Karina or Giselle. Jaemin’s vote went to Karina and Jeno just nodded his agreement. Renjun thought both girls were pretty, strictly aesthetically speaking, and he didn’t see the point of comparing them to one another. People had different tastes and offered different charms. Besides, the so-called best looking people weren’t always the best people to be around (cough Jeno cough). Renjun just pursed his lips and walked away, closing his bedroom door behind him.

Then there was the time Jeno gave him a weird look after seeing that his phone background was set to a photo of global pop superstar Haechan. Renjun wasn’t sure if Jeno didn’t like Haechan’s music or the fact that he was openly gay, but either way, the look he gave Renjun was withering.

Renjun hadn’t done anything to make Jeno dislike him. He wasn’t completely sure that Jeno disliked him. Maybe they just didn’t have much in common.

They didn’t hang out very often, the three of them. During the first few weeks of school, Renjun had tried making conversation with them in the meal hall but Jeno was so frosty to him that he stopped trying. Sometimes they gathered in their living room to watch movies together, assignments for their film studies class usually.  Jeno always sat on the opposite end of the sofa from where Renjun was. When Renjun sat in the middle, Jeno made himself a nest with blankets on the floor.

Renjun didn’t care that they weren’t friends, but since they still had winter break and another semester to live together, it would be nice not to be enemies. But what was Renjun supposed to do? Jeno was the one who instigated with him, usually by being a Moomin anti.

When Renjun brought his Moomin plushie to cuddle with him on the couch during a movie, he caught Jeno glaring at Moomin! Another time, Jeno came to his room to borrow some drawing paper and pencils for an assignment and had the audacity to punch Moomin on the way out! Renjun could not understand why anyone would dislike Moomin. But he was pretty sure it was Jeno who put his Moomin travel mug on the highest shelf in their kitchen, where Renjun couldn’t reach it. Renjun almost thought it was missing until Jaemin got it down for him.

He might have been the smallest one in their suite but he was the oldest (yes, every day counts) and he was not going to deal with any more Moomin bullying. So when he went to Jeno’s room to take back his pencils, he slapped a Moomin sticker on Jeno’s dresser. In retaliation, Jeno sneaked into his room and stole his Moomin socks!

They were Renjun’s favourite socks too. They were pale yellow, grey at the toe and heel, with four white stripes on the cuff, beneath which Moomin tumbled around. He’d ordered them directly from the Moomin website, which meant they came all the way from Finland. He had other cute Moomin things but he really liked those socks. He especially liked to see them peeking between his pants and his shoes. He often wore them around the suite just to keep his feet warm. So of course Jeno made fun of him, pointing and laughing like Renjun’s love for Moomin was any weirder than those Gundam figures that Jeno had assembled all over his room.

To make matters worse, Jeno wouldn’t give his socks back and he wouldn’t admit to being a thief. But Renjun knew it had to be him. Jaemin had no interest in stealing his socks. He also knew that he hadn’t misplaced them. He’d just done his laundry and remembered folding them and putting them away in his top drawer. They couldn’t have possibly gotten up and tumbled out, all on their own. He hadn’t left them in the laundry room or any of the common spaces in the suite.  

Renjun went to Jeno’s room and demanded his socks back. But Jeno denied any involvement in what he called “an alleged sock-napping”. Renjun refused to believe him, so he started searching his room. He opened the top drawer to Jeno’s dresser and stuffed both hands into it, finding nothing but socks and underwear (and a couple personal items that he’d rather not know about), before Jeno wrestled him away from it.

Jeno was strong. It didn’t take much effort to wind an arm around Renjun’s waist and lift him off the ground, swinging him in a semi-circle and setting him on the floor again. Renjun ducked beneath his arms, going for the bottom drawer this time, but the second he got it open, Jeno’s hands were on his hips, dragging him away from it. Renjun jumped to his feet and placed both hands on Jeno’s solid chest, shoving him backwards and onto his bed. Jeno bounced back up and bear hugged Renjun from behind, pinning his arms together. Renjun tried to wiggle away, but it just made Jeno squeeze him tighter.

His touch was firm and almost enticing. Renjun could feel his warm breath on his neck. For someone who was such a menace, Jeno’s scent was so nice. Renjun had never met another boy whose natural fragrance was this attractive. Most of them either used too much overpriced cologne or too much cheap body spray. But Jeno just smelled like Jeno. It was hard to explain. And it made Renjun’s pulse quicken.

Jeno released him, pushing him towards the doorway and out of the room. Renjun grabbed onto the frame and spun around. He warned Jeno to sleep with one eye open and then ran a finger across his own throat, miming a slitting motion.

He waited for Jeno and Jaemin to go to the gym, then he finished searching Jeno’s room. He didn’t find his socks. He also didn’t find anything interesting or incriminating he could use against Jeno. Just more boxes of Gundam figures beneath his bed. He did swipe a bag of jelly candy for his troubles though.

