i'm scared of people

“What’s an akuma?” the person, obviously a boy their age, asked, his head tilted in question. Chat Noir’s ear twitched toward the barely audible but distinct sound of something whirring as the boy’s masked eyes contracted with his movements.

“So, that’s a no then,” Chat Noir interjected. “But how are you doing that?”

“Doing what?”

“Standing upside down on the school’s ceiling?”

The person shifted around, almost nervously, and replied with a tiny voice, “I could ask the same about you two, balancing on a silver pole in mid-air like that.” There was a beat of silence, then he asked with a louder voice, “Are those superhero costumes?”

“Well, yes,” Chat Noir answered almost too proudly, fists on his hips and chest jutting out, the bell on his collar tinkling, “We’re superheroes, after all!”

Ladybug rolled her eyes, but her lips were quirked in an indulgent smile. “Chat, not the time,” she said, at the same time the other boy said:

“Cool! I’m a superhero, too!”

There was a bit of a pause, then Ladybug blinked and stared at the boy. “You’re also a Miraculous holder?”

“What’s a—what’s a ‘Miraculous’?” the boy asked, tilting his head. “And why would I hold it?” he added in a confused whisper.

“It’s what we…” Ladybug trailed off, shaking her head, then said, “no, never mind. If you’re a superhero too, then I guess it’s okay to introduce ourselves. I’m Ladybug.”

“And I’m Chat Noir,” Chat Noir said, saluting grandiosely.

“You can call me Spider-Man,” the boy—Spider-Man—said, the smile audible in his voice. “So… you have superpowers, too?”

“I guess so,” Ladybug said uncertainly, shrugging. “I can… purify butterflies?”

”I can destroy anything I touch,” Chat added, flexing his claws.

“Nice!” Spider-Man exclaimed, tone very appreciative, “So you guys were bitten, too, right?”

“…what do you mean?”

“Bitten by a ladybug—“ he pointed at Ladybug, then at Chat Noir “—and a cat, right?”

The two Parisian superheroes looked at each other in confused silence. “What?” they asked together.

“I was bitten by a radioactive spider and it gave me superpowers,” Spider-Man explained jovially, as though commenting on how nice the weather was. “I’m guessing it’s the same for you guys.”

“...Plagg tried to bite me once but I don’t think he’s radioactive,” Chat Noir murmured, a bit confused. “Is he? LB, are kwamis radioactive?”

‘Chat Noir enters her warmth’

Huh, what? Her warmth? A typo? Maybe the writer meant ‘her warm room’.

He should write a comment correcting them after this.

‘Marinette gasps at the stinging pain as she feels his hardness push deep inside of her’

Pain? His hardness? Pushing inside her?

Whoa, was this a murder fic? Was Chat Noir murdering Marinette right now? Did he stab her with a knife? Was that what ‘smut’ meant? Murder?!

Horrified, he skimmed further down to the next couple of paragraphs, where there seemed to be some dialogue. He was hoping Marinette in the fanfic survives.

‘-It’s so hot inside you, Mari,- Chat Noir whispers against the crook of his lover’s neck’

…wait.

‘-Ch-Chat,- Marinette moans, her fingers tangling through Chat Noir’s blonde locks, -please, slowly, you’re too big…-’

…what was this? This didn’t sound like murder at all.

Fingers trembling over his mouse, Adrien scrolled further down, not really believing what he was reading.

This wasn’t—

‘Chat Noir’s tongue battles for domination over Marinette’s, their moans mixing together in a sinful duet’

It couldn’t be—

‘Marinette pushes her hips against Chat Noir’s, granting him access to her deepest parts’

Did ‘smut’ mean—?!

He read on, out of sheer fascination.

There was definitely no other reason he would read this, not at all.

‘Their rhythm becomes erratic as Chat Noir pounds his length wantonly into his writhing, panting partner. Her legs wrap tightly around his waist, her hips moving just as erratically, her voice growing louder with each of his thrusts.

He feels his release coming soon. She feels too good around him, and he knows she is also approaching her peak. -I’m coming, Mari, my love,- Chat Noir barely manages to gasp, pressing his forehead against hers.

-Together,- Marinette says breathlessly, looking up at her hero with bright, loving eyes.

That word from his lover coupled with that look in her eyes drives him over the edge.

With an animalistic growl, Chat Noir digs his claws into Marinette’s hips and lifts her up towards him. He thrusts into her harder, and deeper, and faster, and she gasps, and moans, and tugs at his hair, and squeezes him between her thighs—’

“Adrien?”

Adrien jolted and almost knocked his mouse from his desk.

His palms were clammy, and he had beads of sweat on his forehead.

Since when was his room this hot? Did Plagg mess with the thermostat?

“Yo, dude, you still there?” came Nino’s voice from his speakers, and Adrien remembered they were voice chatting, “you said you’d read me that ‘smap’ thing but you went radio silent.”

Right.

Right, he was going to read this to Nino…

…like hell he would!

There was no way he would actually read something like this to his friend. Who even wrote this? Why did they even write this?