What now?
We spent four days in hospital after giving birth. Going into labour on a Friday meant that there was no-one around to take a look at a side ‘discovery’ from my pregnancy, a grapefruit sized cyst on one of my kidneys, until the Monday so we had little choice in the matter.
As it was my time in hospital was magical and with the blessing of the nursing staff, I actually extended my stay until the Tuesday because we still hadn't quite got the hang of breastfeeding. High on the euphoria of giving birth the fact that I had been through a long and gruelling labour only to end up having an emergency c-section didn't affect me straight away. I was hooked up to a catheter to ensure I got some bed rest and offered an NHS fry up. In an unexpected development we also happily discovered that a couple from our NCT group had ended up in the bed next to us.
And so, over the next few days I was able to slowly start learning how to be a mother with the kind support of the NHS staff on the ward, who were available at the touch of a button with the added bonus of having my friend in the bed next to me to debate all the important stuff...”have you had your first wee yet?.”
To this day the bond my husband and I have with our friends in the next bed is stronger than all our other NCT friendships because of the time we spent together in hospital. Whilst we were learning about our babies we also managed to make ourselves feel sane by sharing our hair dryers and straighteners, gossiping about the other patients who shared our room and ordering takeaway pizza to share in the evening.
Discharge took an entire day. I started the process at 6am and we didn't get signed off until 4pm. It didn't matter though, we were still on a high and we felt invincible.
There are lots of things people don't tell you about having a newborn and the days following discharge were the hardest.
I was happy when I left hospital, the birth had been difficult and I needed to recover from my c-section but the fact that I had a beautiful little newborn made up for everything. Everyone wanted to meet him and we were receiving cards and lovely packages in the post several times a day for weeks after. We were in a newborn bubble and loving it.
I wasn't at all prepared for the tears. They arrived one day when I was struggling with breastfeeding and it was like a tap. Once they started they didn't stop. Everything and anything would set me off. I could laugh about it but that still didn't stop them, it was like my body’s way of telling me it was relieved we had got through it all and that it had been tough. In the end it was very therapeutic once I learnt to accept that it was a phase, a consequence of birth that would make me stronger in the long run.
I also wasn't prepared for the pain of breastfeeding. “Do it if you can” they all said, “breast is best”, “its the most natural thing in the world” etc etc. Do you know how much pressure that is for a new mother?
It sounds simple really and in all of our NCT classes that had been made out to be the case. Just a case of getting the latch and you’d be away! turns out thats a lot simpler than it sounds. My boy was born hungry and with an instant fear that he wouldn't be fed. That meant that the process of latching involved wrestling a panicking newborn. Thankfully the nurses in the hospital were great and really helped me but that still doesn't prepare you for the fact that you spend the early days dong very little apart from breastfeeding. I was in so much pain. There is a common misconception (often spread by midwives) that breastfeeding only hurts if you haven't got a very good latch. Whilst its true that this doesn't help the actual truth is that your nipples just aren't used to having a hungry newborn hanging off them at all times of the day and night.
Getting out and about another hurdle. Being a new mother can be isolating at the best of times and I was determined that it wasn't going to happen to me. I am lucky to have had a brilliant NCT group who were/are around at the drop of a text. At the time I also lived in an area surrounded by baby groups. How ready you feel to brave the outside world will be a very personal decision but I am glad we were out almost straight away despite the c-section. It gave me back my independence and I am convinced that the experience of being out and about so early has influenced my son’s laid-back, sociable nature.
Lots of other things happened in those first few weeks which we simply couldn't have anticipated and we went through a steep learning curve, researching every question we had, calling friends and generally winging it.
I’m lucky because I am convinced that my stay in hospital mitigated the bigger issues I experienced, particularly with breastfeeding. I strongly believe that all new mothers should stay in hospital for at least two days following birth to ensure they have appropriate support and prevent re-admittance (or other issues) at a later date. I also think its important to have support from friends and family. That doesn't mean they need to be there all the time but just knowing that you have someone to call or visit makes all the difference.
Giving birth is a traumatic process, regardless of how ‘easy’ or straightforward it appears to have been at the time. Its a major event which pushes your body to the limits and there comes a time when the enormity of what you have been through will hit home. The main lesson I’ve learnt though is that its actually ok to not know what is coming next or how to manage it, you will figure out whats best for you and your baby in the end and until then? ‘winging it’ is fine.
