Lamb

Daniel Frey

Just gonna state the facts, then after I’ll ramble about whatever metaphors and symbolism I write into his character.

Daniel is 19, working as the nurse intern aboard the Tulpar. He’s paired with Anya, and basically acts like her assistant, doing menial tasks regarding the med bay while he completes his own course work. He took up the internship for a few reasons; to get out of the house, probably for some sort of college credit, and/or because his mother insisted it would look good in a resume. 

(Background)

I’ll put this first in order to contextualize some of his behavior. Daniel’s family life is incredibly rocky, his father being a narcissist. Daniel himself is a product of rape, his father assaulted his mother in order to trap her in a marriage, which unfortunately worked. Despite this, Daniel’s mother tried her best, being there for him when he needed, but she wasn’t without her own shortcomings. Daniel was raised with his narcissistic father and codependent mother, and in order to cope with everyday life, he took after his mother. He fawned for his father, walking on eggshells, grew hypervigilant of his mood and tone, etc., all to keep the peace in the household. Submission and obedience were carved into his bones, even as he reached adulthood, his father still ruled their house with an iron fist. Daniel joined the Tulpar crew largely to find an escape for his home life, desperate to break free from the constant cycle of abuse. Daniel is a trans man, pre-op and pre-T, so he’s aware of how he appears to others. He was named Rosalyn at birth, and raised and socialized as a woman. This identity of womanhood also weighed heavily on him as well, as you can imagine, his father didn’t have the most stable or respectful view of women, or queer people. All this being said, Daniel was raised in a very specific environment, one that cultured him into being prone to severe codependency and trauma bonding, because that’s all he knew. 

(Pre-crash)

Weeks into the flight, Daniel had finally started to open up, acting more genuine and confident. His personality is more mellow than Daisuke’s, but he has a good sense of humor, especially at inappropriate times. He’s a pretty stereotypical angsty teenager at times, sarcastic and tired, but that’s all combined with his sense of empathy and people pleasing tendencies. I.e., if you know who April Ludgate from Parks and Recreation is, he acts like her, but a bit more nice. Despite coming out of his shell, he still acts a little strangely from Curly’s pre-crash POV. Spacing out, forgetting things, flinching often , jumping in to try and appease the situation a little too quickly, but Curly being Curly, he doesn’t focus on the warning signs. Possibly the most obvious display of Daniel’s struggles from Curly’s segments would be the party scene, where Jimmy blows up and shouts at him about being laid off. While the others have their own dialogue, Daniel is completely silent, his head bowed, hands in his lap, like a child being scolded. The situation was painfully similar to thing’s he’d dealt with at home, with an angry man yelling over the dinner table. Daniel strives for praise from those around him, especially those in authority, like Curly or Anya, even Jimmy. 

(Relationships)

Curly: Being an intern, I imagine Daniel is maybe a little intimidated by him, as he is with most men older than him. However, he grows to see Curly as well intentioned, but a little ignorant. I have this idea in my head that he’s one of those people who try to be supportive to a trans person, but just end up being awkward about it. Daniel finds it funny.

Jimmy: At this point, Daniel doesn’t exactly like Jimmy that much. He gives him this weird feeling at times, he can sense there’s something about him that isn’t like the others. He can’t exactly put his finger on it now, but later he realizes it’s because Jimmy reminded him of his father, just a little bit. He’s still courteous, but definitely gives him weird looks and avoids talking to him if he looks a little too irritated at the world. This is just me projecting but tbh Jimmy gives me the vibe that he’s passively transphobic, like he’ll call Daniel by his chosen name and masculine pronouns, but only because he doesn’t want the others thinking he’s an asshole, not because he actually cares about Daniel’s feelings or identity.

Anya: He adores Anya, as a mentor and a friend. He likes being able to talk freely with her, they probably share a similar set of values and humor. There’s also the fact that she’s the only woman in a ship full of cis men, so he feels more comfortable being around her anyway. I think I can equate their relationship as a closeted highschool student and their hip English teacher that they spend lunch with. 

Daisuke: Being the two youngest members of the crew, (I think Daisuke is around his age, maybe 19-20), they’re definitely good buddies. They talk about video games and pokemon and things they miss about being on earth, like wifi. Though, I do think if they weren’t forced into proximity and isolation, like if they went to college together, they probably wouldn't really talk. They’re just parts of different crowds. Daisuke is active and outgoing, he plays sports, while Daniel would usually keep to himself on earth, the kind of guy to only really have two or three close friends and no one else.