Renjun thought long and hard about what Jeno could have done with his socks. He wouldn’t throw them away, would he? What would be the point of that? What was the point of any of Jeno’s anti Moomin activities?

Renjun searched his own room, in case Jeno hid the socks somewhere he wouldn’t expect them to be. He wondered if Jeno looked through his stuff. He didn’t keep much contraband, but his sketchbooks were pretty personal. Even though he’d already gone through Jeno’s room, he didn’t look inside notebooks or anything like that. If Jeno was writing anti Moomin poetry that was his personal business.

When he didn’t find his socks in his room, he hunted for them in the rest of the suite. He left Jaemin’s room alone, figuring Jaemin wouldn’t stoop to colluding with Jeno against Moomin. There was still no sign of his socks, no trail, no evidence at all. Renjun went back to his room and pouted with his Moomin plushie in his arms.

Why did he have to get such a weirdo for a roommate?

Since Jaemin left to return home for the holidays, Renjun was alone with that weirdo. With nobody to mediate between them, the suite sank into an uncomfortable silence. The socks were still in stock on the Moomin website so Renjun ordered another pair, along with a scarf and sketchbook. If he spent a little bit more, he would qualify for a deal on free expedited shipping, so he considered adding a small lantern, in the shape of a pillar candle, with a winter scene on it, since he preferred low lighting to the overhead bulb in his room, but decided to order a second pair of the socks instead. In case Jeno tried to steal them again, he would have a backup.

With the school facilities closed, except for the dorms, there wasn’t much to do, at least not outside of their suite. They mostly stayed in their rooms, Renjun drawing and listening to music and watching movies, while Jeno was probably curled up beside his computer playing hideous war games with other weirdoes. They even ignored each other in the van on a pre-scheduled trip to a nearby town to buy food and other essentials before everything closed for Christmas. Renjun made sure to stock up on treats. Jeno being a Grinch wasn’t going to stop him from enjoying the holiday.

Renjun was making tea before bed when the door to Jeno’s room popped open. Jeno came to the kitchen to pour himself a glass of cola. He was wearing a hoodie with the hood pulled over his head, basketball shorts, and no socks or slippers. A sock thief should at least wear the socks he stole and keep his feet warm. It was winter, after all.

They didn’t have a full kitchen setup, just a very small refrigerator and freezer, a cabinet that stored their food and dishwares, a sink, and a counter cluttered with a microwave, rice cooker, electric kettle, and hot plate. The space was small, which made it difficult to ignore the fact that Jeno was standing next to him, silently sipping his soda. Renjun thought about taking his tea to his room, but since he’d come to the kitchen first, he would stay until his tea had steeped.

“Renjun?” Jeno asked.

Renjun turned his head to look at him. “Yeah?”

“Tomorrow is Christmas Eve. And, since you seem to like Christmas, I was wondering if you had plans. Do you? Have plans?”

“No,” Renjun replied. “Why do you want the living room to play your games or something? I don’t care as long as you wear headphones so I don’t have to hear all that shooting.”

“No, I was…um…I wanted to know if…”

“What?”

“Do you want to have dinner and watch a movie with me?”

Renjun was almost speechless. This was the first time Jeno had asked him to do anything together. Jaemin had been the one to extend invitations every other time they gathered as a group.

“Is this a joke?” Renjun asked. “A prank?

“No! I just thought since we’re both going to be here and it’s Christmas, why not eat together and  watch something together. I’ll even sit through a cheesy Christmas movie, if you like them.”

Renjun wrinkled his nose and laughed. “I don’t like cheesy Christmas movies. But I kinda want to make you sit through one.”

“Is that a yes?”

Renjun considered it. Maybe he could use this as an opportunity to sweet talk Jeno into revealing the whereabouts of his Moomin socks.

“Yes,” he said.

Jeno smiled. He looked relieved. “Okay, um, do you want to set a time?”

Renjun laughed again. “We live here. We can just hang out whenever.”

“Oh, right. Yeah, hang out whenever,” Jeno said. “See you tomorrow then.”

Renjun slept until mid-morning. He rolled around in bed for a while, scrolling online, and checking clips of Haechan’s Christmas Eve performance. With a sixteen hour time difference between them, he’d fallen asleep last night while trying to stay up to watch it.

When he finally got up, he drank some tea and then bundled himself to go for a walk. There was no sign of Jeno in the suite, so Renjun briefly wondered if their hang out was some sort of setup. Whatever happened, he wasn’t going to let it ruin his holiday.

The woods beyond the school grounds were covered in fresh, powdery show. He walked his usual path along the perimeter, looping down by a creek that hadn’t frozen over, then back towards the stately manor that was the school. He made a snow angel with his body and took pictures of it. Then he made a snow bunny, instead of a snowman, using sticks and rocks and pine needles to decorate it.

