Partners til the end

Similarly to Chloe, who learns something about herself and her relationship on her own in this episode, Lucifer also comes to an important conclusion by himself. It's actually pretty devastating and my heart aches for him because he thinks he knows why Chloe didn't pick him or why she picked Pierce.

But kudos to him for finally understanding and attempting to step back and let Chloe have what he thinks she wants. He sees his own shortcomings and wants her to be happy - even if it is without him.

Lucky for him, she has come to the opposite conclusion and has decided that safe and dependable is not something she wants - at least not with Pierce. And so he doesn't tell her what he has learned, which a part of me wishes he did because then they could have talked about it. But patience, only one more episode to go.

You know what is important to me? That Chloe comes to the decision to break up with Pierce on her own, without any grand gesture from Lucifer, with him actually nowhere near her in this episode. She has been struggling with her decision to marry Pierce for a bit, which hasn't really felt like a thing she should do to begin with, but now she has finally worked through it.

Look at her face when she realizes that no, Marcus is not her everything. That her heart belongs to someone else and maybe she has been doing all of this to get away from these feelings. To convince herself to be a person she is not, to be with a man who seems stable and dependable. The safe choice instead of the wildcard that is the man she loves.

The devastation in Lucifer's eyes when he sees Chloe accept Pierce's proposal. He was finally ready to tell her how he feels and then he sees he is too late. It's absolutely heartbreaking and I just want to hug him and tell him everything is going to be alright in the end.

Lucifer's face and his eyes in this scene. Just look at how devastated and heartbroken he is. I feel for him and his own inability to express his feelings. He loves Chloe and feels like he just blew his last chance with her because he couldn't just tell her how he feels.

And then the line that breaks me into a million little pieces: "I want her to choose me." Because noone has ever chosen Lucifer. And all he wants is for Chloe to choose him, really choose him, and be with her.

Thank God for Linda! She finally gets him to get up and fight for Chloe and tell her how he feels. Because she knows he's making excuses and is just afraid. Too bad she wasn't there a little earlier.

When Lucifer says in 6x09 that he's bad with dates, this immediately came to my mind, because, man, does he royally screw up this one. Instead of reading the room and realizing what Chloe wants him to say, he focuses on one-upping Pierce.

He is so preoccupied with making sure she doesn't take back Pierce, that he doesn't realize this is not about Chloe not choosing Pierce. This is his chance to finally tell her why he's been acting the way he has for the last weeks. To tell her how he feels.

And it's not like she lets him off the hook easily. She asks again and again and tries to push him in the right direction. She clearly wants him to finally tell her, but he either just doesn't get the hint or can't do it. A little bit of both probably.

So she leaves and later decides to accept Pierce's proposal. Because he actually tells her how he feels and how he wants to commit to her. Because she has been waiting for Lucifer to do this for ages - and this, in her eyes, was his last chance. For now.

It kills me how hopeful she looks. And what was she supposed to think? In the span of an hour he has organized a romantic date and he's telling her he wants to talk about their future. Clearly, she finally thinks he'll be able to tell her what she thinks she already knows.

And it's not like she hasn't given him chance after chance, hint after hint. He just needs to say something, anything, and she'll be his. Which is so frustrating because he just doesn't. And I just want to grab him and shake him. But he can't and will realize his mistake just a little bit too late.

I really like how the case in this episode speaks for Chloe and Lucifer's feelings. I especially love this first little moment because Chloe is like "Are you listening to this? I thought you were smart and you're just not getting this, are you?"

I also feel that this speaks a lot for her feelings in season 3 in general. "You don't get to pick who you fall in love with". And boy, does she know it. After what happened in season 2, Chloe has tried for most of the season to put her feelings for Lucifer behind her. But she just can't.

And then there is this moment, right after they've had their talk at the penthouse. The closest Lucifer comes to actually tell Chloe he loves her without telling her (which he won't be able to do for quite a long time).