Swansea: Again, Daniel was initially intimidated by him, a lot, and he still is, but not as much anymore. Mostly it’s because Swansea seems like a decent guy, but Daniel just has a hard time reading him, and that makes him nervous. I think Swansea would see him as (surprisingly) slightly more tolerable than Daisuke, because he’s a bit more level headed and soft spoken. 

(Post-crash)

Daniel changes drastically after the incident, and in the time skip, he’s messily chopped his hair, covered up, and has stopped wearing his binder, and has stopped taking good care of himself in general. He’s lost hope at this point, and is only really going through the motions, because the dynamic between himself, Anya, and Jimmy is the only familiar thing he can grasp onto, even if it’s far from healthy or kind. Daniel’s mellow personality shifts to timidness, depression, and an unwillingness to stand up or speak for himself. He’s grown to be massively pessimistic, acknowledging that he believes that they’re all going to die. He follows Jimmy around like a lost puppy, fawning and appeasing him to keep the tension low. When he isn’t entertaining Jimmy, he heels at Anya’s side like a guard dog, afraid to leave her alone, even losing sleep over it. He bows his head, taking Jimmy’s verbal abuse and comments, but whenever Jimmy directs it towards Anya, he leaps up to defend her, even redirecting Jimmy’s abuse onto himself. He practically begs for comfort and validation, just needing someone to tell him that he’s doing good because he’s so lost and afraid. Essentially, he regressed to the trauma responses of himself at seven years old. 

(Relationships)

Curly: Daniel holds a love hate relationship with him. He hates Curly for putting them in this situation, for not doing anything about Jimmy. Meanwhile, he also deeply understands and relates to him, given that he’s now taken up the mantle of appeasing Jimmy, stepping right in where Curly left. He will linger in the med bay at times and speak to him, just vent about everything and tell him how much he hates him, how sorry he is, how much he hates himself, and he feels guilty taking advantage of the fact that Curly can’t leave or respond or refute anything Daniel says. It’s a vicious cycle, because as much as Daniel is angry at Curly, he’s also angry at himself. They’re much more similar than either care to admit, and maybe they always have been.

Jimmy: Daniel simultaneously despises him and grasps at any bit of praise or attention he offers. Jimmy takes advantage of this. Jimmy essentially treats Daniel like a lap dog, a pet, rather than a human being. He knows he can kick him around, and Daniel will still scurry back for whatever crumbs he gives him. It makes Jimmy feel in control, powerful, important. Daniel is both lost in the toxicity of the relationship and painfully self aware of the hole he’s dug himself into. Sometimes Daniel wishes he could tear his head off, and sometimes he clings to him like a lifeline. This all stems back to Daniel’s background- Jimmy reminds him of his father, not only in his personality, but in his actions, what he did to Anya- and he simply crumpled back into the mold he was pressed into by his family. 

Anya: At times, Daniel is like velcro on her side, refusing to let her out of his sight. He’s too scared of Jimmy, too scared to let something bad happen again, especially because he projects the image of his own mother onto Anya. He feels responsible for protecting her, because of the pregnancy (to which she told him about shortly after the crash), and because of her dynamic with Jimmy, it’s like he’s defending a past version of his own mother from his father. Anya loathes the position she was put into, trying to manage herself, Curly, all while watching Daniel tear himself apart just to try and keep the ship quiet. After all, Daniel is the only other soul on the ship that understands the horror, the fear, the violation of abuse in this capacity, and she’s watching him fall right back into line.

Daisuke: Daniel has all but retracted into himself at this point, neglecting the relationship that he and Daisuke had. Daisuke notices, and it upsets him that the only person he felt like he could relate to is now pretending like he doesn’t exist. 

Swansea: Again, Daniel doesn’t pay much attention to him, or his intern. Of course, Daniel shrinks in his presence, especially given his resurfacing struggles with addiction. Swansea is probably extremely annoyed by how desperately Daniel bends over backwards for approval, especially for a man like Jimmy. Two words to describe Swansea’s feelings about Daniel at this point would be “pity” and “annoyance”. He knows what’s going on, he isn’t blind, or stupid, he simply doesn’t find it in himself to have the knowledge or motivation to fix it. 