The sunny day and the crisp mountain air had him in a good mood. He sang a bit, since there was no one around to hear him, cheesy Christmas songs that he only sort of knew the lyrics to. Then he started to get hungry so he walked back to the dorm.

When he returned to the suite, he had to double check that he was in the correct room. It looked nothing like it had when he left. The sofa had been expanded into what appeared to be a giant bed, draped with blankets and pillows, that spread across the living room floor. There were lights everywhere, sparkling white, hanging from the walls and windows, even the sides of their mounted television. Renjun’s garland was still on the table, but now there was a small artificial tree next to it with a single red ornament hanging from one of its sparse branches, just like the tree in the Charlie Brown Christmas movie. The table had been moved aside and was also home to bowls of oranges, mixed nuts, chocolate kisses, and candy canes.

Jeno walked out of his room, carrying a stuffed Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer in his arms.

“Hi,” he said, flinging the Rudolph onto the sofa.

“Don’t throw him like that!” Renjun scolded.

“Why? He’s not real. He doesn’t have feelings.”

“You don’t know that! It’s Christmas Eve, anything could happen.”

Jeno chuckled. “Okay, there there,” he said, sitting Rudolph up and patting its head. He looked at Renjun. “Happy?”

“Yes,” Renjun replied, stepping into a pair of grey slippers. His boots were draining snow on a tray in the hallway. He unzipped his coat and unwound his scarf. “What happened here?”

“Christmas.”

“Yeah, I know tomorrow is Christmas but why’d you do all this?”

“It wasn’t me. It was elves. They scattered when I woke up, but I heard them.”

“Elves,” Renjun huffed. “I thought you said Santa wasn’t real.”

Jeno shrugged. “I never met the guy.”

Renjun pulled the knit cap from his head and ran his fingers through his hair. Then he narrowed his eyes. “Are you some kind of closet Christmas fan?”

“No.”

“Then what’s all this for?”

“You like Christmas.”

Renjun’s cheeks suddenly flushed. It was too warm in here with all this winter gear on. He peeled off his coat and put it away in the hall closet. His scarf and hat followed. Then he padded into the living room.

“This looks amazing. Thank you.”

“I didn’t really have anything else to do.”

“You did a great job.”

Jeno smiled, the kind of smile that reached all the way to his eyes. He was so cute when he wasn’t being an absolute menace. Renjun forced himself to look away. This, Jeno being nice, was just some temporary holiday magic. He hadn’t forgotten about the socks and all the other insults to Moomin.

“I’m gonna go shower and change,” Renjun said.

Renjun took his time showering and grooming and getting dressed. He listened to holiday music in his earphones, so he wouldn’t bother Jeno. It seemed silly to hide his cheesy holiday music, since it was Christmas Eve, but with three people living in the suite, they had gotten used to wearing earphones.

Renjun was still wearing them when he went to the kitchen to find something to eat. It was too early for their upcoming feast, but not early enough to have a full meal and still be hungry later. He was rummaging through the pantry, hoping the perfect snack would jump out at him, when he felt a hand on his waist.

“Oh!” Renjun exclaimed, tapping one earphone to stop the music. “It’s you.”

“Who else would it be?” Jeno asked.

“I don’t know, but ever since you mentioned those elves…”

Jeno laughed. “Don’t worry. I think we can take them.”

“Yeah, right. You’d probably use me as bait then sacrifice me to save yourself.”

Jeno gave him a playful look. “No way. That definitely sounds like your type of tactic.”

“Hey, I’m hungry but I don’t know what to eat. What are we doing for dinner?”

“Well, I thought we’d microwave continuous rounds of appetisers since the freezer is full of them. There’s at least five different types of ramyeon and stir fried noodle packages in the pantry.”

“I have some sliced beef,” Renjun added.

“I have eggs. And milk too.”

“We should eat a vegetable.”

“There’s vegetables in the frozen dumplings.”

“Perfect,” Renjun laughed. “What about snacks?”

“There’s plain popcorn, kettle corn…”

“Those are for movies.”

“Okay, there’s…” Jeno squinted at a package on a shelf above Renjun’s head. “Almond flour? I think that’s from Jaemin’s gluten free phase. There’s also chocolate sandwich cookies, ah, hot chocolate mix, chocolate covered pretzels, chocolate covered almonds, chocolate covered coffee beans.”

“What about food?” Renjun asked, just shy of whining.

“Okay, um, packaged nori, dried cherries, oh, tortilla chips.” He pulled a bag from the pantry. “And we have cheese. We could make nachos in the air fryer.”

“We have an air fryer?”

“Yeah, it’s on the top shelf.” Jeno chuckled. “Probably where you can’t see it.”