I love Lucifer with all my heart but man, he's clueless sometimes. And parts of this episode are just painful to watch. He has no idea how to behave around Chloe after her break-up with Pierce and so he tries to put Pierce down and show Chloe he's a much better choice.

Not only is he overstepping a lot here, he's also not getting what she almost explicitly tells him: This is not about stuff, about Pierce or about who is the better choice. It's about the men in Chloe's life, especially Lucifer, not being able to tell her how they feel.

When he sees her devastated like this, he knows who is responsible. He doesn't even need to asks because he knows that Pierce did this. He hurt her and if there is one thing Lucifer can't take is seeing Chloe hurt.

Still sleep-deprived and highly emotional, he goes to Pierce's house. Finally all of his anger seems to be directed at the right person. It's as if he's been holding back before, but finally lets himself loose, lashing out at Pierce.

And it feels justified because Pierce used Chloe and her feelings for him. The irony is that Pierce actually hurt her this time because he developed feelings for her and broke up with her because he doesn't want to use her like this anymore.

This scene! My heart breaks every time I watch it. His face and her face and all the pain. It's just too much. They're both hurting and just can't find a way to communicate.

She tries to understand what is going on with him. And he tries to tell her the truth, he really tries. And she wants to be patient, but all she can see is that he's erratic, he's rambling, he hasn't slept in a week. So she doesn't believe him. And it's not that she's wrong: he's projecting his feelings.

But then there is the almost "I love Pierce" part. And a little (big) part of me is just so happy she never actually says she loves Pierce. She stops herself because she knows this would hurt Lucifer. Because she knows it's not the truth. Because she actually loves him.

And so there is a glimpse of hope, which all I need in this stretch of painful episodes. Hope that this will all work out. Even if things get worse before they get better (which they do).

Letting her make her own choices is always his top priority. Even if it hurts him. So much. His face speaks volumes here, his eyes just full of emotion. And you can see in her eyes that this is hurting her, too.

You can see that Chloe is so not comfortable talking about her relationship with Pierce. Or Lucifer knowing that they are dating. She's caught in the middle, not wanting to hurt him, but also trying to actually have a relationship with Pierce, moving on.

On the one hand, I applaud Lucifer's growth in this episode. He has realized that he cannot really control who someone wants to be with and he wants and lets Chloe make her own decisions. Her free will, her choice is most important to him.

But on the other hand, I also want to scream at the screen each time I watch this because if he had just stayed, they could have made this work. She clearly wants him to stay, to fight for them, to just tell her how he feels. But he doesn't and he leaves. Telling her he has a bachelorette party to attend.

And SHE. CALLS. PIERCE. Because he's leaving, again. And she cannot do this anymore and needs somebody to actually be there for her. And as much as she wants Lucifer to be that person, he doesn't seem to want to be that person. Which is just so frustrating because he does. Argh.

In between the heartbreak that is this part of season 3, there are small moments like this that give me hope. As soon as the killer is taken care of, she is all he thinks and cares about. Rushing to her side, hoping she's not badly hurt.

He's so gentle with her, holding her like she's the most precious, like she's breakable. His first and foremost instinct is to protect her and seeing her hurt like this isn't easy for him. Which I just wish Chloe could see.

Hearing that Chloe thinks Pierce is a good man is an eye-opener for Lucifer. He doesn't really get why Chloe would go out with him at first, but this gives him more insight. And I also think he thinks he isn't a good man. Not good enough for Chloe anyway.

Have you ever seen a heart break in a million little pieces? Because watching Chloe go out with Pierce is crushing Lucifer. And yes, Lucifer, yes you've made a horrible mistake that you will regret for a while.

Pushing Chloe away instead of just telling her the truth was not the most brilliant plan he's ever had. Showing her she doesn't really matter to him for the whole episode (and being super-preoccupied with his problems the whole season), this feels like a logical consequence. It's still so painful.