(Death)

Daniel’s death (sorta) happens after Anya’s and before Daisuke’s. Seeing Anya’s death shook something in Daniel, broke him, and finally flipped a switch in his brain to act instead of bending infinitely. When Jimmy leaves Daisuke with Swansea, injured and bleeding out, in order to find mouthwash in an attempt to “help”, Daniel wordlessly gets up and begins to follow him. Swansea says nothing, only focusing on Daisuke, because deep down, he knew Daniel was going to do something drastic, and he wasn’t going to convince him otherwise. Daniel swipes one of the hammers from the maintenance room as he silently follows Jimmy to the cargo hold. As Jimmy roots around, Daniel corners him, confronts him, and attacks him. This ends poorly, because despite getting a hit in, Daniel is weaker and smaller than Jimmy, so Jimmy throws him off and takes the hammer. At this point, Jimmy sees Daniel as a threat, and chases after him, as Daniel runs. Daniel flees up the staircase to the upper catwalks in the cargo hold, but Jimmy catches up with him, and they tussle until Jimmy throws Daniel against one of the railings of the catwalk (which are probably damaged from the crash, if not already old and creaky). The railing pops, and leaves Daniel lying across it, halfway suspended over the massive drop to the ground. There’s a tense moment of silence, both afraid to move, but Daniel reaches out a shaky hand, silently asking for help, for Jimmy to not let him fall. Jimmy thinks about it, but he ultimately stays still, and ignores his plea. After a few more moments, Daniel shifts, the last bolt pops, and he falls to the ground. Jimmy continues on, cue the scary ass horse segment, and then finally gets his hands on the mouthwash. When he circles back on the ground floor, he comes across Daniel’s body. He’s broken and bloody, but he’s alive, his breaths wheezing and pained. Daniel snapped his spine, broke several bones, even suffering from globe luxation on his right side (eye popped out of socket from blunt force). He was paralyzed and freezing, and Jimmy delivers a speech that parallels Swansea’s speech to Daisuke before killing him. However, instead of killing Daniel, Jimmy’s idea of mercy is to leave him alive. Daniel was alive for hours, in excruciating pain, until he eventually succumbed to a mix of hypothermia and blood loss. The cargo holds of most aircrafts and ships aren’t exactly kept up to the same living standards/temperatures as the rest of the inhabited areas, and I don’t think Pony Express would shell out the money for the fuel or system to head the massive cargo hold, so it’s probably nearly freezing in there, especially since they’re in the middle of space.

(Symbolism and other rambling) 

OKAY FINALLY I CAN TALK ABOUT THIS. First starting with the big idea, Daniel’s family back home is represented in his relationship with Anya, Jimmy, and Curly. Jimmy represents his father, while both Anya and Curly represent his mother in different ways. Anya symbolizes his mother as a victim, and Curly is his mother as a guardian. As a victim, Daniel heavily empathizes with his mother, he sees himself in her suffering and isolation, it’s the part of his mother he jumped to defend. On the other hand, Daniel is furious with his mother as a guardian, as he is with Curly. His mother stayed with his father, she allowed the abuse to continue for years, decades, she prolonged the cycle, just like how Curly enabled Jimmy. He expected protection, but Curly allowed Jimmy to fester, he allowed him to get away with assaulting Anya, he allowed the very obvious signs that Jimmy was also beginning to target Daniel, grooming him to be an emotional feed, someone to fulfill his desire to feel important. Yet, again, Daniel can’t help but relate to that, being trapped by a narcissist that used him as a feed.

Going back to Jimmy, he treats Daniel almost exactly how his father used to treat him, which is why he so readily fell into that dynamic. When Daniel isn’t fawning over Jimmy, Jimmy despises how much Daniel defends Anya, seeing that relationship as Anya coercing Danny as a pawn, a hint of Jimmy not granting Daniel humanity or autonomy, just a tool, or a pet. Also the familial connection between Anya and Daniel, as well as Curly and Daniel, draws into the fact that Daniel himself was also the product of rape. Anya’s maternal role with Danny connects with her own pregnancy, and Curly representing the unborn fetus (something entirely dependent on Anya to survive), also ties to Daniel. Daniel sees himself in Curly, in the continuance of the cycle of abuse, in being a child conceived from rape. His anger towards Curly loops right back around to being a metaphorical hatred of himself, of his position in the cycle, and his existence as a rape baby. It’s solidified with the position of Jimmy as his metaphorical father, while also being Anya’s rapist. Additionally, “Rosalyn”, Daniel’s dead name, means something along the lines of “gentle” or “tender horse”. “Tender” and “gentle” are both a reference to the identity of a victim being forced on him, as well as being raised a woman, having the stereotypical gender roles of a woman forced onto him as well. The “horse” part also draws back to the horse fetus in the game being a symbol of Anya’s pregnancy, and therefore, tying Daniel again to being a child of rape. Daniel himself feels immense guilt for his own conception, he feels like he ruined his mother’s life, that he’s a walking reminder of cruelty and abuse, and therefore also uses his relationship with Jimmy as a form of punishment for himself. He feels like he needs to atone for existing, for being the outcome of something so awful, so that’s another reason why he hates himself (and Curly by that metaphorical connection) so much.