“Shut up,” Renjun said, poking his ribs. “Why do you guys put things up there where I can’t see them? You’re not even that much taller than me.”

Jeno grinned and reached up, grabbing a box and sliding it out of the pantry. “Do you want nachos?”

“Yes,” Renjun smiled, bouncing on his toes.

They assembled a plate of nachos together and then ate them while leaning over the kitchen counter. It even had a bit of Christmas spirit thanks to the red salsa and green guacamole Jeno had bought. They talked about their plans for dinner, which amounted to cook everything until they were full, flatbreads, buns, dumplings, tamales. Cooking was a bit of an exaggeration since all they would be doing was heating things up.

When they were done talking about food, they started talking about movies. They liked a lot of the same stuff, directors, actors, genres. But since Christmas was the theme of the day, they agreed they would only watch movies with Christmas as a theme or setting. Renjun could already think of twenty from the top of his head, from writing that paper, but he agreed to give Jeno a chance to come up with some too.

They moved into the living room, nesting themselves onto the sofa with the television remote. They took stock of what they owned, what they had in subscriptions, and what they were willing to purchase. Then they played Rock Paper Scissors for the power to pick the first film. Jeno won and decided to start with a very fitting classic, The Grinch. This made Renjun laugh and he refused to tell Jeno why.

They watched movie after movie, talking and making jokes through most of them, pausing only for washroom breaks or to microwave another part of their Christmas Eve feast. Somehow Renjun was put in charge of making the ramyeon and though he’d made it at least a hundred times before, he forgot to put in half of the seasoning, which he didn’t notice until they were already well through the noodles. Jeno said it was good anyway and they laughed about it.

As the night deepened, they changed into their pyjamas and stretched out, from sitting in little curled up balls on opposite corners of the sofa, to sprawling across the makeshift sofa-bed. Renjun brought his plush Moomin from his bedroom, but made sure to keep it out of punching distance. Jeno cuddled Rudolph, pretending to feed it a bite of whatever he ate.

They’d snacked on fruit and nuts and candy, but they hadn’t even talked about dessert. What was a Christmas Eve feast without stuffing themselves to the limit with something sweet? Renjun suggested they make an experimental cookie in a giant mug in the microwave. It was probably a mistake, considering what happened when he was in charge of the ramyeon, but he’d seen a video of it online so he thought they could replicate it.

They used packets of raw sugar swiped from the meal hall, Jaemin’s package of almond flour, chopped up bits of everyone’s chocolates, Jeno’s milk and butter, and a sprinkle of Renjun’s sea salt. He insisted that the combination of sweet with salty was perfection, but Jeno didn’t trust him with the salt, so they portioned it out together. The cookie came out gooey and delicious and since they were too lazy to wait to make another one, they topped it with ice cream and attacked it with two spoons.

Jeno had the idea to watch something cheesy and terrible from the list of Christmas Comedies on their subscription streaming service. They closed their eyes and Jeno pressed the right directional arrow on the remote until Renjun said stop. Jeno stopped on a cheesy gay Christmas rom-com and Renjun’s stomach flipped. He was about to say they could pick something else, but then Jeno pressed play. Renjun pulled his blanket up to his neck. Okay. Whether or not Jeno realised that Renjun liked guys, it probably wasn’t the reason Jeno disliked him. Or disliked Moomin. Or whatever.

Renjun paid little attention to the movie. He was too busy thinking about how this fun Jeno was the same Jeno who’d stolen his Moomin socks. He was still certain that Jeno was the thief. He hadn’t simply lost them and there was nobody else who would do such a thing. Jeno had motive, he had access, and he had a long rap sheet of crimes against Moomin. All Renjun needed was what the movies called a smoking gun, but since he didn’t have any irrefutable evidence, he would have to demand a confession. The movie ended happily with a couple falling in love. It was the way all cheesy rom-coms were  supposed to end. He almost didn’t want to spoil the mood, since he and Jeno were finally getting along. But he had to know. He had to get Jeno to confess.

“This has been fun,” Renjun said. “We don’t celebrate Christmas back home, so this was my first real Christmas Eve. I’m glad I wasn’t here all alone.”

“Yeah, it was fun,” Jeno agreed.

Renjun folded his legs beneath him and turned to look at Jeno. “So in the spirit of Christmas, it’s time you confess.”

Jeno’s eyes went wide. “Confess? Confess what?”

“Confess that you stole my Moomin socks! Come on, I know you did it. Just admit it.”

“Oh, um…”

“I won’t get mad. I won’t slit your throat while you sleep. This is your Christmas escape pass.”

Jeno looked at Renjun sheepishly. “Okay, hold on.”

Jeno went to his room and returned a moment later with a small bundle in his hands.

“I took your socks. I had them in my backpack and then one day a drink spilled in there and ruined them. I’m sorry.”

He showed Renjun the socks, which had dark stains all over them. The white Moomin figures were now a muddy brown colour. Renjun started to laugh, tossing his head back as his laughter grew louder.

“Why were you carrying my socks around in your backpack, you weirdo?!”

“I’m sorry,” Jeno repeated. “I’ll leave Moomin alone from now on. I promise.”

“You better,” Renjun replied, narrowing his eyes and forming one hand into a fist.

“You said you wouldn’t get mad!”

Renjun’s glare softened. “I’m not mad. I’m actually glad to celebrate Christmas with someone. Why’d you stay?”

“I didn’t have anywhere else to go.”

“What about your family?”

Jeno shrugged.

Renjun wasn’t sure what that meant, but he didn’t pry. If Jeno wanted to tell him, he would. Holidays could put pressure on people about having the perfect family. His own parents couldn’t afford to fly him home for winter break. Maybe Jeno was facing something similar. But whatever the issue was, Renjun really was happy to have him here.

“I’m happy you’re here,” Renjun said.

Jeno smiled. “I’m happy you’re here too. Should we watch another movie?”

“Sure.”

“Something cheesy to fall asleep to?”

“Definitely.”

In the morning, Renjun woke to Jeno’s face a very short distance from his own. It gave his heart a shock. He remembered falling asleep on the sofa-bed last night while watching a movie, but he didn’t remember Jeno being so close to him.  

Renjun watched him for a moment, admiring the curves and angles that formed his perfect face. Thankfully his eyes were closed because if they were open, Renjun would surely drown. Renjun let himself look for exactly five seconds more before he forced himself to turn away. He didn’t want to be a creep, staring at his sleeping roommate.

Jeno stirred when Renjun sat up. He blinked sleepily and said hello. Then he suddenly realised that he’d nearly been sleeping on top of Renjun, so he scuttled back, putting some distance between them.

Renjun stood and shrugged on his robe. He stepped into his slippers, then grabbed his washkit, and staggered down to the shared washroom at the end of their hall. He passed Jeno on the way back to their suite, but neither of them said anything.

He made hot chocolate with whipped cream and buttered pan toast for breakfast, enough for both of them. After having such a good Christmas Eve, he hoped that Christmas Day wouldn’t be awkward just because they’d slept in the same bed. Maybe Jeno was okay with gay enough to watch a movie but not to share a bed.

When Jeno returned, he accepted Renjun’s breakfast and they told each other Merry Christmas. They climbed back into their sofa-bed nest and ate. Then Renjun said he had a present for Jeno.

It wasn’t a big deal, just something he’d thought of after Jeno asked him to dinner and a movie for Christmas Eve. Exchanging presents was a Christmas morning tradition in a lot of places, so in the spirit of Christmas, he’d wrapped his second pair of Moomin socks in white tissue paper and drew Jeno’s name on it in gold calligraphy ink. He’d affixed a piece of paper to it that was folded into the shape of a star, also decorated with golden ink. Inside he wrote a message about Jeno not needing to steal his socks anymore now that he had his own pair. He retrieved the package from his room and when he came back to the living room, he noticed that there was already a present, in a poinsettia patterned bag, sitting beneath the Christmas tree.

“What’s that?” Renjun asked, pointing to the bag.

“A Christmas present,” Jeno replied.

“For me?” Renjun sat down next to him.

“For you,” Jeno confirmed.

“Was that there last night?”

“I put it there this morning when you went to wash up.”

“Oh. Thank you.”

Renjun was truly surprised that Jeno was giving him a Christmas present. Not only that, but he’d even put it into a nice gift bag. It was very un-Grinchlike of him.

“Here, open mine. The star is a note, so you should read it first.”

Jeno pried the star from the present and unfolded it. A wide grin spread across his face as he read the message. Then he tore open the tissue paper to reveal the pair of pale yellow Moomin socks.

“Thank you,” Jeno said, laughing softly.  “I’ll treasure them.”

“Put them on,” Renjun insisted.

Jeno did as he was told. Then he reached for the gift bag and handed it to Renjun.

“It’s your turn,” Jeno told him.

Renjun opened the bag, reaching down into the swaths of silver tissue paper and pulling out a pair of pale yellow Moomin socks.

“You replaced them!” Renjun smiled.

“Yeah, I feel really bad about ruining your socks. I’m sorry.”

Renjun put the gift bag aside and unfolded the socks. He peeled off his plain white socks and slid the new ones over his feet. He stuck his legs out, next to Jeno’s. They matched. It was silly, but they both laughed.

“There’s something else in there too,” Jeno said. “I owed you the socks. So I got you an actual present as well.”

Renjun reached back into the bag and pulled out a small glass lantern painted with a Moomin winter scene. Inside the lantern there was a flameless votive candle. It was the same one he’d considered buying for himself.