Another massive part of his symbolism is the image of a dog. His relationship with Jimmy, as described earlier, was that of a pet, a lapdog, something stupidly loyal and desperate for attention and praise. It also tells how Jimmy viewed Daniel not as a person, but as something below him, something to train and direct. He never granted Daniel autonomy or humanity, seeing his actions as either directed from Jimmy himself or Anya’s “coercion”. Then there’s also the position of Daniel being a guard dog for Anya, taking the brunt of Jimmy’s abuse (with varying success) on sheer instinct, because that’s how he was trained. 

There’s also Laika, the soviet space dog, which I’m sure many have heard the story before but I’ll explain it anyway for the sake of continuity. Laika was the first living animal to orbit the earth, but when the scientists sent her up, they never had intentions of getting her back down. She ended up dying in space after two or so orbits, the cabin of the spacecraft overheating, then plummeting back to earth, disintegrating and landing in the ocean. Daniel is tied to this concept of Laika, such as sacrificing himself for a sort of martyrdom, being sent up into space with no real plan for coming back down, since he boarded the Tulpar to escape his house, and didn’t really plan for anything else in the future. I also have the idea that, despite being tied so heavily with the idea of Laika, Curly is the one that receives the name for her (Laika was also called Curly by the scientists), because Daniel was not given the liberty to die with his own name. Those who knew him on earth will not remember him as Daniel, just like despite leaning into Laika’s symbolism, he isn’t granted the identity. 

Daniel’s whole death sequence is supposed to be a metaphor for him trying to break the cycle, to confront his trauma with his own father, but ultimately failing. A lot of Daniel’s character is connected to the concept of cycles, even in his design. The ring necklace being a circle, the ouroboros graphic on his band t-shirt he wears pre-crash, are also references to repeating cycles. That death sequence, if you think about it, is also a circle. He confronts Jimmy on the ground, is chased up the catwalks, only to fall right back down to the ground, where he started. Just like how an abusive relationship circles back around, Daniel reached out to Jimmy again as he was about to fall, about to repeat the cycle of repulsion and attraction, etc. 

In general, I guess I can say that Daniel’s story is a narrative about how refusing to confront his own trauma and fight back against it ultimately lead to him repeating it till death. Also, the concept of Daniel being paralyzed and freezing to death is another reference to his repetition of cycles, he was too cemented, “frozen”, “paralyzed” in his own trauma responses that he never changed at all. 

(More things I can’t think of where to sandwich them)

Daniel changes appearance from pre to post-crash. Covering himself with the boiler suit is a visual cue to him retreating in on himself, guarding himself, including the medical gloves. Also, the uniform doesn’t fit him, it’s too tight, a reference to the constricting feeling of having an identity that doesn’t fit him forced onto him. Also probably says something about how Pony Express did not consider him when providing the uniform.

Daniel wants to be a vet, and is taking a gap year in order to do the internship on the Tulpar.

He has cats, and often misses them.

He draws on Anya’s sticky notes in the med bay, Anya has a love-hate relationship with that habit. She likes his doodles, but she only has so many sticky notes

Daniel is only afraid of Anya when the board games come out.

He is afraid of heights.

He tried the mouthwash once, got violently ill, and then immediately wallowed in guilt over the fact that Anya had to use some medical supplies on him. He then vowed to never touch it again.

Radiohead fan. (derogatory)

I have a spotify playlist for him that is 10 hours long

OOhhh my god that took so so so long. Anyway I hope any of this made sense like even a little bit. Comments and questions appreciated if you got this far :3

Anyway, he's my single celled organism that I smash flat with a coffee mug all the time.