“Thank you!” Renjun said, marvelling at the pretty blue sky and white sun, snowy hills and skiing Moomins.

“I know you like soft lighting in your room and since real candles are not allowed here, I thought you might enjoy this.”

Renjun flicked the candle’s switch and set it on the table, watching as light danced behind the scenery. “I love it,” he whispered.

Jeno’s lips brushed his cheek.

Renjun turned his head to look at him, stunned.

Jeno looked every bit as stunned as he was. “I…I’m sorry. I don’t know why I did that.”

Renjun stared at him, unblinking, heart skiing jumps in his chest. “It’s okay,” he said.

“It is?” Jeno asked.

Renjun swallowed. Then nodded.

Jeno leaned closer again, this time bringing his lips to Renjun’s. The kiss was soft. He tasted faintly of chocolate. And his scent, it was still so good. Renjun opened his mouth, kissing him deeper, letting their tongues meet inside. Jeno was so warm that Renjun’s entire body felt like it was melting.

Suddenly, Renjun drew back, one hand floating up to his lips.

“What’s wrong?” Jeno asked.

“My braces,” Renjun replied, a hint of self-consciousness in his voice. They were on the back side of his teeth and everything he read online said they wouldn’t cause any problems with kissing, but Renjun wanted to be sure. “Can you feel them?”

“I don’t notice anything,” Jeno said. “Except for the fact that I really like kissing you.”

Renjun giggled. “I like it too.”

“It would probably be better for you without these,” Jeno said, taking his glasses off, folding them and leaving them on the side table.

“It’s fine. You look good in glasses.”

“You look good in everything. School uniform, pyjamas, Moomin socks.”

“What? Seriously? I thought you hated me.”

“No, not at all. I mean, it probably seemed that way because I was avoiding you.”

“Why?”

Jeno tilted his head and smiled.“Because you’re so cute it seriously drives me crazy.”

Renjun’s mouth dropped open. “Is that why you were so mean to Moomin? Because you think I’m cute?”

Jeno laughed. “I was jealous, okay. You like Moomin so much more than you like me.”

Renjun joined his laughter. “I would have liked you more if you weren’t so mean to Moomin.”

Jeno pulled up the hem of Renjun’s pant leg and rubbed the Moomin at his ankle. “I’m sorry. To both of you. Think you can forgive me?”

Renjun leaned forward, capturing Jeno’s face with both hands, and kissed him.

Jeno slammed the freezer door closed. He held an ice cube directly in his fingers, touching it to his neck, just below his jaw, before spiralling it down his neck. He dipped between his collarbones, water pooling in the hollow there, and continued down to his chest, leaving a cool trail across both sides of his pectoral muscles.

The late summer day was hot. It was hot enough that he needed cooling down. The broken air conditioner perched in the living room window was no help. He considered sliding the ice around his nipples too, but then he noticed his new roommate standing in the doorway.

The ice cube slipped from his fingers, crashing to the linoleum floor where it shattered into fragments. Jeno bent over, busying himself with gathering the pieces, so he wouldn’t have to look at Renjun. He liked looking at Renjun. But not while he was shirtless, in the kitchen, running ice over his body. This was just embarrassing.

He’d already embarrassed himself enough, in the week since Renjun moved in. Forgetting his underwear on the washroom floor — twice, singing How Far I’ll Go from Moana when he thought he was home alone, and now this. Renjun probably thought he was a weirdo.

It didn’t help that they had nothing in common. He was muddling through a generic business degree that he hated, while Renjun studied art and even had some of his work highly visible in a mural on campus. He had a tennis scholarship, while Renjun had no interest in sports whatsoever. He stayed in his room at night playing games on his computer, while Renjun went out a lot and wore very little.

They didn’t speak much. But that was mostly due to Jeno being a recluse. He was shy with strangers. If his regular roommate Jaemin hadn’t decided to sublet his room, to spend the year studying abroad in Peru, he and Renjun would never have met. Jeno was sure of that.

“It’s hot,” Renjun said.

“Yeah, the air conditioner broke.”

“What? You’re kidding?”

“No, I mean, it was used when Jaemin bought it last summer, so it was already old.”

Renjun sighed, dramatically. “I moved in here because there was air con.”

Jeno stood up and tossed the broken ice into the sink. It wasn’t his fault that the damn thing broke. What did Renjun expect him to do?

“We have to get it fixed. Or buy a new one.”

“With what money?” Jeno snorted. He was on a budget. His only income was from his part time job at the juice shop on campus.

“Don’t you have a credit card?”

“Yeah, but it’s for emergencies only. And why are we talking about spending my money?”

“It’s your apartment. I just sublet.”

“I’ll get it fixed when I get paid on Friday. Relax.”

“I can’t,” Renjun snapped. “It’s too hot to relax.”

“What’s the big deal? You’re out every night anyway.”

“I’m not out every night. I just…my bed hasn’t been delivered yet. So I’ve been staying with my friend Jisung. His dorm has bunk beds and his roommate didn’t arrive until yesterday.”

“Why don’t you just sleep here? On the sofa.”

Renjun’s pretty little face scrunched up.

Oops.

Jeno had made up his mind not to get distracted by how pretty Renjun was. They were roommates. He didn’t want to make things even more awkward between them.

“Have you slept on that sofa?” Renjun asked.

“No.”

The sofa was also Jaemin’s. Something he’d picked up from the alley between their apartment building and a frat house. It was small but poufy, barely long enough to seat two people, and sitting on it felt like you were being sucked into a warp tunnel filled with barbed wire. He was pretty sure the springs inside were rusted.

“It smells like beer and jizz. I don’t know how you straight guys live like this.”

“I’m not straight,” Jeno blurted.

Renjun’s eyes widened, but just for a moment. “Oh, sorry. But my comment still stands.”

“I don’t drink beer. Or…jizz on the sofa,” Jeno said. “It’s Jaemin’s, actually. I think he got it from the frat house.”

“You should buy a new sofa.”

“Sure, I’ll get right on that. Anything else I can do for your majesty?”

“Your majesty? I have royal standards for not wanting to sleep on something that’s held together with duct tape and sperm?”

“Ew!” Jeno laughed. “Okay, I get it. The sofa is gross.”

He had another idea, but he wasn’t sure how it would go over.

“I guess you could sleep in my bed.”

Renjun wrinkled his nose. “Don’t tell me you’re going sleep on that disgusting sofa.”

“No.” Jeno rubbed his left ear. It was warm and probably red. “We could share the bed.”

Renjun’s mouth opened, in what Jeno assumed was protest.

“It’s queen sized, so there’s space. I could even pull it out to the living room and we can sleep with the balcony door open.”

“But you only have one pillow,” Renjun said.

“I…wait…how do you know that?” Jeno asked.

“I saw your room when Jaemin showed me the place.”

“And you remembered how many pillows are on my bed?”

Renjun shrugged. “I have a photographic memory I guess.”  

“You must ace all your exams.”

Renjun smiled. “It only applies to hot guys.”

Jeno grinned. “Me?”

“Please. You know you’re hot. Standing here, topless, icing your tits.”

“I’m so embarrassed you saw that,” Jeno chuckled.

“Don’t be. Like I said…it’s hot. Now why don’t you prepare the bed. I’m going to change into something less…stifling.”

This was it. Kun was finally fed up with him. Ten had always felt that they were on the verge of breaking up, even when they first got together. They bickered too much and had different tastes in almost everything. They didn’t make sense. Everyone could see it.

Kun is dating Ten?

People used to say that with surprise, like they couldn’t believe the two of them wanted to be together. It made Ten feel defiant. He would show them all by having Kun so whipped that he couldn’t see straight.

Ten didn’t want him to be straight or bi or whatever might take him away. He knew it wasn’t right, but he couldn’t help worrying that this was just a fluke. Kun hadn’t been with any other guys, perhaps he was just experimenting.

But that wasn’t the issue. The sex was amazing. He just didn’t want to be with Ten.

Ten couldn’t exactly blame him. He was needy, emotional, demanding. He’d been hurt by every guy who’d come before, so why would Kun be any different?

They’d fought over something stupid, Ten couldn’t even remember how it began. Kun had stormed out of the apartment. He didn’t call and he didn’t text. When he returned, hours later, he didn’t seek Ten out and make it all better. Instead, he locked himself in his room.

Like Ten was nothing.

From their smallest spats to their biggest blowouts, Kun always came to Ten first. He was the peacemaker, calming Ten’s choppy sea, renewing Ten’s faith that love could overcome anything. Even if Kun was too practical to agree to such a dramatic declaration.

But Kun was done. He didn’t want to try anymore. That’s what had been running through Ten’s mind all day.

Ten felt weary as he dragged himself out of bed. He padded into the hall and over to the next door. He hesitated. Then he knocked.

“Come in.”

Kun’s voice sounded calm. He obviously hadn’t been crying at all. Did he even care?

“Kun,” Ten sniffed.

Kun swivelled around in his desk chair. “Ten.”

“Are you…” Ten chewed his lip. “Are you sick of me?”

“No.”

Ten breathed a sigh of relief, which turned into a groan of confusion. “Then why have you been ignoring me?”

“Because I wanted you to come to me for a change.”

“What?”

“Whenever we fight, I always apologise. Even if I wasn’t in the wrong. I always try to settle things because I love you and I want to make you happy. But sometimes it feels one-sided, like I’m the only one trying.”

“No!” Ten insisted. “It’s not one-sided. I love you too and I don’t want to fight over stupid things or anything at all.”

“Then why is this the first time you’ve ever come to me first?”

“I…” Ten paused. “I don’t know.”

“I have an idea,” Kun replied. “It’s because you take me for granted.”

“That’s not true! I…I…”

It wasn’t true. As different as they were in their ideas and how they approached things, he respected and admired Kun. He truly loved Kun. But he was scared that one day Kun wouldn’t love him anymore.

Other guys had said that they loved him. But they were lying. If they loved him, then they wouldn’t have cheated on him.

“I just need reassurance,” Ten said, at last. “You know how guys have treated me in the past.”

“I’m not those guys!”

“Yeah, that’s what they all said.”

Kun sighed. “Did it ever occur to you that I might need some reassurance too?”

Ten blinked. It hadn’t. He’d been so focused on making sure Kun belonged to him. He forgot to consider how Kun might feel.

“I’m sorry,” Ten said. “I never meant to make you feel like this is one-sided or that I take you for granted or that you’re like anybody else.” He stepped closer, then closer again, until he was close enough to settle on Kun’s lap. “Because none of that is true. And I’ll give you all the reassurance you need.” He circled his arms around Kun’s neck. “You don’t even have to ask.”

“I don’t, huh?” Kun smiled. “Can we turn this into Kun appreciation day?

1.

“I don’t want you,” Jeno said. “I’ll never want you.”

Those were the first words he spoke to the boy, once the caravan arrived from the north. They were only thirteen, too young to be married. Yet they had been promised to each other to ensure peace for their tribes. Jeno stood haughty in his blue silks, gazing upon the strange boy with utter disdain. Renjun looked even younger than his years, swaddled in the furs of the northern plainsmen.

“Good,” Renjun replied. “Now get out of my sight, you ugly dog.”

They were only children back then. Foolish children.

2.

Jeno was to spend every summer in the north. It was part of the agreement. Once they were of age, he and Renjun would get married. Until then, they each spent a season at the other’s home.

Renjun was from the mountains. The air was thin up there, leaving Jeno too winded to join hunts. He learned to forage for medicinal herbs instead and Renjun laughed at him when his hands came away scathed by thorns and bracts.

During winters, Renjun would stay in Jeno’s village by the sea. They wrestled in the mud flats, a sport popular amongst local youth, and Jeno easily won. He laughed when shoving Renjun’s delicate face into the muck.

3.

They wore fine silks and false smiles, silencing their discontent as people cooed about what a lovely couple they made. There was nothing lovelier than deceit. Their relationship was a sham. They had no choice in the matter. Rather than forming a friendship, they resented each other.

“This is my betrothed, Hwang Injoon,” Jeno said, his voice dripping with thinly concealed contempt.

“It’s Huang Renjun,” Renjun corrected. “And I forgive you, my betrothed, for you are unskilled at speech.”

Jeno stopped introducing him to guests at the new year’s festival. In fact, he stopped speaking of or to Renjun for the remainder of the celebration.

4.

Raiders approached Renjun’s village from the west. Though they were not yet married and he was not bound to defend the tribe, Jeno readily donned his bow and a sheath of arrows and rode out to the steppe. He was a very good rider and an even better shooter. He rode alongside several of the tribe’s greatest warriors and successfully defended the village.

But not without taking smoke damage from the grass fire the raiders lit on their retreat. He was coughing terribly, gasping for air, all the way back to the village. He barely made it.

Renjun ran to Jeno immediately and brought him to his tent. He fed him water, alternating with herbal teas, rinsed his nasal passages, and had him swallow medicinal syrup. He boiled herbs in water to add moisture to the air and clear his head. He gently rubbed Jeno’s back until Jeno fell asleep.

5.

The wedding was mere weeks away. Though it was summer, Jeno remained in his village awaiting the preparations. Renjun had joined him, shortly after his birthday. They were both of age now, so they would soon have a ceremony to unite them as members of Jeno’s tribe. Then they would proceed north to the mountains, where they would have another ceremony, uniting them as members of Renjun’s tribe.

Their people would protect and defend each other from enemies high and low. And they would live harmoniously together for the rest of their lives. As it was promised so many years ago.

Renjun often took long walks on the beach with Jeno. He said he enjoyed the sunset over the sea and the sensation of warm water splashing over his feet. Jeno enjoyed his pretty smile and the soft sound of his voice. But he didn’t dare speak of such things. Not yet.

“I do not hate you, my betrothed,” Jeno said, as they stood gazing at the sea.

“Nor do I hate you, my betrothed,” Renjun replied.

“I…I rather like you,” Jeno added, carefully.

Renjun looked at him curiously. “I like you as well.”

“I would very much like to kiss you,” Jeno said. “If you no longer find me an ugly dog.”